Heaven and Hell
by morior invictus
Summary: "He could feel the walls of one of the Shepherd's Special Hells opening up just for him but River was there... As he looked deep into her eyes it was as if he saw it all. She blew that Hell apart." Mal and River's new relationship becomes a linchpin that unravels a series of plots that threaten to destroy the crew. -This story was written by Alison M. Dobell.
1. So Close To Heaven

This story does not belong to me; it belongs to Alison M. Dobell. I am just posting it up on here for fans of Firefly and of the Maliver 'ship (Mal/River relationship). This story can be found in the _Blue Sun Room_ section of the website. I take no credit whatsoever- _all_ of it belongs to Alison M. Dobell. I am just a fan.

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><p>"SO CLOSE TO HEAVEN"<p>

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><p>It was too gorram weird. Must be dreaming. That was it. This was not happening. The hands sliding over his warm flesh were not doing things to him that he had no mind to stop no matter how rutting wrong it was. He groaned at the sweetness that filled him as those gifted hands worked a magic on him that was all kinds of wrong and all kinds of wonderful. Her lips found a nipple, soft wet tongue lapping at it until the peak was hard and straining in her mouth as he began to wake. Teeth teased but gently. His eyes flicked open as her hands became more demanding, more intimate, and he found his control slipping. Dangerous. This was not supposed to be. No gorram dream was ever this real. He focused on the angelic face tipping and smiling up at him. His voice soft and husky with rising lust. Girl, what was she doing to him?<p>

"River, no, we can't be doin' this..."

Her smile became wider. So gentle, so knowing. She kissed his nipple and raised her head, the slow rhythm of her hands riding the silky sheath that bound him as the blood pumped loud and hungry through parched veins bringing him hard and throbbing in her eager hands before he could marshall enough wits to stop the automatic response. "Need you, want you." She sang. Her smile became a slow grin. Not evil but teasing. Did flippy floppy things to his heart that would drive him through all kinds of Hell before the flames got him. Fear lapped at his consciousness. Heat coiled in his groin. He could feel the heavy pump of blood thundering in his shaft and making him so gorram rock hard that he was on the point of exploding. No. No. NO. This was not happening. Another grin from the Devil's Little Helper. "Got you!" She affirmed with child-like sweetness wrapped in womanly wiles. Her head dipping but eyes never leaving his shocked blues as she licked the slowly leaking head.

Groaning he tried to push her off but he was so close and she knew. Gorrammit she KNEW. He was so afraid of violating her. Of despoiling a child with his wicked manly lusts it never occurred to him that the shoe was actually on the other foot. River? Seducing him? Crawling into his bunk in the dead of night? How crazy was that? Her lips on his cock, her hands caressing him where little girls should fear to tread? It was all kinds of wrong. Like incest almost but not quite. Afraid? He was terrified. Mama never raised him to be no rapist. Nor no gorram perverted son of a bitch but oh _tianna_ she felt so good, her touch like warm silk, her lips playing out a passion in his loins he was loathe to break free of yet his head was arguing, demanding he do the right thing and get her out of there. Send her packing back to her paranoid over-protective brother.

He gasped as her teeth caught under his cap, nipping gently, her tongue swirling back and forth across his slit with a languid precision that was driving him insane. Sucking at the precum and watching his face contort as he tried to hold back his response. Knowing she had him and he was powerless to send her away. Every muscle in his body straining to her touch. His blood pounding to her rhythm.

"Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." She whispered. A whole wealth of understanding and affection in that assurance. Affection? River? She was a child. "Not so young." She murmured as her mouth bobbed up and down, tongue licking, wet warm walls of her mouth massaging while her hands stroked and caressed his balls with such a sure touch he found his breath catching. How the rutting Hell had she become so accomplished?

"River, I'm so close..." He panted. Voice hoarse. Pleaded. Begged. *Stop. Stop. 'Cause I can't even if I wanted to. And God help me I don't want to.* "Don't..."

"Too late. Got you, Mal. Gonna keep you."

"Huh, I don't think..."

That was when she moved a hand under him, slid a slim slender finger slick with his precum deep inside him as she went down on him. Stars shattered in his heavens. The gorram black of space became the crucible between Heaven and Hell and his mind soared and broke into a million bright fragments as he came exploding and full of feeling in her mouth. She worked him as he came, not letting up for a moment, even as the come ran down from her greedy mouth she sucked, licked and played him to the hilt. She did not just want him, she wanted it all. Joyed in his orgasm and made sure she shared the pleasure.

Afterwards he lay stunned, the crazy girl draped over him. Possessive as a second skin. Her warmth comforting him in a way that should not happen. She crawled up his body, kissing, licking, caressing him to calm him down. Not wanting to hurt or alarm him. To frighten him off. She gazed down into his shocked eyes and gave a soft smile then played her lips so gently against his, her tongue seeking entry as he tried to apologize. To somehow put this right. To distance them both from the brink of oblivion. She saw his fear and understood but he was wrong. He did not understand.

"River..."

"Ssssh, love you."

His heart jolted. "You can't.."

"Can so." A kiss. A lick. Not trying to excite him, just needing to love him. To be loved in return.

"River you don't know what you're sayin', doin', the kind of man I am..."

"Do so." She nibbled along his jawline, her tongue flicking out to draw a wet trail over his skin. Washing off the sweat and savoring everything about him. Her arms hugged him to her. So precious. She felt safe with him. Trusted him. Knew it would be hard for him at first but she would make it right. "You love me."

His voice was rough. "You're crazy girl."

"Your kind of crazy."

He stared at her. She took his fear and kissed it into oblivion. He could feel the walls of one of the Shepherd's Special Hells opening up just for him but River was there. Suddenly strong, fierce, a woman grown and knowing and not to be crossed. Protecting him. As he looked deep into her eyes it was as if he saw it all. She blew that Hell apart. The blast of her passion rocking them both with the gift of revelation. Her eyes holding his and telling him as firmly as words spoken that this was no accident. No error of judgment. No little girl straying while her mind was off someplace else. She knew what she was doing. "Chose you."

"How?"

She placed a small hand over his heart and he felt something deep touch and move him. His fear dissolving in her passion filled eyes. Her lips laced with warm loving making something that was broken in him whole again. Her hands promising a Heaven he had never dreamt would be his. He felt unclean, unworthy. She shook her head and kissed his tears. "Don't be afraid." She whispered.

And suddenly the fear was a thing of the past. She was no longer 17 but even 18 seemed but a drop in the ocean of time. He was near old enough to be her father. Yet in that moment of clarity he saw her truly. A brilliant mind, a gentle, caring, gifted woman who had been denied so much for so long. She had needs. Just like he did. And quite simply she had sat down and made a logical decision. "You chose me?" His words were full of wonder. Disbelief. A hand raising gently to brush back her hair. To see the fey young creature that had found a way into his heart and now claimed it for her own.

A smile. Another gentle kiss. Eyes tender with love. Simplicity shone from her radiant truth embracing him. "Yes. You worry about what the others will think. Don't. I'll talk to Simon."

Fear rushed back. A fear founded on irrational guilt. What had he done? Made no difference that she was the one who had seduced him. He should have known better. His weakness no excuse. The sin was his. She put a hand over his mouth to still his agony of protests. Absolving him of blame. "Hush. You're mine now."

Despite everything he smiled at her possessiveness. "You think so?"

She nodded. "Know so. Now. Does a woman have to do all the work on this boat?"

He raised his eyebrows in query then felt her rub herself against him, her hips grinding down on him making him squirm and groan. "River, I..."

"Need you. Want you. Now."

He paused. It was a little late to put the genie back in the bottle and he had to admit. He wanted this. "You sure, _xin gan_?" He asked softly, his hands cradling her face.

His words made her smile. Her smile caught his heart and held it in thrall. Definitely lost now. She nodded, took one of his hand and slid it down between them so he could feel just how ready she was. Eyes glued to his. No more secrets. No more lies. He sighed and kissed her. Capitulation had never tasted so sweet nor Hell so close to Heaven.

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><p>Simon Tam had never been in such a snit before. Temper so intense steam was all but coming out of his ears. He paced angrily while River calmly watched him; her face serene. They were in his room. Everyone else would be stirring for breakfast. He turned sharply and stared at her. So mad he could hardly get the words passed his gritted teeth. "I'll kill that <em>hundan<em> Captain! I'll..."

"You'll do no such thing, Simon." Said River calmly. She stepped closer to him and stopped a foot away, her eyes looking deep into his. He could not remember the last time she had looked this sane. It was almost chilling considering what had happened. He grabbed her arms and stared into her eyes, trying to make her see just how wrong this was. "He had no right to touch you!"

"You don't understand. I was broken."

Simon felt his heart crack. "I know _mei mei_" He said gently, beginning to draw her into his embrace. He was surprised when she resisted him enough to give him pause.

"Mal makes me whole, Simon."

Anger flared on his face, he spat his words out like ammunition in a nail gun. "He's using you, River, and I won't let him do that!"

She shook her head and reached out to touch him. To calm him if she could. "No. I needed him. Still do."

"You're mistaken. He's cast a spell over you. I won't let him take advantage of you, River. You have to listen to me."

"No, Simon. This time you must listen." She cradled the side of his face with one hand and he stared transfixed. So many emotions twisted up inside him. His gut in torment. His heart crying out for vengeance. "I chose him, Simon. Went to him while he lay sleeping." She saw the shock register in his eyes and smiled gently at him, knowing her words were like nails in his coffin but she wanted him to understand. "I want him."

"You're just a child." He cried softly.

"No, I'm eighteen." She paused to let that sink in. "I waited Simon, and it was so hard. To watch him. See him every day. To know what we could be yet have to remain silent. Even though I knew I wanted to be sure. Timing was everything and I didn't want to lose him. I saw the pieces slot together when I looked in his eyes. No one else could see it. He was focused on his ship. His crew. Mistook his feelings for me but I knew what lay beneath. It tormented me to not be able to reach out and touch. To claim him as my own."

He looked shocked at her admission. "What are you saying?"

"I love him."

"You can't love him. You know what he is?"

"Yes. He is the other half of my soul."

Simon stared, eyes filling with unshed tears. The crack in his heart growing wider. He had always thought he was the other half of her soul. They were so close. How could she let that twisted up war weary _wangba dan_ come between them? "He won't, Simon. Not unless your jealousy rules your common sense."

He was crying openly now. Tears of rage and sadness, sorrow and loss running down his face. She did not wipe them dry. He needed to hear this. Even if it broke his heart she would not let him shut out the truth. "I am a woman now, Simon. 18. An adult."

"No, you're a child. When you're 21..."

"When I'm 21 you will still treat me as a child." She said softly not wanting her words to hurt him. "Still try to protect me from a life beyond the cradle."

"No, no I won't."

"Yes, Simon, you will. Can't you see? You're doing it now. Wrapping yourself in denial so you won't have to see the truth."

"I love you, River."

"I know. That's why you have to let me go. Let me be free to love where my heart chooses."

"I don't want to lose you."

"Then listen to me."

He thought about all she had said. Really he did. But the pain was a great numbing agent to his powers of reason and all he could think of was how young and innocent his sister was and how bitter and twisted the Captain was. Of course that was not entirely true. The Captain was a good man but he would never be good enough for his sister. There were dark places in that man's soul that could swallow you whole and leave nothing behind but a lake of sorrow. He did not want that for River. On some level he knew he was making things black and white. That he was reaching for objections as a way of making his opposition sound reasonable. 18. River was 18. Not a child any longer. Her birthday had been Saturday. Two days ago. Was that all it was? He stared at her, eyes growing wider with realization. She had chosen Malcolm Reynolds. This was no random act of lust but a well-planned campaign to get what she wanted. "You waited?"

River smiled. "Yes. It was so very hard."

"Until you were 18?"

She nodded. "I wanted everyone to know it was my choice."

"But you discussed it with the Captain first?"

She shook her head. "No. He never knew. Never guessed until I woke him."

The enormity of what she had done hit him like an oncoming locomotive. "_Tianna_ River, you can't just go crawling into a man's bed in the dead of night and make love to him! He could have raped you! Anything could have happened."

"Mal would never hurt me." "You don't know that." He tried to reason. Win back a little of the ground he had lost. "The war changed him, embittered him. All the gentle places you need to thrive are barren stone. I'm not even sure if he knows _how_ to love."

"You're wrong. I've seen his oasis. Drunk at the wellspring and Simon it is glorious! All the things I sensed I have now touched. All the walls he hides behind are nothing to me. He cannot keep me out. His thoughts play hopscotch in my head when he lays sleeping. His heart is an open book that weeps my name. I was broken Simon."

Stunned he wondered who this erudite, passionate young lady was and what she had done with his sister. He listened in a daze.

"I was broken." She repeated softly. "So was Mal. Together we can heal each other. Together we can be whole."

"River..." He broke off, feeling lost. Out of his depth. What could he say to her? She had already chosen and she had not chosen him.

"Simon, I will always love you but I need this. Need him. Don't clip my wings, Simon. I need to fly. To soar. To leave the chrysalis before it becomes my tomb."

He crumpled. Legs no longer able to hold him. The fight gone out of him like the air in a punctured balloon. She sat next to him on the bed and held his hand. Slowly she wiped the tears from his face. His own hands were shaking. "What happens now?"

"I want to be with him but I want your blessing."

His head jerked up. Eyes searched hers. "How can you even ask?"

"Because you're my brother Simon and I love you."

He swallowed hard and did not say whether or not he would give it. It was all too soon. She was the most precious thing he possessed. How could he simply give her away? "Then I suppose you'll be leaving?"

She shook her head. "Serenity is our home. Yours too."

"I'm not sure the Captain will want me around."

"You're wrong Simon, he cares about you. Cares about us all."

He gave a great sigh. Feeling suddenly drained. "Who else knows?"

"Just you."

"You know I'm not the only one who's going to have trouble accepting this, River?"

She nodded sadly. "I know. They put us all in boxes. Mustn't mix the contents. But I have a right to choose Simon. Same as you."

"Me?"

"Yes."

"What do you mean?"

"Kaylee likes you." He began to stutter. "I... I know, I like her too but what has that got to do with...?" His voice trailed off. "You're trying to change the subject." He accused.

"No, just trying to show you that you have choices to make as well."

"You think I want to be with Kaylee?"

"Do you?"

He thought about that. "I don't know. I like her, like her a lot, but I hadn't thought about a... a relationship. I'm not sure what I want."

"Then how can you choose for me?"

They stared at each other for a moment. They had come to the crux of the matter. He could taste the ashes of his own defeat. See the imprint of it in her eyes. "I can't believe you love the Captain."

River giggled slightly then smiled and got up, tugging his hands to bring him to his feet as well. "Come on or breakfast will be cold."

"Not sure I'm hungry."

"Coward."

He frowned and began to protest. "I'm not a coward..."

"Are too. You can't stay in here and avoid the Captain."

He flushed. "That's not what I'm doing, River."

"Then come to breakfast."

He gave her a long look. "You know you're still a brat."

She stuck her tongue out then grinned disarmingly at him. "At least I'm a happy brat."

That made him smile. He could never stay mad at River for long. But the Captain? He saw the answer in her radiant eyes. Could not remember the last time he had seen her so happy. If the Captain could do that for her maybe she was right after all. And maybe, being in the top Three Per Cent and all, he should realize it was time to accept it. When River made her mind up about something nothing in the 'verse could change it. A tiny smile hovered on his lips.

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><p>Everyone was either coming in or going out of the commons. The kitchen table was an assorted clutter of bowls, dishes and pieces of half eaten fruit. The Captain sat at the head of the table, his bowl untouched, his look distant. Zoe kept frowning at him but whenever she went to speak to him Wash diverted her attention. It was beginning to annoy her. Kaylee skipped in and paused to kiss the Captain's cheek in passing. He hardly stirred. His distraction made her falter just as River and Simon came into the room. "You okay, Cap'n?"<p>

He nodded but said nothing. Zoe's frown deepened. The Preacher entered the commons and took in the odd atmosphere. River was smiling so brightly it was almost painful to the eyes. The Captain did not come out of his self-induced trance until River dragged Simon to his end of the table and sat next to him. She smiled gently and touched his hand. As if coming back from a very far and distant place he turned his head and looked at her. A slow beautiful smile bowing his lips while his eyes twinkled gently like newborn stars. All heads now turned to them. River leaned forward and kissed the Captain on the lips. Simon's mouth dropped open. At that moment Jayne and Inara walked in. Jayne grinned and opened his mouth to make a crude comment but Kaylee glared a warning at him. Inara looked poleaxed and Zoe could not blame her. Rutting hell. The Captain and River? Rutting RUTTING hell!

Jayne grabbed a bowl of protein mush and a spoon and sat next to Kaylee. "Somethin' you wanna tell us, Cap?"

The Captain began to pull out of the kiss but River snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him in tight while she deepened the kiss. Her tongue sliding between his lips, a look of bliss and concentration on her face. Shepherd Book cleared his throat. No one took any notice. Jayne was openly laughing now, enjoying the unusual spectacle and the stunned reactions around the table. Inara turned around and walked out without a word. Kaylee toyed with going after her then abandoned the idea. She wanted to hear what kind of explanation her Captain came up with. It was obvious River was enjoying herself. Her brother, not so much. The Captain? Well, he looked as if someone had thrown a spell over him.

"Maybe we should just throw some water over them?" Guffawed Jayne.

"I'd rather throw water over you." Quipped Wash.

"Oh yeah?" Growled Jayne. "You and whose army little man?"

Just then the lovers drew apart. River drew a hand gently across the Captain's cheek and smiled so sweetly at him that everyone held their breath waiting for the coming explosion. It never came. Instead Mal smiled back at her, gave her a little chaste kiss then turned to look at the sea of expectant faces staring back at him. If anything his smile just got wider. He particularly enjoyed the look on Simon's face. Before he could say anything River spoke, her words addressing them all. "I'm 18."

Everyone blinked at the announcement. Jayne pushed his finished bowl away from him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, unable to suppress a leer. "That mean you're gonna kiss all of us? I don't mind ya stickin' your tongue down my throat."

The Captain's face darkened with rage. At that precise moment both he and Simon jumped to their feet. Zoe turned and glared at Jayne. He frowned and looked confused.

"What? What did I say?"

Simon shook his head. "Is there any way you could be more offensive?"

River put a hand on the Captain's arm, stood on tiptoe and whispered something in his ear. He was still seething but some of the anger abated. Slowly he sat back down but now his eyes were boring holes in Jayne. "I think you should apologize to River, Jayne."

"Ain't done nothin' wrong, Mal. How's it my fault if ya want to rut like rabbits at the breakfast table?"

Before anyone could move or say anything the Captain was out of his seat and had dragged Jayne up out of his chair. His face pressed up against Jayne's he told him in graphic detail exactly what he was going to do with him if he didn't mind his manners and make a pretty sharp apology. His eyes widened in fear, Jayne realized he had gone way too far. No way in _diyu _did he want to get on Mal's bad side. He nodded quickly, swallowed and made placating noises. The Captain backed off enough to give Jayne room to speak but little else. "I'm sorry River, no offence meant."

She nodded and Mal shook him once then let him go as if he was dropping some garbage in a gutter. The Shepherd was watching keenly. "Captain, I believe we would all appreciate some kind of explanation."

He blinked, took a deep breath then looked at River. She beamed at him and gave him a nod. He felt as if his throat was closing up but as he caught her eye he saw the unconditional love pouring out and felt his heart lift and flood with light and happiness. How the gorram did she do that to him? A smile broke out on his face and he turned to look at them, meeting each and every eye evenly. "Guess you may have noticed that things have changed a little. River an' I have discovered we have feelin's for each other. Deep an' unexpected on my part but no less real. I know it's gonna come as a shock to some of you, have to confess I was a mite surprised my own self."

Zoe blinked. "How long has this been going on, sir?"

His smile became a grin. He felt like laughing but it seemed somehow inappropriate. How could he tell them the girl just lit him up inside out? She was the fourth of July and every good thing that had ever happened to him all in one. "12 hours give or take a minute."

If they had been shocked before they were almost stunned out of their senses at his reply. The Captain walked calmly back to his seat. Smiled at River then looked at Simon as he re-took his seat. The doctor was watching him closely. "Simon, I never planned for this to happen..."

"River told me."

He blinked. Had not expected that. "Oh. How you feelin' about that?"

"I wasn't best pleased, Captain. You'd hardly be my choice of brother-in-law."

There was a choking sound. Mal turned his head in time to see Wash slapping Zoe on the back where her food had gone down the wrong way. He turned back to Simon. "We'd be mite happy to have your blessin'."

"I'm sure you would but don't you think this is a little fast? Shouldn't you be getting to know each other first? You know, like _normal_ people."

River frowned at Simon, her look telling him to 'play nice'. He regretted annoying her but was damned if he would take back the words. The Captain did not look offended. If anything he looked amused. "I'm prepared to take this as slow as necessary but my little lady is not as patient as I am."

River took the Captain's hand and kissed his palm. He smiled at her then turned a serious face to Simon. Politely waiting to see what he had to say. Simon was choked. God, they were acting like a pair of love sick teenagers. He wanted to be sick but the look on River's face stopped him. Made his heart lurch. She was happy. Gorrammit. This son of a bitch made her happy! What had she said? Mal could heal her. Make her whole. He swallowed slowly as if his throat was full of broken glass.

"Take it slowly, _mei mei_?" He all but pleaded. "You've waited this long."

She nodded. It was her peace offering. The siblings coming to an unspoken truce. "Not gonna change my mind, Simon." She said softly. Just to let him know where the line had been drawn.

"I know." Said Simon simply.

Mal grinned suddenly and drew his uneaten bowl towards him, suddenly discovering he had one hell of an appetite. "Be good to have a doctor in the family."

As the Captain dived into his breakfast and conversations began to break out around him, the Shepherd's frown deepened. He and the Captain were going to have to have a really long talk.

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><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_xin gan_ = sweetheart, _hundan_ = asshole/bastard, _mei mei_ = little sister,

_wangba dan_ = bastard (lit. turtle egg), _tianna_ = oh God!, _diyu_ = hell


	2. A Special Hell

Once again, this story was not written by me; it was written by Alison M. Dobell. Again, it can be found in the _Blue Sun Room_ section of the website. You can look under her profile AMDOBELL. Again, I am just a fan. I take no credit whatsoever.

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><p>"A SPECIAL HELL"<p>

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><p>Zoe cornered him at one end of the cargo bay. They had just finished loading up goods for transport to Deliverance. An apt name for a planet being recolonized after being pulverized into a smoking ruin by the Alliance during the War. Their contact, Alex Trent, had been given Captain Reynolds's name by none other than Lord Warwick Harrow. The Captain did not ask how a former Browncoat had come to know a member of Persephone's aristocracy and Trent had not volunteered the information. A small deposit had been handed over in coin, the rest of their payment would come on delivery. Normally Mal would have asked for more up front. The sum was pitiful but the magnitude of what these people were wanting to achieve struck right through to his core and even had no coin passed hands he would have taken the job. Even sight unseen.<p>

Now he was reviewing the assorted crates. Checking them off against the list Trent had given him. Jayne, Book, and Wash had gone up to the commons area to see what Kaylee had rustled up for dinner. Zoe had lingered and the Captain deliberately pretended to be so engrossed in his task that he did not see her. She could be patient. No one knew that better than he did. It was a quality Wash was learning but had yet to know the depth and breadth of. The Captain sighed softly between gritted teeth, his face averted, and steeled himself for her grave displeasure. Her voice, as it always was in such situations, was deceptively mild. Calm and light, a disarming display of reasonableness. Only Mal knew it was no such thing. It was a bear trap and a pit had been dug for him complete with nice long sharp bamboo spikes. He knew when to tread with care.

"You can't do this."

He kept his voice as quiet and mild as hers. Conversational almost. "Can an' am, Zoe."

"She's just a child."

"She's young, I'll give you that." Mal straightened from his task and dropped the pretense of being too busy to have this conversation. At least she was giving him the courtesy of having it in private. "But don't be makin' the mistake of thinkin' River's a child."

Zoe's eyebrows rose into her hairline. Her arms were folded across her chest and he could see the hint of steel in her eyes. Lips set in a firm unforgiving line. She might be his best friend in all the 'verse but Zoe Warren was no pushover. Not then, not now, not ever. He respected that in her but at times it could be a frightening thing to come up against. "She's 18, Mal. You turned 30 last year."

He rested his hands on his hips. "_Dui_. An' don't think I went lookin' for this..."

She shook her head. "I don't think that." It was the one thing she was certain of. A flicker of worry shone in her eyes. "But it's wrong and you know it, sir."

"This ain't your business, Zoe." He said in a tight careful voice. Not wanting to push her, to shove her out, but needing her to know that this was something she did not want to get into with him.

"Your business is my business." She said flatly not raising her voice. All steel now.

He stared at her in silence as memories assailed his senses. Knew the whole gamut of meaning behind those sparse words. The cool certainty of her claim on him unquestioned but that was then and this was now. She would walk through fire and storm with him or for him. Not nobody would touch him or bring him harm without her terrible vengeance ripping the last breath of life from their sorry asses. It had been that way between them since the War. The loyalty, love and devotion went back even further. To pasts that meshed and merged at an early age. To a friendship formed in a single first look and the moment they had reached for each other in the shadow of terrible tragedy and found comfort. That was the moment when everything she had lost was replaced with the one true thing she had found and could never relinquish. He was her touchstone, her rock. The piece of her heart that would never betray her. A friend who would do all the hard things, the things she would never voice or ask of him just as she would for him. As automatic as breathing. It was a bond forged so deep and strong that nothing could shift it.

"This is between me an' River." He said quietly.

"You don't bed crew."

"Ain't crew."

"Then what is she?"

He took a moment to order his thoughts beyond the rush of emotion that made this conversation all kinds of unsettling. He wanted Zoe to be happy for him, for **them**, but knew she was just trying to protect him. Look out for his interests when he was too blinded by lust or passion to see clearly for himself. But how could he explain to her that this felt right? "Not sure I can explain it." He said softly.

Her look did not waver. "Try."

"Zoe..."

"Ain't going nowhere till we have this out, Mal."

"Not your place, _bao bei_."

She blinked and forced herself not to react to the almost tender nuance in his voice. "Then whose place is it? We've always looked out for each other, Mal, and I'm telling you if you go through with this it will end badly."

She saw the pain in his eyes and almost backed off but her certainty was so strong she couldn't do it. Would not forgive herself if she took the easy way out and left the whole of the burden on him. It might seem no burden at all right now, the flush of lust and the notion of romance being a seductive thing in its' own right. But when the gravity fell back in place the shock and weight of it could crush him and right now he was not seeing all the possibilities. Not seeing anything but the blossoming affections of a not-quite-right child fixed on him with all the intensity and passion of true love. Then there was River herself. Girl was all kinds of crazy. Even her lucid moments could be creepifying. She knew the Captain. How naïve and pliable he could be when exposed to a woman's wiles. And she had no doubt that River was using all her considerable skills to get what she wanted. She needed to rip the blinkers off his eyes but not at the cost of his immortal soul.

He took a couple of steps towards her not stopping until they were mere inches apart, his eyes never leaving hers. He was grave and solemn, a wealth of emotion in those soul deep eyes. His voice so quiet and soft that it made her heart ache. "Mayhap I don't always know what I'm doin', Zoe, but this ain't about sex. Not sayin' sex ain't important but... it's **not** about that. Nor even lust though a goodly lust is a beautiful thing. A man wouldn't be human without it. Not sayin' that."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm sayin' I care about her on all kinds of levels. Some I don't right understand except to say it goes past bein' acquainted. Ain't just a likin' neither, nor the need to look after an' protect her. I know what you're thinkin' an' I can't say as I blame you but it's more than that. Like part of my soul callin' out to me an' it's a voice I can't ignore Zoe." He paused and briefly touched her shoulder with his right hand, not resting it there but reaching out to her in an unconscious gesture for her understanding. "River touches me inside. Like still waters it goes deep, Zoe, an' I'm probably makin' a gorram mess tryin' to explain it to you but I ain't just fixin' to take her to my bed _dong ma_?"

She knew that. That was what frightened her. When the Captain fell he always fell hard. If he was accepting the girl's advances it was already too late but she had to try. Because she loved him too. Not like she loved Wash. Not with a lustful heart or body but with the intensity and devotion of family. Her need to protect him was so strong it over ruled every other imperative she had. Now he was trying so hard to make her understand not knowing that she already did. It was not the understanding that was the problem. It was the fall once he discovered the ground beneath his feet wasn't so solid after all. Gorrammit if it didn't make her want to cry but she could not let down her defenses. Not let him see that. She had to be strong. Not for her but for him. And that meant there would be no surrender and no retreat. "Not sayin' I agree with you, Mal, but I'll be watchin'."

He nodded, knew it was the best he could expect for now. "That's all I'm askin'." He gave her a gentle smile, his mind already drifting to the crazy girl who had stolen his gorram heart. "It may all turn to mist by mornin' Zoe but somehow I think this is the real deal. Ain't gonna rush it an' ruin it no matter how fast she wants us to go. 'Sides, we promised Simon."

* * *

><p>River was so happy. Calm and bubbling with a brightness that it was impossible not to be drawn to. Kaylee smiled, laughed and tilted her head at her friend. They were in the engine room only Kaylee wasn't getting much work done. She was too filled up with curiosity about how River and the Captain had gotten together. And she wanted <em>all <em>the gorram details. "Come on, River, ya have to give me somethin'! Did the Cap'n come a-courtin' ya? All romantic like?"

River smiled. "No, it wasn't like that."

"What was it like?"

She told her. Kaylee's eyes grew round as saucers, her mouth dropped open in shock. Hardly able to believe the words coming out of her friend's mouth. "You climbed into the Cap'n's bunk while he was SLEEPING?"

River nodded her head and tried to smother her laughter at Kaylee's expression. Kaylee quickly went from shock to _need to know_. "What did ya do? Did he wake right up or what?"

"No." Her eyes softened and took on a faraway look. Kaylee clasped her hand and waited. "He was lying on his side." She looked at Kaylee for a moment, her mood sobering a little with memory. "He was dreaming. Not a peaceful sleep. I touched his face. Gently so as not to wake him, wanting to banish the nightmares. Protect him." She smiled. "He sighed in his sleep and rolled on to his back. He's so beautiful, Kaylee, and I'd waited for him for so long but he never saw me as anything other than a child. Didn't see the woman waiting in the wings. The caterpillar breaking free of the chrysalis to become a butterfly. I see inside him, all his shattered dreams. The pain-filled landscape of what-was. The ghosts he carries that weigh him down. I touched him, needed to love him, show him how different things could be."

Kaylee was almost afraid to ask what happened next.

"So I kissed him."

The mechanic could not help but smile back at the mischievous look that had come over River's face. "Then he woke up, right?"

She shook her head. "No. I was careful, gentle. He doesn't sleep well or often, I couldn't bear to wake him yet but I couldn't bear not to touch."

"What did you do, River?"

She grinned. "I touched." Kaylee gasped, eyes locked on River's. "He wasn't wearing much just some sleep pants so I gently kissed him and slid his pants off." She paused, lost in memory. A happy little smile hovering on her lips caught between mischief and high content. Her look tender. "I love the little moans and sighs he makes when he's sleeping. You should have seen his face when he woke up to find me laying there, making his throat catch and his body shudder with my mouth and tongue on him. I think that's the first time I've ever seen the Captain really speechless."

Kaylee could not believe her ears. Blushed for the Captain. _Diyu_, blushed for herself imagining River doing **that** to him. "River..." Her voice trailed off. What could she say? People said she was free with her body but she hadn't ever crept into someone's bed and seduced them WHILE THEY SLEPT. She liked her partners conscious. Or at least she always thought she did.

"He tried to tell me it was wrong, that I shouldn't be there. As if I didn't know what I was doing but I did. I had him so close he could hardly form words."

Kaylee went bright red. She was no prude but River's matter of fact description of how she had seduced the Captain was freaking her out more than a little. River stopped talking and noticed for the first time how shocked her friend was.

"Don't worry, I didn't hurt him. I would never hurt Mal."

"River, I don't know what to say. Cap'n's a good man but ya shouldn't go climbing into other folks' bunks like that. An' ya certainly shouldn't... ya know... Do _that_ to 'em while they're sleepin'."

"I wanted him to know how I felt and I'd waited so long."

"Waited?" She frowned. "What for?"

"To be 18."

Something clicked in Kaylee's mind. "That was what that announcement was at dinner?"

She nodded happily. "It was important."

"Why?"

"I didn't want anyone thinking the Captain was taking advantage of me. I wanted this and they needed to know that. I'm a woman now and a woman has needs." She paused and gave Kaylee a slightly doubtful look. "I thought you would understand."

Kaylee looked stunned. "I can't believe ya did that."

"What's done is done."

"What does Simon think about it?"

River laughed, her eyes happy and shining again. "He was so mad at me but I told him it was what I wanted. Told him he couldn't choose for me."

"River?"

Seeing her worried look, River raised a hand and touched Kaylee's cheek gently. "You're worried I'll break him but I won't." She said softly, dropping her hand back to rest in her lap. "I love Mal, Kaylee, and I **see** him. I've seen him for so long now. Not just the outside, the part of him he shows the 'verse, but all the shiny pieces inside. I can see where he's been damaged. Hurt. I can fix him and he can fix me."

"I don't understand."

"Like Wash fixes Zoe."

Kaylee's eyebrows rose. "He does?"

Her voice became softer. "Like you were made to fix Simon." She said slowly.

Kaylee's eyes widened again, this time accompanied by another deep red blush. River laughed and hugged her tight. When at last Kaylee joined in, the sound of their laughter rang in the little engine room and echoed back at them like church bells.

* * *

><p>Alex Trent met them when they landed on Deliverance. His tanned face breaking out into a slow grin for the first time since the Captain had met him. A little group of men and women stood waiting anxiously behind him. The Captain stepped down off the ramp and smiled, careful not to have his hands anywhere near his gun, his brown coat flapping against his legs. "Could use a hand unloadin' here."<p>

Trent nodded back then it was as if Serenity was engulfed by a small invasion. At the top of the ramp Jayne glowered at them but the Shepherd shook his head gently. "Relax Jayne. Why hump heavy boxes you don't have to?"

Jayne blinked then grinned back. "Yeah. Easy money."

The Preacher nodded then went back to quietly watching. Not taking any notice of the unloading, his measured eye watching the Captain. As if he could feel those eyes boring into his back, Mal turned his head and looked back at the Preacher. He said nothing. Didn't even nod but he knew his time had run out. Trent was pleased, paid the Captain then left. Within minutes of landing the area was empty again. The Captain walked briskly up the ramp and hit the button, closing the cargo bay door shut behind him. Jayne chewed on a half smoked cigar and ambled off to see what he could find to eat. The Shepherd looked Mal in the eye. There was no one else at the top of the ramp. "Time we had that talk, Captain."

For the sake of a little privacy the Captain led the way to his bunk. Not that he wanted this. Had been avoiding it in fact. But if he was being truthsome he was a mite relieved to be getting it over with. The Preacher waited until Mal pulled the hatch shut. "You have to end this, Captain."

"Not sure I can, Preacher."

Book's eyes narrowed in warning. "Wasn't askin', son."

"Just as well 'cause the only ones whose business this is are me an' River. No offence, Shepherd, but I ain't part of your flock an' neither is River."

"Corruption of a minor is a very serious offence, Captain. They have a very special hell for that."

"Maybe but River's no minor. A mite younger than I would choose my own self but she's 18. Old enough to do all manner of things."

"She is damaged, Captain."

The Captain's eyes hardened, sparking like flint. "I gorram know that, Shepherd! I didn't start this she did but now that the first step's been made I have no words for how right it feels."

"Right?" Seethed the Shepherd.

"Yeah, right. _Dui_. It's like a missin' piece of the jigsaw has been suddenly found. Not sayin' I believe in fate nor destiny nor any of that _fei hua_ but I believe in River." He paused, feeling all kinds of emotions rising to the surface. Some easier to express than others. "For a long time I kind'a went dead inside." He said softly. "Could say I withdrew from life. Livin' on the sidelines of things not in the center. That part was all numb and no part of me no more. Then along came River." Another pause. He looked so serious that Book was convinced of the man's sincerity no matter how wrong it might feel. "She makes me feel alive again, Preacher. Not sure how but the why of it makes me all kinds of happy." He paused for longer this time. "I can promise you this. I will love her an' protect her to my very last breath."

"And if she wakes up one morning and decides she doesn't love you, what then?" Asked the Preacher quietly.

The Captain was surprised how much that thought hurt him. "If that should happen I won't try to hold her back nor step in her way. She wants to go, to end this, any time - then that's what'll happen."

"You may be in too deep to let go." Said the Preacher softly.

For a long long time they just stared at each other. *You don't know the half of it* thought the Captain. "I'll take my chances."

"You may be willing to go to that special hell," Said the Shepherd carefully. "But know this: if you continue this with River you'll be taking an innocent with you."

* * *

><p>River could tell something was wrong. Even before he turned towards her as she descended the ladder to his bunk she knew he was upset.<p>

"River, we need to talk."

Her eyes searched his keenly. "You think we shouldn't be doing this."

It was a statement not a question. Flat and bald. "I've been speakin' to the Preacher."

She nodded. "He's not what you think. You can listen to him Mal but that doesn't make him right."

He stepped up to her, gently cupped his hands on her upper arms, his look serious and intent. Full of feelings all twisted and locked up inside him with the need to stay in control. To not swamp her with the intensity of his love and need. Stronger for having crept up on him unawares. It was ironic how he was about to lose the one thing that gave his empty life meaning. "Preacher says this ain't right." His said, throat tight.

Tears threatened but she held them back behind those glassy walls that watched him with such heartfelt longing. Pain thickening her senses quicker than lightening. Her feelings trapped behind glass. "Is love so wrong?"

"No, _xin gan_," He said softly, his heart aching. "Just folks don't take kindly to the notion of a girl bein' taken advantage of."

"You didn't take advantage of me, Mal."

"Plenty of folks might not see it that way." He said gently. The Captain raised a hand and tenderly brushed back the strands of hair that fell in front of her face.

She raised her head dislodging a few tears. He watched them roll down her cheeks and tried to keep his own emotions in check. To be strong for her. Gorrammit, this was tearing him apart. He could not bear to hurt her, for this to end. Did not want to be anywhere but in the warm circle of her loving arms. He wanted to love her, protect her, all the days of his life. She felt it too. Shared that sense of completion she had found with him. Knew they were meant be together. It was the only way either of them could be whole. But what if the gorram Preacher was right? What if he wasn't just consigning himself to eternal damnation but River too? He could stand just about anything his own self but he couldn't bear the thought of her suffering one whit for him. Her head tilted to regard him intently, knowing what he was thinking and how he was torturing himself with the need to do right by her. The answers to the crossword clues of their lives scrolling across her brain and drying her tears with a bittersweet understanding of the sheer depth of the man.

"Can't choose for me, Mal." She whispered, her hand gently touching his beloved face.

"Preacher says you'll go to hell." He replied in a voice almost breaking with pain.

"He isn't God and just because he wears the clothes and carries the book doesn't mean he fell from Heaven."

He found himself staring into the beautiful depths of her eyes. Such love and steady regard in them that they seemed to hold all his fears at bay. Her touch on his cheek was like an anchor binding him to her when he might otherwise fall apart. As if only her touch stopped him from being lost. His weakness became her strength. And she would do anything for love of him.

"Perhaps we should wait, _xin gan_." He said softly. "Waited this long."

Her tiny hand tugged him towards the bed. He began to frown but she shook her head gently, the dark strands of hair swaying like a dark curtain before her pale face. River urged him to sit then sat in his lap, her head tilting back so she could look deep into his eyes. "Not going to let you go, Mal."

"River, I..."

A small hand fluttered to his lips and stilled his words. "Sssh, no words. We don't have to make love to love each other." She watched his eyebrows raise slightly at that assertion and a little smile tugged at her lips. "If we could never have again what we had last night it wouldn't change a thing. Just don't send me away, Mal. I don't think my heart could take it."

He could not speak. The emotion too much for him. She saw it, wrapped her arms tightly around him and hugged him to her heart. His own arms folded gently round her, holding her safe and warm. She kissed his cheek and smiled when he dried the tracks of her tears with his lips. Murmured words of endearment falling so softly upon her ear and filling her with a quiet joy. She understood him so well and there was a deep abiding passion for him that went beyond all things physical. To be able to hold him this close, to be with him in the Here and Now was heaven enough. Then. Perhaps in time she could dismantle the barriers the Preacher and others like him were trying to place in their way. She was not afraid of anything except losing him. So whatever she could have she would take. And if the Preacher or anyone else persisted in trying to part them not even God would be able to save them from her wrath.

"Maybe you should sleep in your room tonight, _bao bei_?"

River pulled back so she could watch his reaction. "Okay, but if you wake Simon he'll be worse than a bear with a sore head."

He was about to correct her then saw that she was teasing him. He chuckled and lightly kissed the tip of her nose. "What am I gonna do with you?"

"Love me." She said simply.

"Already do, though I don't rightly know how it happened." He paused. "Remember when that hill folk patron called you a witch?" She nodded. "Think maybe the _goushi buru_ was right."

"If I'm a witch, I'm your witch."

"That you are." He paused, his look serious again. "What we gonna do about this, River? I don't want you goin' to no Special Hell 'cause of me."

"It wouldn't be Hell if we were together, Mal, but that's not the point. The Preacher is wrong. Don't let him make this into something it isn't."

"What do you mean, _xin gan_?"

"It isn't wrong for a man and a woman to love each other, Mal." She said softly. "Don't think I'm a child who doesn't know what love is all about. The Alliance cut my brain not my heart and I'm smart enough to not only know the difference but know what I want. I want you, _dong ma_?"

He found it difficult to speak. River placed her hand over his heart and looked deep into his eyes. In that instant he knew he could not give this up. Dipping his head he kissed her gently on the lips. She opened her mouth to him, her tongue sliding into his warm mouth, her body pressing him back as the kiss slowly deepened. As the deep folds of night hushed around them all thought of the Preacher's Special Hell fled from his mind. There was only River and a kind of completeness that filled his soul and made his heart soar.

* * *

><p>In the Companion's shuttle Shepherd Book was frowning. Inara Serra watched him for a moment, her own thoughts hidden. The Preacher was not best pleased. "We have to stop this, Inara."<p>

"That may be easier said than done." She cautioned quietly.

They were alone but on a ship like Serenity it never paid to assume anything. "What can we do?"

"Nothing for now."

"But this will ruin everything."

Something hardened in the schooled planes of her matchless beauty. "I thought you said you had spoken to the Captain?"

"I did." He sighed. "My influence must be slipping."

"Or River's is growing too strong for even your warnings to have the desired effect."

"The longer they are together the harder it will be."

"I do not need you to remind me." Inara almost snapped back.

The Preacher dipped his head in an automatic act of contrition. He did, after all, know his place.

"Go and get some rest. We'll just have to think of another way."

Only when the Preacher had gone did Inara let her irritation show. She sat at her dressing table and stared at her reflection. Thinking of the reason she had left Sihnon. So much was at stake. It would not do to lose her nerve now. Slowly she picked up her hairbrush and began to draw it through her luxuriant thick dark hair. When she had finished she was calm again but for just a moment she paused and almost failed to recognize the face that stared back at her.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_dui_ = correct, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _dong ma_ = understand, _diyu_ = hell,

_fei hua_ = garbage/nonsense, _xin gan_ = sweetheart, _goushi buru_ = lower than dogshit


	3. A Different Eden

Some you may be wondering why I am posting this story up. I can tell you that, for some, navigating through the website is not easy and that finding this story is just as difficult. Furthermore, I feel that the author, Alison M. Dobell, does deserve some recognition for her fantastic skills. She makes the characters authentic and her universe believable. She has written many stories for many 'ships, including Mal/Inara, Zoe/Wash, Simon/Kaylee, and many others. I, however, especially love her Mal/River stories.

If you have made it this far, then you can start to see how some characters aren't really who you thought they were. In addition, you can may now even see some of the other plots that are beginning to take shape. It's starting to get interesting, right?

I hope you guys are loving this story as much as I do and I can't wait to post more for you to read! Again, this story does not belong to me; it belongs to Alison M. Dobell. All of the credit belongs to her and not me.

* * *

><p>"A DIFFERENT EDEN"<p>

* * *

><p>Her mind awoke seconds before her body. She loved this. Lying sated and content in the warmth of his arms, so happy just to be this close. He was still sleeping though he had woken once or twice in the night she had eased him back into a trouble free sleep that made her heart lighter than air. He was so gentle, his passion deep but not overpowering. A tenderness to him that strangers never saw and friends only rarely. Every journey into the heart of him was a voyage of discovery into herself. A smile graced River's lips before her eyes opened to gaze on the object of her affection. As if she was the alarm that woke him he stirred from his sleep and smiled back. "<em>Ni hao ma, bao bei<em>?"

"_Hen hao, ni ne_?"

"Like a baby."

That made her laugh quietly and her humor was another gift to him that he was so glad he had opened. He felt as if every moment spent with her was something so precious and wondrous he could not bear to squander it with anything less than happy thoughts. His smile widened as he realized he was delirious with joy. She knew, even if she could not see it in his face nor read it in his eyes it was in his heart. His mind. He really was hers and nothing in the 'verse could make her happier. Except the one tiny problem of his idea of being honorable and such like. At times the Captain had an almost archaic sense of chivalry. One that usually got him in all kinds of trouble. It was her solemn bounden duty to save him from himself.

"What you thinkin' 'bout, _xin gan_?"

She lay back in his arms, one of his hands gently brushing back the hair from her face. Watching the light in her eyes and marveling at how someone so fragile could be so gorram strong. A lesson in life, that was River. A gift beyond price. His warm lips gently kissed her neck. She stretched her head back to encourage him to keep going, feeling the subdued laughter bubbling up in him as he obeyed the unspoken wish. "You. Us."

He felt her mood become more serious. "That a bad thing?"

River turned her head so he could see her face clearly. "No, _ai ren_, but it takes some thought."

That amused him. He raised his eyebrows, now gently settling baby kisses across her cheek to the happy curve of her waiting mouth. She wanted to draw him into a deeper kiss but he held back enough to speak a question. "As long as they're happy thoughts, River. Don't want you messin' up that pretty face frownin' and worryin' an' such like. That's what your Cap'n's for, _dong ma_?"

Her eyes sparkled and she turned fully in his arms, splaying across his chest, her hair draping over him, her mouth coming down to meet his and take the kiss he should have given up already. The kiss deepened, both lost in the utter bliss of it. River let her mind go free, exploring him inside while her body explored outside. Loving how responsive he now was to her slightest touch, her change in mood, her darkening passion. They were a match for each other in ways that were so wonderful and unexpected that it moved her beyond tears. Made her heart drunk with his deep wine and longing to drink forever from that wellspring. But she was no thief, she would pay him back in kind all the hours, days and seconds of her life. They made love slowly, each touch flowing into the next. Each heartbeat a shared experience. Each look a library of tender emotions they willingly gave to one another. Building an encyclopedia between them that would leave no part of the other unknown, unexplored or languishing for want of a word, a touch, a brush of understanding.

Each exploration revealed new truths to add to their lexicon. The memories of war and loss still pained him but River soothed the harsh mental images that brought back the scents and sounds of the dead and the dying. Each one a neighbor, each neighbor a friend. She was like a balm blessing him, catching the tears trapped inside his heart before they could fall. Replacing the images that haunted him with ones of happier times so that the trick of memory would not surrender him to his demons. She loved him so much and sensed the height and breadth of his love for her was beyond measure. Never had she expected to love this deep, this rare, this completely. Heart to heart, mind to mind, and soul to soul. She swallowed the sigh of unutterable ecstasy from his lips as he came, her own warm sea washing round him in completion. Their little gasps of joy swallowed in a last tender kiss before he got his breath back.

"River, what you do to me." He murmured softly, his eyes shining on her full of love. His heart so open it made her want to weep.

"It will get better each day." She promised.

He chuckled, amused, thinking she was talking about the sex. "That so?"

River nodded. "_Zhen de_. Each day a little more of what was broken will heal." She said quietly.

His heart caught making his ribs ache. "Heal?"

She gently stroked his face, tilted her head to enjoy how his warm skin shone in the aftermath of their exertions. He looked so very shiny in the afterglow of sex. Did she look like that to him? What did he see when he saw her? "You carry so much pain. Memories that won't let go. Decisions made and others forced on you. Loyalty and betrayal share the same coin."

The light in his eyes flattened with pain. Her eyes never left his, her touch so gentle framed his cheek. "I got a darkness in me, _bao bei_, you don't ever want to touch."

A shake of the head. Determination staring back at him with an intensity he could not always equate with the fragile girl draped over him. "I have touched it," She confessed softly. "And I can help, ease your pain."

"River..."

The hand moved to still his lips.

"Can't stop me."

"You shouldn't have to..."

"Hush, want to. Too late now."

He froze. "Too late?"

Her smile calmed the sudden spike of panic inching towards his heart. He could not bear it if anything should happen to her. "I can mend you."

"River, you can't mend me." He said gently. "That darkness you mention? It's there for a reason."

"_Wo zhidao_, but that's in the past now Mal. Don't carry it into the future with you. It will only weigh you down. I can help."

"You can't know that River, gifted though you might be."

"_Wo yiding_." She paused. Her smile so gentle he found himself holding his breath. "You help me too." She took his hand and placed it over her heart. "When Simon found me I was broken. Still damaged, but healing now." He could not speak for the emotion welling up in him. She knew. Understood. "Healing." She repeated softly to get the message through. They seemed to connect on a level commensurate with their DNA. Such a beautiful thing. A treasure house they had found in their own private Garden of Eden.

They were silent for long minutes, gazing deep into each other's eyes. A conversation so deep it was spoken in every cell of their bodies and every thought assailing their minds. A kind of tranquility stole over them like a cloak. A pause in the chaotic 'verse in which they lived. A little sanctuary of calm where no outsider could touch or intrude on them. Together they were complete. Inviolate. River smiled slowly at him, watching the reflection in his eyes grow into an echo on his lips. She had once echoed Kaylee's words back to her, *_No power in the 'verse can stop me_*. Kaylee had been joking. River had been half-joking when she said it back to her friend. Now. Joining heart, body and soul with Mal it no longer felt like a joke. A new truth solidified in her mind and she realized that it was now a certainty. This joining made it so.

"Much as I'm likin' this, River, I got me some crime to arrange."

"We got paid didn't we?"

He dropped a little kiss on the end of her nose. "That we did, _xin gan_, but Trent didn't pay well an' I wasn't much for askin' for more."

She nodded. Understood that the people on Deliverance were having a hard time making ends meet without having to find more funds to satisfy their transport needs. She knew too that he had cut the amount down to the bone so as to take as little as he could for the job. He would have done it for free had it come to it but Alex Trent insisted they be paid so paid they were. Now that left a hole that needed filling in their finances. Ship needed fuel, crew needed food and even the illusion of coin jingling in their pockets was better than no illusion at all. She knew how it was but letting the Captain get up would leave her with empty arms.

* * *

><p>Inara Serra gave the matter some heavy thought. Going about her mundane morning tasks helped her to think. Being a registered Companion she would never tackle a problem of this magnitude head on. Besides, River was beyond intuitive. It took care and preparation to keep her thoughts a calm pool beneath which her mind would be impenetrable to the young genius. She had not anticipated this turn of events and part of her was angry for not considering the possibility. But who would have thought the chivalrous Captain of this <em>lese<em> piece of _fei hua_ would fall for the brain damaged girl? Of course, the Captain was more than a little damaged himself though that was through the trauma of war rather a genius protegy's rite of passage.

She pursed her lips thoughtfully as she finished applying her make-up. Her orders were clear and unequivocal as were Book's. That their separate missions had brought them both to this ship had seemed an odd but useful coincidence. Now she wondered if it were anything of the sort. The girl was obviously more than she seemed but that was no more than they had expected. It was the _baichi_ Captain that had surprised her. Had her handlers been right? Could he be one of the ones they were looking for? And if he was, how could they use that information to find the others?

* * *

><p>Wash turned his head at the measured footfall, knowing the Captain's tread but wanting to see his mood. He was pleasantly surprised to see that the man was smiling. Not a big, all-out razzle-dazzle smile, but the little tender one that sneaked out when a heart was all kinds of happy. It spoke of a deep contentment that no amount of frowning could belie. He found himself grinning back. Happy for the Captain and happy for River, though how that pairing would turn out was anyone's guess. He knew he was just a romantic fool at heart but he couldn't help it. Seeing people happy filled him with joy. Zoe, not so much. For now it was just him and the Captain and a view of the Black.<p>

"How we doin' for fuel, Wash?"

"We're good, Captain. Good but not great."

"Meanin'?"

"We need to refuel but have enough to make any of a dozen planets ahead of us."

"Let me see."

Wash turned in his seat and pulled up the details. For a couple of minutes they reviewed each planet in turn. Discussing the pros and cons and the likelihood of finding suitable work. Neither heard Zoe enter the bridge until she spoke. The Captain all but jumped. He shot her a look of annoyance, the frown deepening as she smiled pleasantly back at him. "You enjoyed that far too much." He accused.

Zoe stepped passed him and gave Wash a kiss, her hand coming to rest on his shoulder, his laughing eyes looking up at her with happy devotion. She repeated her question. "Where are we goin', sir?"

"Not sure yet but Lauren looks good."

"Lauren?"

He was pleased by her slight frown as she tried to place the planet and couldn't. Anything that knocked that smug look off her face was fine by him right now. He knew it was petty but he _was_ the Captain. "Small no-count world. Don't got much but a few minerals an' some mighty fine ore so they trade for all their needs. Too minor to even blip the Alliance radar so they're as good as beyond the Rim."

"We're gonna **trade** with them?"

He shook his head. "_Bu qu_. Got nothin' to trade in kind. No. We're gonna offer ourselves up as transport so **they **can trade."

"Sir?"

Wash pointed out another planet. "This is Rainbow. Only a couple of hours out from Lauren. It's a pretty wild and wet world from what I can gather. Most are farmers."

"Each got somethin' the other wants." Mused the Captain. "'Cept neither got a transport ship, _dong_ _ma_? We go down, fix a fee, play shuttle for a time then move on to Richmond to refuel an' resupply."

Zoe gave it a thought then nodded. "Sounds good, sir."

"Wash? Set a course for Lauren. When we're in com range open a channel. Might be best to send a wave ahead to be sure of our welcome before we land."

* * *

><p>Shepherd Book found Simon in the commons area. Breakfast was long over and it was hours too early for the mid-day meal. He was fixing a mug of tea. No one else was about. Simon picked his mug up and took a slow sip of the hot liquid, using the motion to observe the Preacher without it being too obvious. The man had a tension about him that was rare. His control was better than this which meant something had stirred the man up and he had a pretty good idea what that something was. Not that he intended to make this easy for him. The Shepherd poured himself a mug of tea. The silence stretching between them until to leave it any longer would be uncomfortable.<p>

"Simon, I was hoping to have a word with you."

The doctor raised an eyebrow and took another sip of his tea. His look telling the Preacher to go on though no words passing his lips.

"I'm concerned about River. This relationship with the Captain is wrong."

Even though Simon had been expecting this conversation he did not think the Preacher would come right out and say it. That he did made him wonder. He kept his voice mild, watching Book surreptitiously while affecting a calm that was fleeing from him with every moment in the Preacher's company. "She seems happy."

There. A flash of anger on the Preacher's face. Simon did not react. He was accruing information. "It isn't right."

Simon shrugged. "I can't say I was happy when I found out."

"You should talk to her. Explain why this is a bad idea."

His suggestion surprised the doctor. "Why me? If you're so concerned why don't you talk to River?"

"Because she's avoiding me. She knows I disapprove."

"Shepherd, I don't doubt you think you have my sister's well-being at heart but as she announced at dinner she isn't a child any longer. I can't tell her what she must and must not do, what she can or cannot have. River is 18. I know she's been damaged, hurt, and I will do anything to prevent that happening again but - to my amazement - I don't see the Captain doing anything to harm her. I know I don't always approve of him or what he does but he is a good man. I know that now. And if anyone can see the good in someone my sister can. I think it's a little late to try to stop this if this is what she wants."

"That's what worries me." Said the Preacher in a heavy solemn voice. It was time to take a chance. "I don't think she knows what she wants."

Simon stared at him. Tempted to do just what the Preacher said but then an image of a happy, smiling River filled his mind and he couldn't do it. The other thing was that she had been doing so much better since being with the Captain. Why that should be he had no idea but he wanted to find out. It had been River's insistence that he stopped medicating her. For the time being. Reluctantly he had agreed but the effects so far had both astounded and delighted him. Mind you. Every step forward he celebrated quietly, not knowing when there would be a relapse or how bad it would be. He should warn the Captain what to expect but had the feeling the man would cope. How, he did not know. Now here was the Preacher wanting to bring River back to square one. Never mind the fact that in doing so he would almost certainly break her heart. "Enough people have been telling my sister what to do." He said quietly. "I'm not going to add to that list. This is her life, Shepherd. I'll be here if she needs me, that will never change whether she stays with the Captain or moves on. If you still have a problem with that then I suggest you take it up with her."

The Preacher just looked at him then allowed a drift of sadness to clothe his features. He gave a solemn nod. "Very well. I had hoped to avoid anything confrontational but I will speak to her."

The Shepherd moved towards the door and was surprised when Simon walked passed him and blocked his passage. "Speak to her all you want, Shepherd, but I have to tell you this. I may not be over the moon about this relationship but I won't let anyone force River to do something she doesn't want to, _dong ma_?"

* * *

><p>Jayne Cobb was grumbling. Not as loudly or as cussedly as Kaylee expected but grumbling all the same. She did not bother to hide her smile as he held the engine block in his strong muscled arms. "That's it, Jayne, just lift it a little higher will ya?"<p>

"Don't see why ya couldn't use the ruttin' winch."

She half shrugged, knowing the complaint was not really meant. He just didn't want her to think he was soft or at anyone's beck and call least of all hers. "Ya know why, ain't got room. 'Sides, you're better'n any winch, Jayne."

He hid the flush of pleasure at the unexpected praise. This time when she asked him to lift one end a little higher to bring the whole thing level there was not a murmur from him. Kaylee's smile broadened. At heart Jayne Cobb was just a pussycat. Not that she would tell him. Even pussycat's had claws if they were a mind to use them.

* * *

><p>The Shepherd came across River exiting the Captain's bunk. His brows drew together in disapproval. She frowned back.<p>

"River..."

"Got nothing to say to you."

"You may have nothing to say to me but I have a lot to say to you."

She paused and changed her mind about walking away. "It's not your place to tell me who I can or cannot love."

"I'm just trying to protect you."

"No. You're trying to control me."

He carefully hid how much her words disturbed him. "The bible says..."

"Let my people go!"

The Shepherd's eyes narrowed slightly. "This isn't Egypt on Earth-that-was."

"No, this is what happened to the Garden of Eden."

The Shepherd gave her a baffled look. "River?"

"And you are the serpent."

He looked shocked. Grave. Offended almost. "That's not very funny, River."

She gave him a long sober look. Her expression somber as if she were weighing his soul in a set of scales and found him wanting. "No, it is not."

* * *

><p>Lauren was an education. Not the shiny Core type neither. This was grit and grime and lots of elbow grease and sweat. A mining colony but thankfully not one afflicted with terminal maladies. The people looked fit and healthy even though their lives were rough. At least no Alliance boot was jammed down on their necks making it hard for them to breathe. Freedom had a price and none knew that better than Malcolm Reynolds. The undulating landscape told the story of the old open cast mines that had long since been abandoned after being stripped of their treasures. Every year they had to sink deeper into the planet's mantle to extract the minerals and ores that had once lain so close to the surface you could almost reach out and gorram touch them. Hardly no effort involved. Times change but needs don't. They still needed to live and eat. Still needed to trade in order to do so.<p>

* * *

><p>Pepper Rawlings was a huge barrel chested giant of a man. The leader of the miners he took it upon himself to question Serenity's Captain. Mal was glad. Once he had assured Zoe and Jayne that no one was going to murder him if he stepped three feet from them the tension level lowered considerably. River and Simon were ordered to stay hidden aboard the ship. The Captain did not want anyone planetside that didn't need to be. Zoe shot him a look which said 'are you sure you know what you're doing?' The grin he flashed back at her was more irritating than comfort but Jayne seemed happy enough to take the Captain's reassurance. He leaned back on a fence post and waited, eyes watchful, one hand hovering almost casually within reach of his gun.<p>

Pepper walked away from the ship and over to some wooden tables and chairs outside a big dusty hut which the Captain rightly took to be a saloon bar that had seen better days. _Diyu_. The whole of Lauren had seen better days and that included the people that lived there. Mal was getting mighty weary of seeing good folks forced to scrape a living from the back end of the 'verse just to be safe from Alliance hands. Made his blood boil more with each minute. They took a seat outside, the miners seemingly as addicted to daylight as most folks on Shadow were to a bright sunny day. Mal supposed if he were forced to spend most of his life underground he would be passionate about every second he could spend under the clean open sky. No doubt about it, confinement of any kind made a man almost poetic about freedom.

* * *

><p>The Shepherd did not like this. "Are you sure there's no other way, Inara?"<p>

"Just do it. I'll keep a look-out."

"Why me? Why don't you do the search and I'll keep watch?"

She looked at him in frustration. "Because I'm wearing perfume."

The Preacher frowned. "I don't understand..."

"The Captain doesn't wear perfume." The dime dropped. "Oh, _perfume_. Of course."

Inara watched him push open the hatch to the Captain's bunk. He still looked a little nervous but not enough to challenge Inara. He knew his duty even if he did not always like or understand it. He paused just before his head was due to disappear. "What am I looking for exactly?"

She leaned down so she could speak softly, her tone urgent. "Any connection to the Phoenix."

"As in the mythical bird?"

Inara nodded.

"This would be documents I take it?"

She resisted the urge to hit him. "Anything means _anything_."

The Preacher asked no more questions and quickly disappeared down the ladder closing the hatch behind him. The latter had been Inara's idea, the better to muffle any sound the Shepherd might make while he was rummaging. If they got caught there was no way they would be able to explain what they were doing. Bad enough to catch one of them but both of them? How would they be able to explain why they were searching the Captain's quarters? No. This was their best chance yet and Inara was not going to let it slip through their fingers for want of the nerve to do it.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_ni hao ma?_ = how are you?, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _hen hao_ = very good,

_ni ne_ = and you?, _xin gan/ai ren_ = sweetheart, _dong ma_ = understand, _diyu_ = hell,

_zhen de_ = it's true/really, _wo zhidao_ = I know, _wo yiding_ = I'm sure, _lese_ = crappy,

_fei hua_ = rubbish/nonsense, _baichi_ = idiot, _bu qu_ = no (lit. no go)


	4. Mixed Signals

So, what did you guys think of the last chapter? Pretty good, right?

In this chapter, you may be able to see some plans being set into motion.

I have to say that the dynamic between each of the characters is awesome, and I can actually _hear_ their voices in my head. Alison really does capture the essence of these characters within her story.

I will try to continue to post as much as I can when I can. I hope you guys are really enjoying this story as I know I do. This is one of the most epic Maliver (Mal/River) stories that I have ever read.

Anyways, stay tuned because there is a _lot_ more to come.

* * *

><p>"MIXED SIGNALS"<p>

* * *

><p>It seemed such a tiny concession that the Captain was baffled by the vehemence of Zoe's opposition. The more intransigent she became the angrier he got. They left Pepper Rawlings sitting in front of the saloon while they went somewhere less public to discuss the job. Mal was beginning to get the uncomfortable feeling they were talking about something else. He just wasn't sure what. "It's too risky, sir."<p>

"Zoe, ain't no risk involved. Both Lauren and Rainbow are peaceable worlds. Ain't no one pushin' or shovin' us, no treadin' on toes or such, so why the hedgin'? What's really on your mind? An' don't tell me it's this job, _dong ma_?"

She tried not to glare at him but failed. As the silence between them deepened he sighed. Zoe had no easy way of saying what she felt needed saying. "Ain't right, sir."

"We already had this discussion."

"I mean you and River."

His look hardened and a stab of pain flickered briefly in his eyes. "Not your call, Zoe."

"You're making a big mistake, Mal."

He was all kinds of mad with her now but was determined to try and hold his temper. Zoe was his oldest friend. Trusted her more than he trusted his own self most of the time but a line had been drawn and it was all kinds of unamusing how much she was crossing it. "If it's a mistake, it's _my_ mistake not yours. Not that I'm sayin' it is 'cause it ain't."

She shook her head. "Your mistakes have a habit of becoming mine, sir."

"Back off, Zoe."

"Can't do that."

His voice dropped to a soft pained whisper that hurt her more than if he had ranted and raved at her. "_Diyu_, what call you got to stop me from bein' happy, Zoe?"

"Not what I'm tryin' to do, you know that Mal."

"Do I?" He paused and stared at her quietly for a moment, all the sorrow in the 'verse clouding the deep blue of his eyes just for a heartbeat. "Used to be I'd believe that all the way to the grave."

"And now?" She asked, knowing she should leave it be but not quite able to quit. Not sure what she would do with the answer.

He looked sad and disappointed. "Not so much."

Zoe stared after him as he turned and walked back to the tables outside the saloon. She could not quite make herself follow him just yet but neither could she walk away. Could tell by the slope of his shoulders and his mood that she had cut him deep but gorrammit if she didn't look out for him who would? Couldn't entrust the well-being of her Captain to a brain-addled sweet-eyed girl even if the girl did profess to love him. Privately Zoe was not sure someone as damaged as River was capable of love. She knew the Captain was and that had convinced her to dig her heels in. No matter how much it might hurt. But at what point would the cost become too high? It was a conundrum that crucified her. Yet a burden of care she could not relinquish. A debt she owed that could never be repaid. So. Against the instincts of her heart she followed the warnings in her head. He might not like it. Might even come to hate her for it but he would survive. At least. That was the theory. In the meantime someone needed to watch the Captain's back and that someone had always been her.

Zoe followed a dozen yards behind him, alert to the slightest hint of danger. Was this really about her need to protect him or was she afraid that he would come to rely on River to do that for him as well? Was she worried **about **him or about losing her place in his regard? It was foolish. The Captain was happier than any time she could remember since Shadow before the war. Why then did she have the overwhelming dread that he was heading for a fall? She wanted to trust his judgment on this, to let go of that nagging doubt, but she couldn't do it. Knew she would never forgive herself if she got it wrong. Because, as damaged as River undoubtedly was, the Captain was in some ways even more fragile.

* * *

><p>It was a long time since Inara had felt this nervous or out of sorts. She hid it well. The mask of her Companion training was a perfect fit. Most of the time. It would take another Companion to see the hesitation in her eyes. The tinge of regret at war with necessity. It was always a mistake to identify too closely with your target which was why she had been at such pains to keep Malcolm Reynolds at a distance. Yet there was an undeniable sexual tension between them. Less now than before River. She should have been relieved but that was one lie too many to swallow in the security of her own brooding thoughts. A number of times he had almost broken through that cool hard shell of professionalism and that was one thing she could not allow to happen. He was the enemy and willingly or not he would give up his secrets. That she had found out nothing in her time aboard Serenity was a testament to the ongoing need not to underestimate either this Captain or his <em>lese<em> crew.

But sometimes. Just every now and then. She wondered if they had got it wrong. If the Captain was simply what he appeared to be. A man on the wrong side of a war that had not ended with the unification of planets. A war that had gone underground. A man trying to stay under the radar long enough to eke out a life free of the straight jacket of Alliance rule. Inara had almost convinced herself that the information was too suspect to be relied on when the hatch to the Captain's bunk opened and the Preacher solemnly climbed out to join her. She could tell instantly that he had found something. Heart racing she nodded briefly, turned and walked towards her shuttle. Wordlessly Book followed, carefully closing the Captain's door behind him. Only once they were safely ensconced aboard the shuttle with the door closed did she speak. "What did you find?"

"It was well hidden. I almost missed it."

Her right hand stretched forth to claim the fruit of his labor. "_Gei wo kankan_."

Book took something from his pocket and gave it to her. In silence they stared at the object lying naked and exposed in the palm of her hand. It was a ring. What might once have been called a curio except Inara had seen its' like before. The Shepherd hadn't but was aware of its significance. The ring was silver and fashioned in the shape of a bird, wings unfolded and curved backwards so that the proud mien stared outward, the stomach exposed showing the vibrant green of the Imperial Jade center stone. Clawed feet spread apart as if to seek purchase. It was a beautifully fashioned piece. A myth come to life. A promise fashioned in silver - the metal of truth, innocence, loyalty and honor. The Jade a symbol of protection.

"This is the phoenix you were seeking?"

Inara nodded, hardly daring to breathe. "_Qu_."

The Shepherd raised his eyes to meet hers. Something indefinable troubling him. "How can we be certain it is his?"

She raised a beautifully sculpted brow. "Why would you have any doubt?"

He hesitated, not sure himself yet something felt out of kilter. "What is the significance of the ring, Inara?" He had an inkling, but wanted her to spell it out for him. To be sure his suspicion was right.

She did not answer. Part of her surprised at his daring. Yet the greater part wondered why it mattered to her.

When she remained silent Shepherd Book looked thoughtful. "If it is his, we must seize him before he can alert the others."

"No."

Her quiet but firm response startled him. A tinge of sadness touched her but she hid it well. It would not do for the Shepherd to suspect her capable of regret. This was war. Only the battlefield had changed and in war there were always casualties. She was determined that none of them would be on their side. "It is too risky not to act now we know." He insisted.

"You have your orders, Shepherd. Do not seek to argue with mine."

For a moment he just looked at her then his training and discipline took over and he acquiesced to her unquestioned authority. The truth of the matter was that Inara Serra knew his mission inside out, upside down and backwards but he could only guess at hers. He contemplated the strange ring nestling like some ancient and mystical artefact in the palm of her hand. A thought occurred to him. "The girl will warn him."

She shook her head. "River will not know."

"How can you keep this from her? You know what she is, what she can do."

"That is why we cannot move yet. This development between her and the Captain is unexpected but it may prove valuable. An unexpected bonus."

"Inara, it is too dangerous. The girl cannot be predicted and she is strong."

"Then we will watch carefully. Nothing must be taken for granted."

He tried to fathom what it was she was not telling him but as with all things that concerned the Companion her mind was closed to him. Instead he brought his thoughts back to the pale young girl who had brought him across a sea of stars to this benighted place. River was his primary concern. Suddenly his look sharpened and he held his breath. He realized now what it was that was troubling him and wondered whether Inara had noticed.

* * *

><p>The big man did not straighten in his chair but did the mental equivalent. Jayne was still lounging against the fence post watching, a faintly bored expression on his face but not fooling the big man one bit. He watched the Captain approach, his face soured with suppressed anger which faded behind locked steel doors by the time the two were once again face to face. Pepper nodded. "Cap'n. We got us a deal or no deal?"<p>

Malcolm Reynolds appreciated the direct approach. It kept him from thinking of how angry he was with Zoe. But more than that it over rode the disappointment growing in his chest that no amount of annoyance or angry bluster could shift. "Deal."

For the first time since they had met Pepper smiled. Not the forced smile that looked more like a bad case of wind but the easy relaxation of muscles too long spent in frowning now enjoying the release of tension though the eyes held back a little in that welcome response. Pepper eased to his feet and offered a hand. The Captain did not even hesitate. The firmness of the handshake and the direct look in the man's eyes made him proud he had taken the job. Might be routine and dull to some minds but it was life and death to these good folks. A part of Mal was drawn to that, so hard that it settled in him like a promise set in stone. Then they were both seated as Pepper ordered drinks. Once they had been served the Captain raised his glass to him. He could almost feel the frown approaching behind him as Zoe hooked a chair with her foot but did not sit down. He bit back his annoyance then eked out the rest of the details from Pepper. "Of course, it would suit us best the sooner the goods were traded."

The Captain nodded. "We can do that."

"Load's heavy."

The Captain flicked a look towards Jayne. The man was watching him like a hawk for all of the casual air he adopted. Pepper was smiling when the Captain glanced back at him. He raised his eyebrows as he brought the glass back to his lips, wondering at the faint look of amusement on Pepper's face. "_Shenme_?"

"I see you got yourself a good crew, Cap'n."

A small smile touched Mal's lips then tipping the glass he took a deep slow swallow of the warm amber liquid. It was strong stuff but right now the burn as it went down was so beautiful it seemed a sin to speak until it had coated the back of his throat in its' rich glow. His smile deepened slightly, a little look of quiet pride shining in eyes that were no longer angry. "That I have."

"Perhaps when all the haulin' and ferryin' is done you might like to meet mine?"

The Captain paused. He really did not want to remain on Lauren any longer than the job necessitated but he liked Rawlings and he liked the fact that the corner of No and Where these people had chosen to settle had a familiar frontier edge to it that set an empathic ache in his bones that was all kinds of tempting. Which was why he really should refuse. Before he could reply Pepper leaned forward. Out of the corner of his eye the Captain saw Jayne stiffen and sent the tiniest shake of his head back. Happy when Jayne relaxed again. He could not see Zoe but felt every inch of her tense body poised a few sullen feet behind him.

"An' don't go thinkin' on all the reasons why it would be a bad idea." Pepper paused only long enough to flash a quick grin. "We got good people, Cap'n Reynolds. Solid folk. Honest an' hard workin' not soft like them as are core bred if ya take my meanin'."

Mal's smile returned but briefly. "I can't promise, Mr. Rawlings, but if we can we'd be happy to spend a little time with you an' your folks. Chance to unwind an' such but first let's get the job done, _dong ma_?"

"Name's Pepper." He paused until the Captain nodded back. "Business before pleasure?"

Even though there was no pleasure, Mal could imagine on this depressing planet the people were another matter entirely. Especially, if they were in the same mood as Pepper Rawlings. So he agreed, took a last appreciative sip of the home brewed whiskey, and rose to his feet. They shook hands to seal the deal then Rawlings barked something and men appeared from every direction. For one horrible soul-destroying moment the Captain thought he had read the man wrong but then the tension in him almost hissed out in one hit when he saw Pepper snap off orders to them and the men dispersed as quickly as they had appeared. Pepper's eyes were gently laughing at the Captain's expression.

"By the time you and yours get to the loadin' site all the crates will be ready."

"Seems to me you have a goodly crew your own self."

The man smiled broadly. "That I have. An' when our business dealin's over, I'm gonna insist ya take a little pleasure with us."

Mal's eyebrows rose so high they vanished in his windswept fringe. Behind him Zoe's scowl deepened. Not caring that the big man would see it. Concerned only with how badly she wanted to thrash her Captain right now and not even completely sure why.

* * *

><p>Kaylee was laughing. It seemed to be the single most constant thing in her 'verse since River had gotten together with the Captain. They were in the kitchen area of the commons room making a dance of boiling water for tea and exchanging odd oblique references and little snickers of dirty laughter that had Simon all but crawling out of his skin. Every time he made to leave they chided him and drew him back. He was confused but also intrigued.<p>

"I have no idea what you two are up to." He sighed at last. The exasperation clear in his voice.

His reaction made Kaylee's chuckle deepen. For some reason it brought a flush to Simon's cheek.

"Why don't you tell me what is so amusing?"

"You would see but not comprehend." Said River cryptically.

"What would I see, _mei mei_?"

"Everything you want and have never had."

A brief stab of pain wiped the smile off his face. He tried to recapture it before they noticed but wasn't quick enough. River reached out a hand and gently touched his face.

"Open your eyes, Simon."

He swallowed. "They are open."

"What do you see?" She whispered, moving aside so that he was staring at Kaylee.

Suddenly he understood. Stepped back, eyes widening with alarm. Torn between fear and desire. His emotions in turmoil as if any moment now they would betray him and he would be lost forever.

"Not lost." Said River. Her smile became so gentle, calm and knowing that he stared at her transfixed. "Found."

Then River left and it was just him and Kaylee. Her eyes were so bright, her face aglow with goodness and promise, her lips shiny where she had licked them as she laughed. Her eyes sparkled happily and outshone every star in the Black. Her dark hair was tousled with strands going every which way not fussy like Inara's, nor straight and swaying like River's. It was a vibrant tangle of life that was free thinking and celebrating its' own existence with the kind of flourish and gusto that gathered him up in the sheer wild joy of it. As she smiled so did he, a hesitant hand reaching out to her before he realized what he was doing. Unconscious of his feet mirroring the action. "Found." Murmured Kaylee softly, her voice warm and welcoming. Her lips parting for the word to slip out. That oh, so inviting mouth. The kiss surprised him more than her even though he had been the one to instigate it. An idle part of his brain reflected that it was one of his better decisions.

Simon jerked his head back, face flushed with embarrassment until he saw the look in Kaylee's eyes. She looked so happy. So shiny. Joy unabated washed over him with a pleasure that filled him with light. As he began to relax he realized River was right. His oh so gifted sister really was a genius. One day he would have to thank her for that.

* * *

><p>"You should put it back."<p>

Inara shook her head. "It's evidence."

Book raised a brow. "Of what? He could have obtained the ring anywhere."

The Companion gave him a closer look, noticed little give away clues she should have spotted before. "This makes you _bushufu_?"

"_Bushi_."

Her look clearly said she did not believe him. He considered how best to explain himself.

"You know my mission." The Companion showed no outward sign of assent but something in her look solidified. It was enough to encourage him to continue. "While I do not know yours, nor am I seeking to find out what it is, I am anxious that nothing either of us does impinge on the orders of the other."

Her smile was soft, secretive almost and put him on notice that he was crossing a very dangerous boundary. Not that her words belied that fact. "_Fang xin_, your observations will not be interrupted."

"But if we seize the Captain..."

She shook her head. "Nothing so crude or overt I assure you."

The Shepherd's eyes narrowed slightly. "What will you do?"

"Nothing until I find what I am looking for."

A pause. "And if you don't find what you're looking for?"

"The matter will be placed in other less intuitive hands."

The Shepherd went cold but dared say no more. Long after he had left the Companion's shuttle he berated himself for asking so many questions. Truly. He had wanted to know the answers at the time but now wished he did not. Ignorance really was bliss.

* * *

><p>Jayne could not understand it. The tension between Zoe and the Captain had at first been amusing but now he had run the gamut from humor through confusion to the first stirrings of concern. The Captain had relaxed once they got to grips with the job, throwing himself into the lifting and loading right alongside him but the tension from Zoe had not lessened. He glanced at her from time to time but could not get a feel for what the rutting hell was wrong. It unsettled him. The Captain sensed his distraction and called him on it.<p>

"_Shenme shi_, Jayne?"

He was going to shrug it off but... "What's up with Zoe?"

A frown appeared on the Captain's face. Jayne expected to be told to keep his nose out of it but to his surprise he got a truthful answer. "Zoe thinks I'm makin' a mistake with River."

That surprised him. "_Gou pi_ Cap, Zoe ain't got no call to talk. Look who she ended up with! Not that I'm sayin' Wash ain't a good pilot, but ruttin' hell, the man lacks all kinds of sense."

"Jayne..."

"Well he does, Cap'n, an' don't go tellin' me he don't. But she loves him an' he loves her."

"Your meanin' bein'?"

The big man got uncomfortable. He did not like talking about feelings and such and having this conversation with a man who had come so close to spacing him did not sit well with him but it wasn't like he hadn't asked for it. "Far as I can see crazy girl loves ya bad an' anyone can see it goes both ways."

The Captain somehow managed to keep a straight face. Jayne looked so serious and earnest. "So you're sayin' I'm crazy too?" He deadpanned.

"No!" Jayne blurted anxiously. "Just sayin' the both of ya look _gaoxing_ an' far as I can see there ain't enough happy in the 'verse to walk away from it once ya find it."

Mal could not argue with that. Whatever anyone might say about Jayne the mercenary did have a knack for going right to the heart of a problem instead of taking the scenic route. Why make life more complicated than it was? "I just wish she saw it the same way." He mumbled.

* * *

><p>He felt real smug. Tyrone Garvin scowled at him. "What's so ruttin' funny?"<p>

Alex Trent allowed his secretive smile to widen to include his brother in law. "Nothin', just a whole lot easier than I expected it to be."

Tyrone's scowl deepened in warning. "Don't take the man for a fool, Alex."

"He was a Browncoat, wasn't he?"

"So were you."

"Now, ain't no call for you to insult me."

For a moment his brother in law seemed to be lost for words. He had a whole pile of them he could launch at the little smug _tamade hundan_ but Becky would strip his hide off him with her tongue if he rubbed her precious little piece of passion up the wrong way. Much as he was tempted to do it anyway. "How d'you know they were on to you?"

He gave a little shrug. "Saw the writing on the wall. Not my fault the man is so damn naïve where the war is concerned."

"This could backfire badly."

"Nah. Told you before, I'm the brains of the family."

Tyrone bit back the urge to rewrite the man's perspective in a messy pool of blood. He kept thinking of his kid sister and what his mama had told him about looking out for family. "If you're so gorram smart, how come they were lookin' for you in the first place?"

"Ever think it wasn't me they were watchin', bro?"

He hated it when Alex called him 'bro', like they were some kind of close kin instead of a gorram accident like the aftermath of a train wreck. One day he would call him on it but not right now. Smart ass or not the boy had a point. Plus he was mighty weary of arguing with him. He wanted to go home but that they could not do until the rest of the plan had been put into operation. For now Alex was riding high. Taking far too much pleasure in the little already accomplished and not enough pains to ensure the rest flowed as sweetly so that none of what followed could be traced back to them. It irked Tyrone but it was Alex's plan so for now he would bite his tongue. Act nice and play the dutiful camp follower. After that, well he would wait and see. If a week was a long time in politics it could be eternity in their line of work.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_dong ma_ = understand, _diyu_ = hell, _lese_ = crap, _gei wo kankan_ = show it to me, _qu_ = yes,

_shenme_ = what?, _mei mei_ = little sister, _bushufu_ = uncomfortable, _bushi_ = not so,

_fang xin_ = don't worry (lit. ease your heart), _shenme shi_ = what's the matter?,

_gou pi_ = bullshit (lit. dog fart), _gaoxing_ = happy, _tamade hundan_ = fucking bastard


	5. Ashes

One of my favorite chapters...

Enjoy!

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><p>"ASHES"<p>

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><p>He was tired but in a good way. All that humping and loading had helped to ease the tension in him while making him a comfortable weary. It was good to have cargo. A smile bowed his lips as he watched Jayne tie off the crates so that they would remain in place for the journey and not shift. They were the only ones down in the cargo bay. The Captain jerked his head towards Jayne as the big man straightened. "Best clean up then see what there is to eat."<p>

"Whose turn is it?"

Mal tried to hide the scowl as he remembered. "Zoe."

Jayne swore half under his breath. "Ruttin' hell, who told her she could gorram cook?"

"You can tell her your own self if you feel brave enough."

"Huh."

The Captain felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "I'll take that as a no then."

The mercenary said something unintelligible then went to his bunk to clean up. Mal didn't move. He felt a strange reluctance to give up the moment of peace he had found. Didn't want to run the gauntlet of hard uncompromising stares from his second in command. It irked him but more than that it hurt. Why couldn't she just be happy for him? A touch on his waist made him fair jump out of his skin. He turned quickly but she was quicker, her arms encircling his waist as she wrapped herself round him like a candy wrapper.

"River! _Ni zai zuo shen me_? You near gave me a gorram heart attack."

She laughed lightly and kissed his shirt front, her lips unerringly settling their brief touch over his heart. His mouth went dry, his eyes softening as he gazed on her. Trapped by her innate beauty, a quality of soul that embraced him simply by being in her orbit. It was dizzying how the girl took his world and refashioned it into something he no longer recognized as dull or mundane. Every gorram thing she touched shone. Just like the joy in his heart each time he beheld the smile on her lips that was just for him. Feeling it draw all the tension from him as it set up a faithful echo deep inside that sent him all kinds of crazy. A tumult of delicious emotions in waters so deep he would drown but for love of her. He shook his head. Since when did he get so rutting fanciful? And why did it make him so light headed he felt permanently drunk? Her smile grew as if reading his thoughts, a bundle of happiness he would treasure for as long as he lived.

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><p><em>Long as I live<em>

_Long as I breathe_

_With every heartbeat_

_I'll need you near me_

_I won't leave you behind_

_'Til the Lord says it's time to go with him_

_I'm yours long as I live..._

_'Long As I Live' by John Michael Montgomery_

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><p>"She doesn't mean to hurt you."<p>

Her softly spoken words settled in his ears like snowflakes. He resisted the urge to shudder at their touch. He did not ask who she was talking about. Gently he leaned down to kiss the top of her head. River looked up at him and raised her arms so that she could slide them up around his neck and coax him down into a deep kiss. But it was awkward and he was a mite too tall for it to be comfortable. Mal slid his hands down to frame her waist then lifted her up to eye level. Grinning with pleasure River approved the new position and wrapped herself tightly around him. When he opened his mouth to speak she closed her lips over his and slid her tongue into his warm mouth, enjoying the chuckle that bubbled up from his chest and gently rocked her against him as she slowly devoured him. She loved him so much. How much joy could a heart hold before it all leaked out into the void? She didn't know, but aimed not to lose a single atom of the pleasure he gave her. The pleasure she _knew_ she could give him. It was almost sinful how happy he made her feel. How right this was.

When he pulled his lips gently from hers she leaned in to reclaim them but he tilted his head back and made eye contact. "You should go and get somethin' to eat before Jayne eats it all."

She laughed brightly and planted little kisses on his face, purposely missing his mouth so she could tease him. "I'm hungry but not for food."

His eyes laughed at the glitter in her eyes. "_Xin gan_, there's more to love than sex."

"I know but sex is shiny too, especially if you have the right partner."

He raised his eyebrows, and fixed her with an amused and affectionate look. "Reckon you have the right partner, huh?"

She nodded, an equal measure of smug and wise as she leaned in to reclaim those mocking lips. "Know so."

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><p>It was a fairly solemn meal taking. River and the Captain were the only ones absent but Zoe was a brooding presence that set them all a little on edge. Simon glanced across the table at Wash. The pilot looked more sad than unhappy. The only ray of sunshine at the table was Kaylee. Simon was distracted by the warm calloused hand reaching for his under the table. He turned his head and smiled at her. The flood of happiness that flashed back at him burned every doubt and uncertainty from him. He smiled back and gave her hand a squeeze. Neither of them tasted the mushy slop that was Zoe's contribution to <em>how to ruin protein blocks without even trying<em>. Jayne looked down at his plate for a moment then dived in, devouring every mouthful as if this was his last meal. The others watched with varying degrees of amusement or disgust.

Inara looked at the Preacher, careful not to rest her gaze longer on him than anyone else. Naturally she noticed the two absentees and that did not go down well with her though she hid it. Shepherd Book knew she was displeased. Her look suggesting he do something about it but he was not about to do that. Not unless it was an out and out order and he knew she would not do that. Not yet. His job was to watch. To monitor. And occasionally to steer the girl on the course they wanted set without impinging on her choices or method of getting there. This thing with the Captain had actually lightened his heart for a moment for the girl looked truly and gloriously happy. At least. Until Inara had made her pronouncement. Now he felt confused and conflicted. The first he was used to. The latter was somewhat of a surprise to him. Couldn't remember the last time that had happened and things had not ended badly. He frowned, head slightly bowed and heavy with his thoughts.

"Never said I could cook." Zoe almost growled, voice dark and sullen.

Wash patted her hand, steeled himself and put a spoonful of the discolored mush in his mouth. He wrapped a smile around it as if that would make it taste better but the smile got kidnapped and whisked away before it could reach his eyes. Gorrammit he felt like spewing it up but the look on Zoe's face was more sobering than a firing squad. With an effort he tried to mask he forced it down and gave her a smile. "See? _Fang xin, bao bei_."

"Must be love." Muttered Jayne looking down at his now empty plate.

It was said so quietly that they were not sure if he meant Wash and Zoe or if he was referring to Mal and River. Kaylee leaned in to Simon who obediently dipped his head so she could whisper in his ear. "Where's River an' the Cap'n?"

A little smile teased his lips. "Where do you think?"

Her eyes widened as the realization hit her. "But... it's the middle of the day!"

Her quiet whispered words echoed in the silent room bringing a blush to her face. Simon did not look at anyone. Zoe's face was set like concrete. A fury boiling behind it that no one was brave enough to venture. Inara gave Zoe a thoughtful look. The Preacher kept his face a blank mask and longed for the meal to end, a silent prayer of apology tagged on the end of that ungracious thought.

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><p>She was laughing, tugging his hands and leading him to her quarters. Not that he was trying very hard to avoid the inevitable. All his dwindling protests were verbal. She knew he was as fired up with passion as she was. "River, I got captainy things to do."<p>

Her smile was sweet. The Devil in Angel's clothing could not hold more appeal right now. "You've already loaded the cargo, _ai ren_, and Wash won't take off until after everybody's eaten. Rainbow is only a couple of hours away so we don't have much time, _dong ma_?"

That amused him. They were now outside her door. He watched as she slid it open with one hand, the other tugging him in after her. "How much time you wantin'?"

Her laugh was low and a little throaty sending tingling spirals down his spine. "All of it." His lips quirked. He closed the door behind him, River snaking a hand passed him to lock it then she slid his suspenders off his shoulders, her face angled and laughing up at him. Her fingers slowly unbuttoning his shirt while she undressed him with her eyes. For a moment he held his breath. Unable to believe that this amazing woman was his. That someone so beautiful could want him this much. She made him feel alive again. Every gorram cell in his body attuned to her in a way that took him beyond the simple paradise of joy. This was something else. Something finer, far shinier than any love he could have imagined. Made him feel like he was walking on sacred ground. The hush it brought to his soul was painfully sweet, made him ache with all kinds of happiness. His needs squashed into the simple desire to be here with her for as long as he lived. And if the Preacher was right and there **was** a special hell waiting for him then one taste of this was worth an eternity of agonies that might follow. It was worth it because **she** was worth it. Gorrammit, he really was in love with the girl. So which one of them was crazy now?

"Not crazy." Her words echoed his thoughts.

Uncanny. Creepifying. But so River that he absorbed it into his soul as he leaned down to capture those warm inviting lips. Her fingers were flying now, desperate to open him up to her, hands now dropping to his belt. The loud thunk and clatter of his gun belt hitting the floor did not even penetrate. Without breaking off the kiss he wrapped his arms around her and carried her to the bed. By the time he got there he was half undressed and chuckling in her mouth at her impatience. Her small hands sliding up his chest through the open shirt brushing across his nipples. A little pressure coaxed him obediently onto his back, her hair trailing across his chest. Lost in the kiss, mind over run with feelings unlocked in a passion that was soaring as her hands teased him. She broke off the kiss and pulled back, his eyes hungry and burning with a gentle heat that would warm her body and soul but never burn her. "Too many clothes." She murmured.

He smiled and began to undo her floaty dress as she turned and lifted the hair up off her neck to give him access. He was vulnerable to her now, his thoughts an open book, his heart beating to her rhythm in a way which was intoxicating. It was as if she had been waiting for him all her life. Had he been waiting for her? She pushed back the slither of sorrow that pierced her like an arrow. Her mind gently exploring the architecture of his thoughts, the depths of his emotional pain now blanketed in her love giving his heart ease. As the dress fell in soft drapes she turned to kiss him briefly then dropped to her knees to undo his boots. He wanted to lift her up, for her not to be the servant to his needs but River was obstinate and when she looked at him like that he could deny her nothing. Only when both of them were blessedly naked did she go to him, his arms opening in mute welcome, their eyes meeting in mutual accord. Words a heavy wax of sound they avoided as if to speak would rob this moment of magic. So they spoke in looks too intimate for words, touches so gentle their grace defied description. His lips on hers was a symphony, his calloused hands gliding in a hush of skin that carried the depth of what he was feeling in every whorl and bifurcation. Mapping her body to the pleasure of his touch.

Her body sang in response, her mind on fire with her need for him to fill her. To complete the circuit that made her whole. To heal her as she healed him. Love was the only medicine they needed. Each other the only cure for what ailed them. She wanted to impale herself on him, to feel him move deep inside her body, to hug him within walls of flesh that wept for his essence. He stilled her demands with a gentle touch, adorning her body with gentle kisses and touching her in a way that made her flesh sear with want and need.

"Sssh, _xin gan_. Let me pleasure you, _bao bei_."

"Want you inside me, Mal."

"No place else I want to be, _xin gan_, but first let me do this for you."

She acquiesced because whatever he wanted she wanted. Whatever he desired was her desire. Her eyes were wide liquid pools that carried his reflection to her heart. He rolled carefully so that she was now on her back, he lay on his side, his right hand sweeping over her breasts in a caress that had her arching into his touch. He smiled, rolled a nipple into a hard pert pebble of desire then let his hand drop and draw warmth down to her belly as he began to lathe her nipple with his warm tongue. His eyes smiled gently at her, hers absorbed him into her, his mouth now closing over the breast while he suckled drawing little moans of pleasure from her as his hand dipped lower. The caress now parting her folds and sliding into that moisture that was pooling with desire for him. It was slow, beautiful and erotic and full of sensations that drove her mad in a way so beyond giddy it was hard to think of anything in the 'verse but him. He plied his fingers in a rhythm that excited and titillated her bundle of nerves until she was rocking her hips up into the movement of his hand, her breath coming in quickening gasps as she drew closer and closer to orgasm. The flood of her juices swamping his fingers brought a smile to his lips that made her want to cry with joy.

He papered her face with kisses then slid slowly down her body, paying attention to every inch of skin on his way down. He kissed her belly and teased the perspiring skin down to the dark forest of fragrant hair that bounded her sex. River was looking down at him now, holding her breath as he paused to look up at her. A wicked little grin teased his lips. Her eyes widened momentarily then he was moving through that forest, parting the dark curly strands of pubic hair with his questing tongue. Her body moving pliant and needy beneath his touch, her hips rising to urge him to go faster but he would not be rushed. His tongue eased between her fleshy folds, tasting her like a connoisseur, savouring the flavour of her fluids on his tongue. River moaned louder now, eyes closed in the agony of bliss as he sucked and licked and played her so expertly until he brought her panting and out of control to a shuddering release.

Mal drank it down, lapping at her until her over-sensitized bundle of nerves could not stop jerking at his every touch. Her hands tugged on his hair, the words in her mouth a tumble of mixed sounds that made no coherent sense yet he understood. He went to lay on his back, to let her rest but her hands stopped him, her eyes begging and pleading. "What you want, _xin gan_?" He whispered softly, one hand raised to brush back her hair so he could see her face more clearly.

"You inside me."

"Think you might be needing to get your breath back first."

She smiled and kissed him, her hands reaching down for him and finding him hard and straining to her touch. A wicked gleam came to her eye that he just knew he was going to pay for. She pulled back barely an inch, just enough to compress the only warning he would get from her mischievous lips as her hand on him tightened. "My turn now."

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><p>The Shepherd had a pretty good idea what River and the Captain were doing and though part of him applauded the coupling the part of him with presentiment did not. It troubled him. Not <em>what<em> they were doing exactly but the fact that the two of them were getting closer with every passing day. It was becoming hard to see the barely suppressed happiness emanating so quietly from the Captain's contained nature without wincing, knowing the road that lay ahead of them. Well now. River was an interesting project and this development was all kinds of fascinating. It had impressed him that her bond with the Captain was actually seeming to cure her craziness. The damage the biotech's had purposely done to her gifted brain seemed to be under control in some indefinable way that he needed to understand better. He could not make an incomplete report nor would he try. Time was no constraint for of hours and days he had a-plenty. More troublesome would be if the Companion acted before he had finished his appointed task. No matter that Inara had promised the one would not impinge on the other. An unsettling thought stirred in his back brain. Something he had not expected touched him with a growing sense of alarm. He realized he had no notion of what the Companion intended to do and that unsettled him on more than a professional level.

He looked up from his empty plate. Startled to see that the commons area was now empty of everyone but himself and one other. As his eyes met hers, Inara softly smiled. A fleeting curve of the lips as her eyes studied him. Every nerve in his body jarred as if a current had just passed through him. He kept his expression blank, hiding the wariness in his eyes and projecting an air of calm tinged with curiosity. He could not tell whether she knew it was faked or not but as he waited another more knowing smile slowly blossomed on her full lips. Then, without a word, she gathered herself up and left on silent feet like some elaborately painted shadow. Somehow that discomfited him more than anything she might have said.

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><p>Rainbow was seemingly a more lively place by far than Lauren, which wasn't saying much. Simon wanted to go planet-side with Kaylee. Mal's contact had told them of the lakes, an area of Rainbow that he described as a place of heavenly beauty. The images the man painted filled them all with various visions of something too good to be missed. Wash was as excited as a child on Christmas Eve and gave Zoe a meaningful look which the Captain caught as he turned. He gave a mock scowl. "No nude swimmin'."<p>

"But Captain..."

"Wash, these are decent folk."

"I can be decent."

"Clothed is decent. A swim suit gorrammit is decent, but nude bathin'? Don't think this end of the 'verse is ready for that."

Kaylee joined them, bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement. Simon could not quite hide a smile. The Captain, Wash and Zoe exchanged looks. Kaylee hooked one arm through the Captain's and smiled so brightly up at him that he was momentarily dazzled. "Please, Cap'n. You said it was safe here an' this ain't no Alliance friendly world so what would be the harm?"

He frowned slightly, wanting to agree to let Simon off the ship with her. _Diyu_, he wanted to let River go too only not without him. Not ever again. But something nagged at him, took the shine off the notion for no reason he could rightly fathom. He decided when in doubt, stall. "Me an' Jayne'll go ahead. Make sure of our drop then pick up the return cargo. Take a look-see. If everythin' looks shiny then everyone as wants to stretch their legs can do so, _dong ma_?"

"Aw, Cap'n..."Complained Kaylee.

His look tightened slightly. "_Dong ma_?"

Realizing an invisible line had been drawn Kaylee knew when to back down. "_Wo dong_, Cap'n, just seems a ruttin' shame to miss the best of the daylight on board ship when we could be swimmin' in the lake."

"Swimming," Murmured Wash dreamily.

"But not nude." Added Mal just loud enough for the hazy look on Wash's face to cloud over. He didn't exactly pout but it was close enough. Zoe said not a word. The Captain took that as a good sign and started to walk off the bridge. "Best collect Jayne an' get goin'."

Still Zoe said nothing. The Captain did not look back at her knowing that her eyes would speak a language he could not ignore. Right now his world was too new and shiny to want to risk getting it all scratched and dented for want of a kind word. Time enough for passion to lose its' luster but somehow he did not think anything that passed between him and River would be that one dimensional. He knew River was at least a Reader. Probably Psychic as well. If that were true then wanting this relationship with him had to be a good thing, right? Surely it meant everything would work out? Even Simon seemed to be coming around. Yet something cast an awkward shadow on his happiness as if regret and ruination waited in the wings which was rutting foolish. Wasn't it? So he kept his eyes forward and made sure he did not catch Zoe's eye. If everything was about to crash down on his gorram head he saw no sense in hastening it. Time enough for regrets a plenty afterwards only as he thought of River he could not imagine him regretting a single glorious minute.

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><p>People were always underestimating Jayne. Even the Captain had initially fallen into that trap, only he had amended his first impression sharply enough to show he had been paying attention. Jayne asked no questions when the Captain found him coming out of his bunk with Vera. A short nod was enough between them, Jayne falling into step behind the Captain. Being behind Mal he was able to see something that gave him mental pause, subtle though it was. Shepherd Book had now joined the others waiting in the cargo bay. He stood on the periphery and partly in shadow, something in the man's face alerting Jayne to look more closely. He slowed down and let the Captain get several feet ahead of him, pretending to check his gun. Book barely glanced at him.<p>

The Shepherd was staring first at the Captain then at the diminutive figure that joined them. River. Jayne frowned slightly. The Captain turned his head to see where Jayne had got to, saw him checking the gun's chamber and turned back to say something to River as she eased towards him on lightly dancing feet. He smiled down at the girl, everyone talking. Wash laughing at something the mercenary didn't catch. Only Zoe seemed unamused or maybe she was still pissed off at the Captain. Jayne wasn't sure what was going on there but that was not what riveted his attention. Book was more in shadow now but his face caught the light throwing his expression into sharp relief. His eyes fixed on the Captain then shifting to River and back again. Jayne's frown deepened as he puzzled over the Shepherd's demeanor. Carefully and patiently waiting for the pieces to fall into place rather than hammering the angles off them until they fit.

The bay door opened. Most of the crew were excited, scarce able to wait for their first view of Rainbow only the Preacher wasn't looking. He was still watching the Captain with a look of somber speculation. His eyes flicking to River's moonglow face as she stared at Mal with rapt attention. The softening of the Captain's eyes brought a beautiful smile to the crazy girl's lips and made Jayne feel protective of them both. His eyes narrowed slightly. Why that should be he did not question. Simply was. The Preacher became aware that he in turn was being observed. As his focus shifted he turned his head, Jayne moved his hands over his weapon and joined the little group. He pushed back the nagging sense that something was wrong. Let the Preacher think whatever he wanted. Jayne was on the alert now. He just wished the rutting _diyu _he knew what for.

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><p>Lord Warwick Harrow did not like the man but it behooved him not to say so in polite company. Besides, he was a powerful man among the moneyed classes and it did not pay to antagonize such men without just cause. Handsome, charming and urbane there was something artificial about him that irked the Lord. As he tried to hide his scowl the man turned and flashed him a disarming smile. "I apologize for arriving unannounced, Lord Harrow, but these are trying times are they not?"<p>

Lord Harrow frowned. "In what way?"

The man raised his brows slowly, his look implying that his words were confidential and for the Lord's ears only. "Uprisings bring such distasteful surprises in their wake."

The frown deepened. "What are you suggesting, Lord Scott?"

"Suggesting? I suggest nothing, what I speak of is plain fact."

"Then pray, speak more plainly if you will."

Lord Scott seemed to gather his thoughts more tightly before speaking again. "This Independent nonsense. We must put it down with ruthless efficiency. Give no quarter. Only then can the peace the Alliance have fought so hard to create be assured."

Lord Warwick realized what it was he disliked about the man but hid his distaste behind a politely bland exterior. "Uprising? I know of no such uprising."

The man actually smirked before schooling his features into a more proper expression of honest but muted outrage. "It is said that their leaders have gone underground where even as we speak they sow the seeds of rebellion. Bitter deluded men without the soul or wit to realize they have lost. And who will pay the price, Lord Harrow? We will, that's who. And we will also be the ones to whom the others turn when the mess has to be cleaned up and the status quo reinstated. You should be worried."

He took a long sip from his wine glass, a cold humor hidden behind his sharp eyes. "I take it you fought in the War, Lord Scott?"

"Please, call me August."

It was a mark of his upbringing that Lord Harrow did not burst out laughing then and there but diplomacy could be a very interesting weapon to add to any man's arsenal. "August. You fought in the War?"

"I did my duty, Lord Harrow."

Lord Harrow did not offer him the intimacy of first name terms in response. After all, he had not even answered the question. Instead he nodded soberly back at him over the top of his wine glass. "Quite."

Before Lord Scott could pursue the subject further Lord Harrow excused himself and circulated in search of his host. Inwardly he was furious at the upstart of a popinjay for presuming to pass judgment on valiant men who had fought and died for what they believed in. It mattered not that some were Alliance born and bred and some Independent. It was a matter of honor. A thing he sensed that Lord August Scott would not recognize if it were carved in a slab of rock and dropped on top of his head from a hideous height. No. You could dress a clown in the finest weaves and silks. Give him more money than God and he would still be a clown. What made Scott worse than most was that all his considerable wealth had come from gun running. Selling to both sides in the War and profiting handsomely from the tide of human misery that followed.

* * *

><p>Jayne thought it was rutting hi-larious. The Captain's contact on Rainbow was a man called Josiah Stillwell. Stupid name for a grown man but who was he to talk with a name like Jayne? Not that he would admit as much to another living and breathing soul. Stillwell was a sturdy sort. Short and blocky with a shock of tow colored hair and eyes so green that he had to look twice. The man smiled with his whole face not just his mouth and his eyes had a careful sparkle to them as if he was a lot brighter than he first appeared. Right now he and the Captain were laughing over a smokey amber liquid that was supposed to be whiskey but tasted anything but. What the <em>diyu<em> it was he did not know except that it burned in a most satisfactory manner as it slid down his throat. Even if it didn't taste quite right.

"Pleasant as this is Josiah, me an' mine were hopin' to take a look around while we're here an' we can't do that 'till the cargo's loaded an' delivered, _dong ma_?"

"Why in such a hurry, Captain? You got no call to rush, Rainbow's a mighty fine place and we got many fancy's to please the eye."

"That as may be," Said Mal slowly. "But we work before we play." Stillwell glanced at Jayne. "That right?"

"Yep. Crew wouldn't have it any other way." Said the mercenary in a calm flat voice.

The Captain hid his surprise at this ringing endorsement. Wouldn't do for Stillwell to realize it wasn't true. They **did** work before they played but the crew did not want it that way. It was just the way he ran his boat. Saw no reason to change it now. Sloppy habits cost lives. Didn't need to be a gorram Captain to know that. War had taught him many a lesson about the way of things. Stillwell nodded, downed the rest of his drink then stood up. Jayne and the Captain did likewise only Jayne found himself gripping the edge of the table for a moment to get his balance, suddenly more than a little queasy. "What the ruttin' _diyu_ was in that glass?"

Stillwell smiled. "A little thing called 'Southern Comfort'."

"Southern what?"

"A drink from the Old South on Earth-that-was." Said the Captain.

"Huh," Jayne responded, far from impressed. "Tastes more like gorram ashes."

"Nope." Said the Captain falling into step beside Jayne, his voice so soft it was doubtful if any but the two of them heard him. "Ain't ashes. Know what they taste like an' this ain't it."

Only once they had exited the door did a figure watching from the shadows move into the light. Inara Serra looked thoughtful. Knew the clock was ticking. She turned to a dark swarthy man and said something to him. He nodded briefly. Money changed hands then Inara slipped back into shadow. The man finished his drink then casually walked out of the door. Inara waited another ten minutes before leaving by a different exit.

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><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_ni zai zuo shen me_ = what are you doing?, _xin gan/ai ren_ = sweetheart, _diyu_ = hell,

_dong ma_ = understand?, _fang xin_ = don't worry (lit. ease your heart),

_wo dong_ = I understand, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure


	6. Phoenix Rising

I just love how each chapter of this story gets better and better, and I love how the plot just unravels a little bit every time. I hope, for those of you reading this story, that you guys are enjoying this as much as I do. I promise to keep posting as regularly as I can. AMDOBELL, I love you forever for writing this awesome Maliver (Mal/River) fanfiction.

My favorite quote from this chapter: _This thing with the Captain and River was bringing out all kinds of unexpected sides to folk and it unnerved Jayne the way the crew dynamics were shifting around him._

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><p>"PHOENIX RISING"<p>

* * *

><p>There really was pretty much nothing of worth left standing on Hera. Didn't stop them coming though. More it seemed with each passing year. Singly or in groups made no difference. A patchwork of folk drawn from all corners of the 'verse that was. Some with anxious eyes skipping from nondescript view to empty war ravaged plains. Winds whipped unbroken across a land that was suffering still. Her few trees uprooted or burned down. Her peaceful valleys like a landfill where the bodies of the dead lay unblessed and un-numbered. The crude earth heaped over shattered bone and ripped flesh like some grainy blanket blocking out the view of Hell while Heaven looked down and lifted not one finger nor shed one tear of remorse. The implacable eye of God a thing beyond mortal understanding. Or so it seemed to them as were left. Those with a burden to carry that could never be laid to rest.<p>

Tyrone Garvin clamped his teeth tight together. So hard it would have made his jaw ache had he been in a mind to be thinking on it. His thoughts were as blurry as his eyes, wrapped in memories that hurt him more than gorram shrapnel. Heart all contracted and painful. Not so much with memories of the past but the future unfurling uncertainly before them like a flag they had borrowed and would have to give back. He thought about Alex Trent and repressed a shudder of revulsion but who was he to speak out? Alex was simply carrying out the man's request albeit in his own fashion. No, he would not call it an order. Alex was not the kind to respond to such and something about the smugness of what he had done set awkwardly in Tyrone's heart and mind. As if the man had intended one thing and Alex had twisted it into another. Showing the 'verse a different face. It was not an angle that flattered him. Yet Becky loved him. That fact, and that fact alone, kept him from ripping the useless craven _tamade_ _hundan_ to pieces with his bare hands.

He had no notion what Alex was really up to except that he seemed to have cast off his Independent roots like a man shedding clothes that no longer fit him. Thinking back he wondered if they ever had. He sighed. Many of the solemn drifting faces he knew. If not by name, then certainly by sight. This was risky he knew. Foolish some might say but it was a pilgrimage of a debt owed that could not be repaid. An honor the dead claimed from the living as certainly as he did his every breath. And he begrudged them no moment of it. Wished he could do more but being here on Unification Day was a death warrant lacking only its' execution. So the faces were nervous, wary, sad and solemn by fitful turns. Often tearful. Many had lost friends here. Family. Comrades in arms. Everyone. As Tyrone finished paying his respects he went to find the small Buddhist temple some of the soldiers had fashioned into a ragged hillside. It was as spartan as the ravaged land around it yet stepping into the crumbling cave he felt a hush of peace descend upon him like a blessing from on high.

The small cave only went back a dozen feet, the earthen roof arched barely a few inches above his bowed head. At the back a small pedestal had been made of impacted earth and on this makeshift altar sat a heavy bronze statue of the Buddha. A facsimile of Siddhartha Gautama, the original prince who had given up everything in the search for enlightenment. The timeless serene face stared benignly back at him and Tyrone felt tears prick his eyes but let not one of them fall. Instead he reached into his jacket and carefully withdrew the incense and a small silver and jade censer. The censer had a green jade bowl approximately four inches in diameter; this was gilded with silver forming a base with three lotus leaf feet and silver iconography of the Goddess of Compassion, Kuan Yin. Around the circumference the sacred emblem of the Emperor vied with the Phoenix, the Dragon warring over possession of the fiery pearl of wisdom that hung equidistant between them. The pierced silver lid was adorned with dragons so that the incense when lit would furl upwards like fiery smoke from their open mouths from within which the Phoenix would rise again.

Reverently, he removed the lid and lit an amalgam of incense, inhaling the distinctive myrrh mixed with sandalwood and other precious essences. Each symbolic of his prayer and servant to his intent. In an old blackened brass bowl that lay before the Buddha himself Tyrone burnt paper ingots, dragons, and images of all those things that had been lost yet lay within the purview of every dream his heart inspired. The prayer was strong and true, the incense rising straight up to all nine Heavens. Prayer flags adorned the earth walls of this small sacred space. Many now faded with the images barely visible, their colors muted but their meaning no less powerful. Hours he stayed, time losing all meaning and function. It was the failing of the light outside which moved him up from knees that creaked from kneeling too long. Time to go. Carefully he gathered up his censer and withdrew. He wanted to be away from this benighted planet before the first rays of light kissed the morning sky, knowing as his steps became more brisk that by daybreak the place would be ringed by Alliance troops.

It seemed, not even in defeat did the Alliance relax their chokehold, but Merciful Buddha prevailing, it would not last forever. One day their people would be free. Like the Phoenix they would rise again.

* * *

><p>"What we haulin'?"<p>

The Captain grunted and put his shoulder back to the crate. Jayne easing the weight between them to hold it steady before lifting it onto the mule. "Feels like solid rock." He huffed then paused. "Josiah said it was a pump."

"Pump?" Jayne scowled, his emphasis on the word making it come out like a swearword.

Mal couldn't blame him. It was rutting heavy. "Yeah. Lauren's way too waterlogged to be good for much. Seems them folks want to drain some of the land. Turn it over to farmin' an' such."

"Huh, don't know why they bother. Should leave 'em flooded and use 'em as paddy fields."

The Captain raised his eyebrows and stared at him. "You know that's a good idea, Jayne."

The big man scowled. "Ain't no call to go makin' fun a me, Cap…"

"Not makin' fun, it **is** a good gorram idea. Think I'll suggest it to Pepper when we get back to Lauren."

Jayne's face cleared, a look of mild amazement replacing his formerly dour expression. "You mean that?"

He nodded. "Yep, word of honor."

A smile lightened his face and Jayne's dark mood lifted with it. "We could send a wave and not have to lift another ruttin' case of metal." He suggested hopefully.

The Captain laughed and stretched his back until it clicked. He ached something fierce now, that was what he got for stopping to jaw before the job was done. "_Bu qu_, Jayne. We made a deal, _dong ma_?"

By the time they got the last of the components to Serenity both the Captain and Jayne had descended into monosyllabic speech and the odd grunt. Both were tired but the Captain was happy. Job would be done soon. Just needed to settle the cargo, lift off and lay in a course straight back to Lauren. It was Kaylee's turn to cook so this time they could all eat food they could swallow. Added to that and the beguiling charms of a certain little lady and the next few hours were looking shinier by the minute. Unseen a dark stocky shadow faded into the background. The man waiting until both men were back aboard the ship before retreating to find a cortex link.

* * *

><p>In her shuttle, Inara listened to the update in silence. The swarthy man related everything in precise and emotionless detail. When he was done Inara thanked him and cut the link. So, the Captain had met the contact and collected the materials for Lauren. No side trip. No clandestine meetings. Her brow furrowed, wondering what in <em>diyu<em> she was missing. Or could it be the Captain was smarter than she thought? That notion did not seem as foolish as it would once have done. After more than a year on this _boat_ she had learnt that Serenity's Captain was not the dull untutored man he appeared to be. There were depths to him that cautioned her against complacency- sides to him that could plunge the unwary into a whole 'verse of trouble.

Her frowned deepened. Yes. Captain Malcolm Reynolds was just the sort of man they would recruit. But how to find out what he was up to? How to uncover the others in this nest of vipers? Sometimes to heal the whole you had to destroy the parts that had gone bad. Cut out the pieces that threatened the rest before contamination set in and the sickness spread. Not that the Alliance body politic was in any real danger from one Malcolm Reynolds but the dream he kept alive had to be crushed. Men won wars but it was ideas that won the peace. That was a harsh truth that battle weary soldiers often missed. They thought that with enough guns, troops and money they could win any conflict and that would be the end of it. But winning was not simply being the biggest bully in the playing field. Not simply holding all the cards and vanquishing any who stood against you. To keep it. To hold it in perpetuity you had to capture the hearts and minds of the people. Solidify the conquest so completely that any other outcome would be simply unthinkable.

Only when the Independent cause was a laughable side note vanquished to the dust of history books would her work be done. Yet, even as she contemplated the fate being fashioned for Serenity's Captain, Inara felt a tendril of regret. A tiny little voice of sorrow, a flicker of doubt that such a response was the only way to consolidate the power and gains of Alliance rule. Would it really matter so much if the Independent survivors continued to live and eke out the sad pathetic husks of their lives on distant worlds? What did it matter if one or two turned pirate like Captain Reynolds? They were no more than mosquitos occasionally biting the hand of an enemy they could never topple. Yet, even the mosquito should not be underestimated. Left unchecked it could infect them with as serious a malady as the sleeping sickness once known as malaria. Such a malaise could not be permitted to take hold even in the far flung regions of the Rim worlds. The Alliance had stabilized the system. Unified the Core Worlds and set up secure and profitable trade routes which enabled them to prosper. For the good of everything she believed in she must not let herself be swayed. Hardening her heart, she considered her next move just as Kaylee announced dinner was ready.

* * *

><p>Alex Trent knew what he wanted and was single minded about getting it. Having been dropped off on Boros by his brother in law, Alex spent the next few hours fussing over his wife and making Becky agape at his playful stories and teasing ways. She chuckled as he tumbled her in her arms and across the couch to kiss her until the only breath she could inhale was his. Laughing in a heap of arms and legs he at last let her get to her feet. "Sometimes, Alex Trent, I swear I don't know what gets into you!"<p>

He laughed. "Come on Becky, your brother won't be back until the early hours. 'Till then we have the house to ourselves."

"If I didn't know better I'd swear you arranged it that way."

He smiled and kissed her deeply, his hands flying over stubborn buttons and down zips until his hands encountered bare flesh, his hungry lips leaving hers to travel southward. Her breath was harsh and gasping but her hands caught him and interrupted his amorous wanderings before it could go too far. Frowning he looked displeased then changed his expression to one of disappointment. "What is it, *_xin gan_*?"

"Some of our friends are coming over this night."

He could not hide the scowl. _Our_ friends, but not _his_. More of Tyrone's old Independent buddies. It mattered not that some of them had once been his. Now that his loyalties had shifted he felt not merely uncomfortable in their company but positively murderous. Still. He would bide his time. Before long all those who had once denounced him as pathetic and craven would be forced to eat their words in the most graphic fashion. A diet of lead should see to that. He would enjoy putting Becky's brother at the top of the list but not yet. Oh no. First he intended to maneuver things so that he and Becky could move out, get a place of their own, so when the inevitable happened he could distance himself from any implication of complicity while continuing to pleasure himself with Tyrone's sister. His scowl softened out into a smile as he helped Becky ease back into her clothing. Allowing his regret to freely show. She smiled at him and kissed him before rising to her feet.

"It's only for tonight, Alex." He nodded. Knew it was their way of surviving Unification Day without landing in an Alliance goal but why did they have to come here? "Okay, but once they're gone we'll pick this up where we left it, _dong ma_?"

She laughed and trailed a hand through his hair before disappearing to the kitchen. She had work a-plenty to do fixing food for eleven hungry men. Her brother should be back in the early hours. Only when he was safe home would she cease her worrying. Maybe Alex was right. Maybe it was time to leave the War behind them but for the life of her she could not bring herself to believe her brother was wrong. He believed so passionately about the cause and she believed in him. In time she hoped all their scars would heal and that Alex would at last come to understand.

* * *

><p>The food was shiny. Kaylee had made pancakes. The Captain couldn't rightly remember the last time he had eaten them but with River and Kaylee racing each other to the syrup pot he had to grin, tired as he was. He looked up and was surprised to see Inara watching him. Uncharacteristically, she did not lower her eyes but locked gaze with him. Weird but there seemed to be some kind of tension in her that did not show on her face. How did he know that? As the thought tickled in his brain he felt something shift in her mind. Surprise then a cold descending wariness that began to chill him. Her eyes dropped to her plate and he watched her carefully cut off and dip a piece of pancake into the well of maple syrup before depositing it all prim and proper into her ruby red mouth. Her eyes flicked up again and regarded him. A ghost of a smile confusing him before she turned away to say something to Simon.<p>

What the rutting _diyu_ had that been about? It was Kaylee who brought him back to the Here and Now. "Cap'n, can we go to the Lakes afore we go back to Lauren?"

"I'm thinkin' we should deliver our cargo first, little Kaylee. Folks might be impatient for the goods we carry. 'Sides, that way we can spend longer on Rainbow knowin' we ain't got no deadline to meet. How does that sound, _mei mei_?"

Her pout quickly turned to a happy grin. "Shiny!"

He turned his head to find Simon looking at him. "About the Lakes, Captain. I was just thinking, wondering really, if maybe River and I could go too?"

"Don't see why not. Place seems friendly an' peaceable enough. 'Sides, if we're all there can't see no harm in it."

Wash perked up, his face aglow with happy joy. "Then we can go swimming?"

Zoe patted his hand. "Yes, dear, we can go swimming."

It amused the _diyu_ out of the Captain the way Zoe treated Wash by turns like a little boy then a grown man. Sometimes a hero even. Not that he was complaining. His eyes met River's and his heart flipped over, a pleasure that stole every breath in his body then raced it back through his body like wild fire howling her name. _Tian Yesu_ he was all kinds of crazy for her. A thought popped unbidden into his head, more pictures than words, and a smile crawled over his face and wiped every doubt from his mind. She smiled back, rolled a half of pancake dripping in syrup on her fork then stuffed the whole lot into her mouth, her cheeks bulging like a chipmunk storing food for winter while maple syrup leaked out of her mouth to drizzle off her chin. He chuckled and her eyes sparkled mischievously back at him. He saw her palm a small pot of syrup and felt his eyebrows go up. Her eyes laughed back at him, her mind drawing pictures for him that made him strain for her touch much as he tried to hide it.

The Shepherd watched them surreptitiously. Interested in the Captain's interaction with River. Wondering whether any of the girl's abilities were somehow rubbing off on him. Wishing he could listen in but not daring to view them more closely. Detection was the biggest threat and so far he had achieved much from being subtle and discreet. They did not call him the Chameleon for nothing. He might wear a Preacher's weaves but he was no Shepherd. It was just another part to play. Another string to his bow. Another skill adopted to achieve his aim. His function as fluid as his morality and as manipulative as any faith.

It was Zoe's turn to wash up. Wash hung back to help with the dishes but she shooed him away. She wanted to talk to the Captain. A worried look crowded his eyes but Zoe reassured Wash with a light kiss and a smile. Her lips hovered at his ear. "Time to clear the air, _bao bei_."

Wash was all kinds of nervous now. The Captain was happy and when Mal was happy so was the rest of his crew. Zoe stirring things up could only be a bad thing but he had no way of being able to tell her that, as uptight and volatile as she got whenever he tried to raise his objections. Where the Captain was concerned she had made herself both guardian and vigilante. Wash did not envy the Captain. Reluctantly he left her to it and escaped to the bridge. River was dancing around Mal, her happy eyes caressing his face, the laughter in them delighting him heart and soul. The Preacher hung back to pour himself another mug of tea though he was not thirsty. Any excuse to watch them a little longer. Inara had been first to leave the table, then Kaylee, Simon and Jayne. With Wash gone Zoe had only to intercept the Captain and wait for the others to leave so she could say what was on her mind. A frown formed as she watched the Preacher, wondering why Book was so interested in the Captain and River. Then it hit her. He was probably imagining some Special Hell to send them to, or rather to send the Captain to. Somehow his warnings always seemed to center on what the Captain did more than what anyone else on the ship was doing. He became aware of her cool gaze and gave her a nod, leaving with his mug of tea as if that had been his intention all along.

It was now or never. The Captain was bending over listening to something River was whispering urgently in his ear. The smile on his face froze when he straightened to find Zoe staring straight at him. River turned her head and frowned at Zoe. "Not your business."

A flash of anger lighting blue touch paper impelled the Captain to quickly move between River and Zoe. No way did he want Zoe taking her orneriness out on River. The joy on his face flatlined. "_Shenme shi_, Zoe?"

"We need to talk, sir."

He wanted to tell her to drop it. Leave it be. But that look on her face told him that would not work. He either gave in to this and let her have her say or risked her taking that frustration out on River. No way would he allow her to say to River what he suspected she wanted to say to him. He turned to River and gave her a gentle reassuring smile. "_Xin gan_, me and Zoe need to talk. Give us a minute or two?"

River was not fooled. She knew Zoe did not like the closeness between them. Thought their falling in love was all lust and opportunity and all kinds of wrong. Wished she could explain it in a way the woman would understand but in Zoe's eyes she was simply looking out for her Captain. River just saw it as interfering. "I want to stay, _ai ren_."

He touched a hand to her face, so tenderly that her cheek angled into the warm curve of his palm, her eyes locking on his with so much emotion in them that he almost forgot to breathe. It was Zoe clearing her throat that brought him back to his senses. He sighed quietly and shook his head. "_Bu qu, bao bei_. This is somethin' I need to do an' need you to let me do, _dong ma_?"

River turned a sorrowful look on Zoe. "You're wrong." She said softly. Before Zoe could answer, River turned back to Mal and kissed his hand, her eyes promising to wait for him. He nodded, the unspoken vow solidifying between them. _Love you_, her eyes sang. _Love you too_, his lips replied. Then she was gone, not looking back but knowing that Zoe was frowning after her. Wondering what in the nine hells had just passed between them.

Out on the catwalk Jayne Cobb took up a thoughtful pose. Leaning on the railing he ran a soft cloth over his favorite gun, alert to the comings and goings of the rest of the crew. Watching to see what the Preacher would do now that his plans had been foiled as foiled they surely were. Few people had learnt to read the Shepherd as accurately as Jayne though he was careful not to make it obvious. There were too many odd inconsistencies about the man of the cloth to please the mercenary though that did not make Book a bad fellow. Just an unknown quantity. This thing with the Captain and River was bringing out all kinds of unexpected sides to folk and it unnerved Jayne the way the crew dynamics were shifting around him. Gave him the feeling they were all walking on rutting quicksand. Gorrammit. Why couldn't anything ever go smooth?

* * *

><p>"You know this is all kinds of wrong, sir?"<p>

He huffed. "Zoe, this ain't no way your business."

"_Bushi_. You're my business Mal, always have been, always will be."

"No," He said gently. "We've both moved on since Shadow, Zoe. Since the surrender and the end of the War. Don't start another conflict to fill the gap, _bao bei_. Ain't nothin' so painful as a friend that don't know when to let go."

"Is that what you think I'm doin'?" She asked softly. Her chocolate brown eyes almost swallowing his as they widened.

"_Qu_. Know so." He paused as he fought for words to bring her down gently. "Zoe, this has got to stop. I love River, an' no I ain't meanin' the lust of it though lust is a shiny thing. Ain't that. This is heart an' soul. I feel things for her I've never allowed myself to feel since I left Shadow."

Her heart lurched with pain. It was sharper than she had expected. Hurt more than she could have imagined. Rutting hell, the Captain had to go and fall in love. She closed her eyes a moment, startled when he gently touched her face. Concern and caring written in his eyes, but also something more. A certainty that his decision would not change. That he could not be budged.

"She'll break your heart." Zoe whispered painfully.

He stroked her cheek with his fingers, almost an absent minded gesture as if the years between them were rolling back. He was back on Shadow. Comforting her after the death of her father. Not with words but a look, a touch, a shoulder to cry on. Now he was doing it again and it almost undid her. It should be her comforting him not the other way around. He shook his head gently. "No, _bao bei_. Got nothin' to comfort me for. I got River an' I couldn't be more gorram happy if we'd won the ruttin' war an' that's the truth. Nothin' you can say or do can change that. Be happy for me, Zoe. If you can't do that then at least don't try to take this away from me."

Her eyes filled with tears. How could she tell him how much he meant to her? How much she relied upon him to be strong? Unchanging? This thing with River left her all at sea. Her heart swamped with sadness that had nothing to do with jealousy but everything to do with loss.

"Ain't gonna lose me, Zoe." He whispered.

That broke her. How could he tell what she was thinking? Did he really know her that well? Stifling a sob she leaned into him and closed her eyes, his arms folding gently round her. For a couple of minutes neither moved. The Captain didn't say anything. What use were words when the silence spoke more eloquently for both of them? He let her cry. She let him hold her. In that moment of truce the disapproval she felt was put on hold. No more sour looks or interfering. It was his life and it was time she let him live it. If River was his happiness, she would find some content in that. But woes betide the girl if she hurt him. No promise in the 'verse would stop her from sending River Tam straight to _diyu_. Didn't much care which one.

* * *

><p>He was all worn out and weary from the emotional drain on him. River did not smile as he descended the ladder into his bunk. Knew he was upset and saddened though his face lit up when he turned and saw her sitting on his bed with her legs crossed under her. Waiting for him. He smiled then laughed when she brought her hand up to show him what she had concealed in it. The little pot of maple syrup took the sting out of Zoe's disapproval. "What you plannin' on doin' with that? Seems to be you're all out of pancakes."<p>

She gave him a wicked grin and put the pot on the small bedside cabinet. He watched her as he slid his suspenders off his shoulders. Silently she watched him undress, making no move to leave the bed. He was amused at her restraint, this being a first for her. Maybe his allure was wearing off? A thought popped in his head. *Not wearing off, just conserving energy.*

"That so?"

*Think, don't speak.*

His hands paused, his look stumped. *I can do that?*

She grinned. *Just did.*

*How in the nine hells we doin' this?*

A mucky little smile teased her waiting lips as she scooted to the end of the bed so she could reach out and touch him, her hands tugging on his belt to draw him nearer. *I have a few ideas*

He smirked. *Bet you do, you havin' that syrup an' all.*

She saw his happy glow dull as he thought of Zoe. River read the pain in him as clearly as if it were her own. "Zoe is your Simon."

Mal had his shirt off now, was taking off his gunbelt. He paused then carefully put his gunbelt to one side and sat beside her. "_Shenme_?"

"She wants to protect you." Her warm hands gently trailed over his bare chest, enjoying the tactile feel of him while sorting through her thoughts. "Has been protecting you for so long she's afraid to stop. To let you go. Thinks if she does, she'll lose you."

He looked amazed. "River, how you know that?"

River looked sad, one hand rising to touch his face. Her fingertips mapping the features she had learned to love so much. Her touch saying she loved him as much as the look in her eyes and the passionate joy in her heart that was fashioned in his name. "Just like Simon."

They were both silent for a sobering moment or two.

"They don't understand that unless they let go it will all turn to ashes.

"River," He said softly, as she began to finish undressing him. Now sliding off the bed to kneel at his feet to remove his boots before tugging off his pants. "Do you see how this is gonna work out?"

She wanted to lie to him. To gloss over something that would be as painful to him as any torture devised by Niska. As bitter as the surrender at Serenity Valley. As soul devastatingly traumatic as the death of those he had loved. But River loved him. In all his ways, loved him too much to build what they had upon a bed of lies no matter how pretty they were dressed up. She loved him. Heart, mind, body, soul. Only the truth would keep the love they shared intact. Though all the demons of _diyu _and every _shangdi_ in Heaven opposed it.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_tamade hundan_ = fucking bastard, _bu qu_ = no (lit. no go), _dong ma_ = understand?,

_diyu_ = hell, _xin gan/ai ren_ = sweetheart, _mei mei_ = little sister, _bushi_ = not so,

_tian Yesu_ = sweet Jesus, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _shenme shi_ = what's the matter?,

_qu_ = yes (lit. go), _shenme_ = what?, _shangdi_ = God


	7. Tangled

So, did you all enjoy the previous chapter?

I hope that you guys like this chapter; there is more Maliver (Mal/River) about. In addition, the plot begins to thicken. Enjoy.

**Quote:** "_Someone isn't telling the truth." _-River Tam

* * *

><p>"TANGLED"<p>

* * *

><p>It was hard to keep it all inside. Contained and locked away. Safe. Feelings kept seeping through the iron grip of his will. It was all that had kept him alive through the War. Driven him forward when his muscles were too weak to propel his body. His fear too intense to get beyond the thunder and burn of the battlefield raging night and day around him. Too far behind to catch up. Praying he had not lost him. Hoping there would still be something worth fighting for when the smoke cleared and the blood was washed from his weary eyes.<p>

Jeb Tanner was looking at him strangely but he ignored it. No time for concern. They were a small elite group. Had to be. Every name added was one more link in the chain that could be broken by Alliance spies. Had enough of that in the War, didn't need them dogging his footsteps in the bitter aftermath. Knew their only safety was in being spread out. So thin on the ground as to be almost invisible to them as sought them. Their own would not look. Would know better. Any rutting fool that tried therefore came from the other side. He and his would send them back a piece at a time for their trouble. Seemed like the thing to do. But now. This news had stopped him in his tracks. Heart thudding with an unyielding spark of hope igniting something that he thought had died long ago. It was almost a physical pain. A gut wrenching need that drew him against every sense screaming in his head to ignore it. Gorrammit, how could he be asked to do that? To turn his back on the one thing in the 'verse he wanted even more than his next rutting breath?

So he did what he always did at such times. He sent a pair of eyes to do the looking for him. One with no tongue attached to speak out of turn and by some unintended happenstance betray them. T'wasn't exactly fair but then what in this _lese_ 'verse was? They had been fighting so long to survive it was a wrench to take that next step. Tremulous and half fearful they would be discovered. Then worried that they had left it so long their own would not recognize them when they did. T'was a dilemma- that's what it was. He weren't no fighter and he weren't no fool. He could do other things. And he weren't nothing if not determined that this time they would do it right.

* * *

><p>It was amazing where the girl got her energy from less she was stealing it from him while he slept. Ha. Sleep. That would be a fine thing. Not that he was complaining but every time he started to drift off her hands would be on him again. Her lips exciting the parts of a man's body that never slept. So sweetly that it made him ache with need and love for her. Amused him too when she left him sufficient breath to say so.<p>

"What you doin' to me, girl?"

River smiled through her coaxing lips, watching his breath catch in his throat. The smile becoming a grin. "Catching up."

He blinked, his movements lazy. This was the third time she had woken him and at this rate he would be fit for nothing when it came time to rise. Not that he was able to think much on the future right now, with the present robbing him of any true coherent thought beyond her busy mouth and warm hands. He groaned, her soft touch taking him higher and higher. Unable to deny her a gorram thing. "River, I'm thinkin' as much as I love what you're doin' I ain't gonna be able to come again."

"Go to sleep."

He snorted softly. As if he could with her doing **that** to him. He closed his eyes, so sensitive to her touch that he could not stop his body from jerking and trembling. She loved him like this. Putty in her gorram hands. A literal boneless sprawl she could do anything with. His eyes flickered open, partly bloodshot and glazed. "Ain't you sleepy?"

River shook her head and moved up to tease his lips then turned to lick his ear. He turned his head, the jolt of electricity she sparked beginning to reawaken him in a way that was almost painful. "River..."

"Not morning yet, _ai ren_."

"We're in the Black, River. Ain't no night, no day neither."

Her smile was truly glorious, almost blinding him. "Then we have all the time in the 'verse."

His groan deepened her tongue sliding round and round the shell of his ear before dipping down the ear canal in a warm wet slide that made him shiver. "Gorrammit, _xin gan_, you're gonna kill me."

She pulled back slightly so she could look right into his dark blue eyes. "You got a better way to go?"

Mal laughed lightly then shook his head slowly; hands coming up to reverently brush back her silky black hair. Eyes worshipping her, heart flipping at the sight of so much love gazing back at him. He honestly thought she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. "Think maybe it's time I wore _you_ out for a change."

Sparkling eyes laughed back at him then he was teasing her with his lips, firing her up with his hands, cradling and rocking her with his body. The fit so perfect he could cry for the joy of it. The joy of her. Tiny hands wrapped around him she turned and twisted and achieved positions that gave him pain just to look at them. Now she was managing a depth of penetration that made his breathing so ragged he could barely get whole words out. "H... how in _d… diyu_ you doin' that?"

Her laughter was merry, her touch bringing him hard and straining. "Double jointed." She sang out smugly.

"Huh," He managed to huff out as she angled her body and his into a seemingly impossible docking maneuver. The rock of her hips had him aching with rising need, her hands getting the position just right to intensify the feelings she was building in him.

"Do you know Tai Chi, _ai ren_?"

He could barely think straight let alone talk. Well wasn't that a woman for you? Here they were, right in the middle of coitus and she wanted to talk gorrammit. "He a cousin of yours?" Mal huffed.

Her light laughter turned him on as much as her pliant and oh so sexy body. "No. You know it's not. Just saying in Tai Chi they have all these positions. Elegant forms for the body to hold. A dancer's grace, a man's strength..."

"River," He urged between labored breaths as he moved deeper and deeper within her, her legs at an acute angle, his back bowed, hair plastered to his head with sweat. She thought he was the shiniest thing in the 'verse. Her delicate tongue unable to stop flicking out to taste him and absorb the salt in his perspiration as he fought to make a complete sentence. He knew that even as she loved him to within an inch of his life she was laughing tenderly at him. Rutting hell, if he had sufficient breath he would laugh too. "_Xin gan_, this a conversation we need to be havin' now?"

The last thing he recalled was her twisting her body in a way which made him spasm as if his prostate had been gorram electrified. He yelled out as he came, her body riding him and drawing every last bit of fluid from him as he spasmed again and again, her nimble fingers stroking that tight inner wall as he bucked inside her. She took him so far beyond solid ground that he could feel his body trembling with reaction as she continued to coax him until gently guiding him back down again. Her own essence flooding around him. He was hovering on the edge of the Black, her loving face so close to his own that her eyes swallowed him up much as her body had done. Her smile made it all worth it. Her happiness lighting a candle in his soul that would never go out. It took minutes for him to recover enough to move let alone speak. He cupped her face tenderly and gazed at her in something close to adoration. Then his lips quirked tiredly and a little mock scowl distorted his shining face. "You ready to sleep now, _bao bei_?"

She kissed his lips lightly and drew back, eyes smiling at him so gently that it made his heart ache. "_Qu_." She yawned. "You really _are_ insatiable."

His eyes widened, then he realized she was teasing him. Carefully, he cradled her in his arms as they rearranged themselves for sleep, happy to hold her and determined not to let her go. At least, not for the next fifty years or so. Her thoughts rang in amusement in his head. *You really think you have the stamina for fifty years?*

*Hey, talk like that an' you can say hello to your hand.*

*Talk like that,* She responded pinching a nipple so hard he yelped. *And you won't be getting anything to put in your hand - ever again.*

A moment of silence fell between them. He just stared at her, his fingers tracing a pattern through the perspiration on her glowing skin. *Now that, River Tam, is the meanest thing you could say to a man.*

A happy smile on her smug face she buried herself in close to him and shut her eyes. Mal paused a moment and listened to the steady rhythm of her even breath. Her heartbeat rocking his into perfect synchrony. He found himself holding his breath as he watched her. The love of his life already fast asleep.

* * *

><p><em>Sometimes late at night <em>

_I lie awake and watch her sleeping _

_She's lost in peaceful dreams _

_So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark _

_And the thought crosses my mind _

_If I never wake up in the morning _

_Would she ever doubt the way I feel _

_About her in my heart?_

_If tomorrow never comes _

_Will she know how much I loved her? _

_Did I try in every way to show her every day _

_That she's my only one? _

_And if my time on earth were through _

_And she must face the world without me _

_Is the love I gave her in the past _

_Gonna be enough to last _

_If tomorrow never comes?_

_'If Tomorrow Never Comes' by Garth Brooks_

* * *

><p>Mal dropped a tender kiss light as the merest breath of air on her forehead then closed his eyes, determined to make the most of the hour or so he had left before his Captainly duties would stir him out of this most fragrant piece of Heaven.<p>

* * *

><p>Shepherd Book was deep in thought. Not pleasant thoughts but the slow steady consideration of clues becoming fact in his mind. Everyone else had gone to their beds and the ship was quiet and still apart from the background hum of Serenity's engines idling the night away. He went into the galley area of the commons room and made himself a mug of tea, his thoughts a world away from what his hands were doing. He was thinking about the ring. Inara had been so insistent that he search the Captain's quarters. Her directive vague but unique enough to be sure he looked for the right thing. The Phoenix. Had she not been so insistent he doubted he would have been quite as thorough. Diligent. Was sure in fact that he would not have found it. But it was her response to finding it that he remembered with the most troubling distinction.<p>

He had told her that the ring was so well hidden he had almost missed it. Yet, the Companion did not ask **where** it was. Where he had found it. He realized a split second later that she did not ask because she already knew. That made him all kinds of nervous, unpleasant alarm bells ringing in his head until he had sense enough to block and shield his thoughts. A lifetime of building mental barriers kept all but the most accomplished telepaths fooled. It took a special kind of distraction to fool the one woman he feared the most.

* * *

><p>Jeb was concerned. "You can't go!"<p>

He fumed. "Not for you to say, Jeb."

"T'is so, 'specially when you're thinkin' with your heart not your head."

"Jeb, I _have_ to go. Have to know if it's true."

His friend saw the agony in his eyes and faltered. "It's been so long." He said softly.

"Too long an' if I don't go now, I'll never forgive myself, _dong ma_? What we fightin' for if not this?"

Jeb Tanner had no answer to that. After a moment he allowed words of caution to tumble from his lips. "Could be this is a trap an' you're just hearin' what you wanna hear."

He nodded. "I thought of that which is why I'm goin' alone."

Alarmed, Jeb put a hand on his arm. "You can't be doin' that."

He looked at the hand hold. Jeb didn't let go. "No need for hands on, Jeb."

"But..."

A hint of steel reinforced the quietly spoken resolve. "Best you unhand me while we're still friends."

A long sad look followed then the hand was shifted. He knew he was hurting him but this was something he had to do. No question about it. Jeb watched him throw a few clothes and such like into a backpack. "Let me come with you. Watch your back."

His look softened a mite. "_Bu qu_, not that I'm not grateful for the askin', Jeb, but I don't wanna risk more'n we have to. One ruttin' fool is still one fool too many."

"Then don't be a fool." Whispered Jeb.

"Ain't no way I can be anythin' but. This is a chance I gotta take." He started to take his ring off. Jeb shook his head.

"Ain't takin' your ring."

A smile quirked on sardonic lips, "Ain't givin' it to you."

"Then what you think you're doin'?"

"That chain your momma gave you, you still got it?"

Jeb nodded.

"Can I borrow it?"

Jeb grinned and took it from the inside pocket of his shirt waister and gave it to him. It was silver and matched the metal of the ring. He watched as the ring was threaded onto the thirty inch chain and without a word saw his friend carefully hide it under his vest. There was a thoughtful look on his face. "What if they search you?"

"Gotta catch me first."

He sobered. "Still think this is a gorram mistake. We got so much still to do, can't afford to lose nobody, leastways not on a fool's errand."

"Then don't. Count me out of the equation. If it's a trap then at least forewarned I can take precautions, not come at this head on _dui_? But I gotta know."

"An' if it ain't no trap?" He felt his heart contract, hardly daring to hope. "Well now," He said. Voice husky with emotion. "That happens we'll add another to the inner circle I'm thinkin'." Jeb raised an eyebrow at that piece of wish fulfillment but wisely made no comment. Watched as his friend left a few last minute instructions then they hugged briefly and he was gone. For a long, long time Jeb sat in uneasy thought. Decided to grant his friend a few days to check this out. If he heard nothing back then promise or no he was going to track down the source and rutting well kill him. It wouldn't bring him back but it was the least he could do for his impulsive friend.

* * *

><p>Lauren was still a boring uninteresting ball of rock but they had made this last delivery and he had promised Pepper Rawlings that if he could they would return and have a few celebratory drinks with them. He went back to the ship with Jayne and gave Wash final instructions. Insisted River, Simon, Kaylee and Wash remain on Serenity with Inara. He would take the spare shuttle down with Jayne, Zoe, and the Preacher. Book had given the Companion a surreptitious glance but her look clearly warned him to go along with the Captain's plan. He did not like leaving the ship especially now but he could not disobey her. The Companion listened in silence and for once there were no barbed comments between her and the Captain. To Book there was almost a surreal quality to the conversation. As if they had called an unspoken truce since Mal's relationship with River had deepened into something more serious than either had foreseen. Mal had no idea what Inara thought about it and frankly didn't care. He was too many kinds of happy to be needing to toss such joy away in the face of her disapproval.<p>

The Captain left Zoe, Jayne and the Preacher to wait for him while he went to have a word with Simon before they left in the shuttle. Walking the doctor back to the infirmary so they could at least have a semblance of privacy. Simon arched a brow at the Captain, surprised and wary. River kissed Mal's cheek then went to find Kaylee, knowing that the Captain needed to talk to her brother alone. For a moment Mal stared after her, lost in his thoughts until Simon quietly cleared his throat. "You wanted to speak to me, Captain?"

And there it was. The **something** that stood between them large as life and twice as ugly. Mal ignored the almost cold delivery and turned to shut the infirmary door behind them. Not much concerned with what the doctor thought of him personally but all kinds of worried about River. She had become the single most important thing in his _goushi_ life. "Shouldn't be gone long, doc. A few hours or so at most."

Simon nodded. Silent, cautious. Eyes tracking the Captain's uneasy stance and wondering why the man was so tense.

"I know you'll look out for your sister, but you may need to be sharper this time round."

The doctor's eyes narrowed. "What are you saying?"

Mal stepped closer to Simon, voice dropping so he had to concentrate to hear him. "Lower your voice, doc. This boat ain't sound proof."

He raised an eyebrow. "Why would it need to be?"

Mal blinked. "Let's just say things're a mite more complicated than you might think. Don't wanna be takin' no chances, _dong ma_?"

"I would understand you better if you explained what you're talking about, Captain."

"I love your sister, Simon, an' hard as that may be to witness ain't nothin' gonna change that. But these are dangerous times an' I need you to stay sharp an' not assume that just 'cause somethin's familiar it ain't gonna rise up an' bite you."

Simon took a few moments to respond, his eyes boring into the Captain's, carefully sifting the words spoken with the worry and warning glimpsed in the man's eyes. That the Captain was allowing him to see his concern unsettled him more than he could say. He dropped his voice to a soft hush of syllables. "Are you saying we're in danger?"

"Not so much you, doc."

His eyes widened, his breath halting in his chest. "River?"

The Captain resisted the urge to nod. They were standing in the infirmary and he was all aware that it had glass windows. From the shadows anyone could see in. "_Dui_. I already spoke to Wash but no need to worry little Kaylee an' as for River ain't nothin' I could keep from a girl that can see inside my gorram head any time she wants, _dong ma_?"

"Why go down to the planet again if you're this worried?"

"Because not goin' could be more dangerous than goin'."

Simon blinked. "_Duibuqi_? Not sure that made sense, Captain."

Mal resisted the urge to lay hands on him and shake him. "Don't need to make sense as long as you stay sharp. First hint of trouble you look to your sister."

"And do what?"

The Captain's eyes caught his in a firm look that sent a spiral of dread down his spine. "Whatever you have to, doc. Whatever you have to."

His mouth opened then closed. Empty. Soundless. Stunned. He needed to be sure he was reading the Captain right. "You expect us to leave you and the others here?"

"Not sayin' that. If somethin' happens look after your sister, Wash'll know what to do."

"Am I allowed to ask what I should be watching for?"

Mal felt a physical pain in his chest. A visiting sorrow that he had acknowledged a long time back now but had hoped would prove false. Being right left bitter ashes in his mouth. "What you least expect."

Before he could ask him what the gorram that meant the Captain was turning and striding away, jaw set, eyes narrowed and pace brisk. In seconds, the infirmary was empty and Simon found himself strangely on edge. Wondering what in the _diyu_ their noble and _shenjingbing_ Captain had got them into now.

* * *

><p>The Captain knew they were being followed long before Jayne sidled close enough to whisper the fact. Without breaking his stride his soft voice acknowledged his mercenary's concern. "Ignore it, Jayne."<p>

The big man felt anger rising but something in the Captain's demeanor killed the rage. He frowned. Confused. "What's goin' on an' don't give me any _goushi_ about it bein' nothin'."

"Ain't nothin, just can't rightly tell you now. Stay sharp but don't let on you know he's there."

Jayne accepted the instruction easily. A thought occurred to him. "I'm guessin' you know who the _tamade hundan_ is?"

"Nope. Not a gorram clue."

His frown deepened. "Then why can't I just drop back and break his ruttin' neck?"

"'Cause dead men don't tell tales, Jayne, an' we wanna catch this _wangba dan_ and squeeze every last lie outta him until the truth comes a-squeakin' out. Need to know who sent him an' why."

The mercenary could not stop a grin breaking out on his face. The Captain risked a sideways look at him and just managed to stop a smile tugging at his own lips. "I'm takin' it you like that plan?"

"Oh yeah, Cap. I got all kinds of ideas on how to do that."

They were coming in sight of the bar where they had agreed to meet Pepper Rawlings. A couple of paces behind him the Captain could sense the Shepherd tensing. Knew he must be wondering what they were whispering about but there was no time to clue the Preacher in. Might even be that him and Zoe already knew. He just hoped no one would scare the tail away before it could wag the dog.

* * *

><p>Simon was anxious to get River alone but it seemed wherever his sister went Kaylee stuck to her like glue. And was it just his imagination or was Inara watching him? It was ridiculous of course. Then he thought about his odd conversation with the Captain and his concern about being overheard. What in the nine hells did it mean? And why couldn't the man ever come right out and say what was on his mind?<p>

After an hour had passed, Inara went to her shuttle and Simon found himself relaxing. The Captain was cracking up that had to be the answer. One too many knocks on that _wangu_ head of his. He was startled so much he jumped when a voice spoke low in his ear. "Not _shenjingbing_."

"River, do you have to creep up on me like that?" He quickly got over his shock and looked at her more closely. "_Ni hao ma_?"

"_Hen hao_. We have to be _xiaoxin_, Simon."

"_Weishenme_? What the gorram is going on, River?"

"Someone isn't telling the truth."

"The Captain?"

She shook her head, a flicker of anxiety creeping into her eyes.

"_Shei_?"

"It isn't safe here anymore, Simon." She said softly.

Her words stirred the hair on the back of his neck. He resisted the urge to look behind him. "Why do you say that?"

River's eyes widened suddenly, her mouth opening to cry a warning but it came too late. Thin, narrow and deadly. Bright and shiny as it caught the light. Quiet and fast acting. Silent feet, rapid hands, and cold staring eyes caught River's in a look that made her mouth go dry and her heart falter as Simon slid to the floor with a look of surprise on his face before losing consciousness. Tears welled up in her eyes. _Oh Simon_, she cried inwardly, her sorrow overflowing. _Why didn't you listen to the Captain_?

Round and round inside River's head a child-like voice kept repeating over and over the same phrase. _Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive._ Child-like or not it was no comfort to her now.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_lese_ = crap, _ai ren / xin gan_ = sweetheart, _diyu_ = hell, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure,

_qu_ = yes (lit. go), _dong ma_ = understand?, _bu qu_ = no (lit. no go), _dui_ = correct,

_goushi_ = crap/rubbish, _duibuqi_ = sorry, _weishenme _= why?, _shei_ = who/who is it?,

_shenme shi_ = what's the matter?, _shenjingbing_ = crazy, _wangu _= stubborn,

_tamade hundan_ = fucking bastard, _wangba dan_ = bastard, _ni hao ma?_ = how are you?,

_hen hao_ = very good, _xiaoxin _= careful


	8. Truth and Lies

So, what have you guys thought of the previous chapters? I think that the first chapter happens to be one of my favorites!

I apologize for not posting something in the last few days, but hopefully the chapters that I am posting tonight will help satisfy some of you.

As I keep saying, this story does not belog to me; it belongs to Alison M. Dobell i.e. AMDOBELL. You can actually read this story in the _Blue Sun Room_ of (as i have mentioned before). The reason I have been posting this story here is because I believe that Alsion M. Dobell is one of the best fanfic authors and her story should be much appreciated by fans. Another reason, which was was actually brought to my attention to one of the readers, is that reading from the _Blue Sun Room_ can be extremely difficult not only because it's hard to find the story there, but also because the black background is not easy to read from.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

><p>"TRUTH AND LIES"<p>

* * *

><p>He could feel the eyes boring a hole through the back of his neck but refused to turn his head and look at her. There was no way he could externalize his feelings let alone tell Zoe what the rutting <em>diyu<em> was going on. All he had were hints, subtle shifts and gut instinct. But the person shadowing them was real. Pepper Rawlings suddenly leaned over the table and clapped a hand on the Captain's shoulder cutting short his reverie. "You did a good job, Mal. We can use good folks like you if'n you're fixin' to stay a while."

The Captain could feel an itch growing that he could not afford to scratch. He kept his voice friendly, an easy sliding flow meant to keep everybody calm if not distracted. He could feel Jayne at the back of them and knew the big man was on high alert albeit hiding it with the casual grace of his mercenary skill. He liked having that solid wall behind his back. A quick professional gun who had proved his worth time and time again. Just the loyalty issue that sometimes got a little shaky now and then. Shepherd Book listened and sipped his drink occasionally, eyes sharp and noting every little detail. He caught the shadow by the door out of the corner of his eye, now moving back. Out of sight but not out of mind. Keeping his expression blank he sent a mental probe to seek some clue as to the man's identity and purpose here. It did not feel accidental and that worried him. Who else but Rawlings and his men knew they were there?

Zoe Washburne frowned. Knew something was off with the Captain. His tension so well masked that anyone who did not know him well would be hard put to pick up on it, but she was attuned to him. The ease of his every move as familiar to her as her own. The subtle nuances of his spoken words like a kind of shorthand the two of them spoke as fluently as any mother tongue. She was not sure but thought Jayne knew. That troubled her. Why was she out of the loop? What did it mean? Her eyes sharpened, watching and listening and trying to fathom from where any potential threat might come. But there was nothing. Just them and Pepper's people. The sharp light and shadow of the bar lacked the haze of smoke familiar on many worlds. A faint dusty perfume softened the air like incense burned long ago but clinging to clothes and minds like a treasured memory. She liked this place. It had peace and contentment in it but now that balance was shifting. Zoe turned her head and caught Book looking at her. Such a direct focus of attention that for a moment she forgot to be wary and was simply surprised into curiosity. That small distraction was enough for the figure on the periphery to change tactics.

The Shepherd frowned slightly and looked away from Zoe. Alarmed and puzzled that the watcher had retreated. Mind clouded so he could not penetrate the obscuring mists of thoughts too secret to share. A sense of danger settled in his bones in an old familiar way that haunted him still. This was not good. He wanted to urge them to return to the ship but had no way of doing so without drawing attention to himself. The Captain was talking, Pepper laughing easily and keeping up a steady friendly banter that was beginning to irritate him. He stopped himself just in time. No place here for fools or the unwary. At that moment he picked up the tendril of thought he had been seeking. Like finding boot prints in the snow he latched on and used it to track back to the mind it had leaked from. A cautious, wary, trap of iron. Will encased with a determination the equal of any steel. The man's mind was not open to him but some things he could determine now with some certainty. He was on a mission. Following orders. But what were those orders and who had sent him? Was the Guild behind this or was it his people? Someone at a higher level of power tipping the balance of what was to come? No. He mentally jettisoned that idea. This had the feel of a new player not an old one.

Captain Reynolds drained his glass just as the waitress brought a new jug to the table. Pepper picked it up and refilled the glass, talking all the while, his face ruddy from the drink and windburn. His eyes sparkled with mischief in his animated face. "Come, you're not drinkin'."

"Am so, just don't gotta swim in it is all."

Pepper laughed. He liked the Captain and his prickly humor. Wasn't too sure of the others, they seemed a mostly solemn bunch but then people were all kinds of folk. His own men were a testament to that. Right now Porter Knowles was frowning into his drink, nursing it like a patient clinging to life. His eyes already glassy, seeped in his cups more than seven sheets in the wind. Only the table held him upright. Wally Dunn was almost as round as he was tall. A short blocky man with sandy colored hair and beard to match. Not so much quick in his mind as strong but there wasn't a mine anywhere than man couldn't read like a book. Many a cave-in he had predicted in time to get them all out in one piece and thanking every God in the 'verse for his presentiment. Man knew all about stress and pressure, gases and the like. Might have no book learning but in the School of Life he was already a Master. Then there was Lenny Goss. Tall and lean, he was draped in a boneless sprawl with one leg hanging over the arm of his chair and the other stretched out in front of him. Any space he occupied he over ran. Good natured and even tempered yet shrewd.

The scrape of the Captain's chair as he got to his feet pulled Pepper out of his thoughts. "Thanks again for the hospitality, Pepper, but me an' mine have to be goin'."

"Ain't no hurry, Mal..."

The Captain smiled slightly. "Well now, I tell that to my mechanic an' I'm like to be spinnin' in the Black with no suit on. Her bein' all set on seein' them lakes on Rainbow an' all."

Pepper laughed then nodded. "You gotta point an' I ain't gonna push it just remember if you come this way again we got work a-plenty for them as are willin' to haul it, _dong ma_?"

A true smile broke out on Mal's face. "_Wo dong_."

They shook hands and parted, the bright harsh light hitting the Captain's eyes in a fierce glare that made him squint as he stepped outside. Zoe moved towards him. He sensed she wanted to talk, corner him if need be but he was not in the mood. He glanced across at Jayne who had tipped his hat to keep the sun out of his eyes. The mercenary's look said he did not know where their tail had gone. All of sudden, Mal's good mood wasn't so good any more. He had a burning need to get back to Serenity. To brush the dust of this place from his boots and hit atmo just as fast as he could. No one spoke as he quickened his pace. One look at the grim lines forming like rows of infantry on his face had them all unconsciously slipping into full combat mode.

* * *

><p>River was wary, watching the eyes staring at her with all the calm confidence of a predator. There was not the slightest trace of regret. Simon was a distraction nothing more. When River said nothing Inara resisted the urge to smile. "He isn't dead."<p>

"I know."

Inara weighed up the girl's mood. Slightly discomfited by how normal she acted and sounded. How **well** she seemed since taking up with the Captain. That had been unexpected. She did not really like moving this quickly but her hand was being forced. Her thoughts she kept from River. Her mind a box that was lead lined. A Companion's grace as agile as any assassin. River knew and Inara was content. It saved having to draw a line in the sand.

"What makes you think I'll go with you?"

"The Captain."

River felt a trace of unease. She steeled herself not to look down at her brother's supine form laying in an untidy heap between them. A distraction no more. *_Oh Simon, why do you never listen? Wisdom doesn't come with age but with experience. You can't expect it to be handed to you like the candles on a cake. Too many candles and you get burned. Everyone knows that_.* The thought made her think of the Inara. Even now she could feel the fashion of the Companion's lies spinning round inside her head. "You speak but the words don't make sense." She paused, a solemn intensity settling in her eyes. "They don't ring true."

Inara began to relax. This was the River she knew. "That's what people usually say about you."

The girl nodded slowly perpetuating the half-crazy myth that spanned the worlds of the gifted and the insane with equal favor. "All reflections in the mirror but the surface isn't clean and we're all thrown off by shadows." When Inara made no comment River elaborated. "Sleight of hand." She raised a hand slowly, turning it gracefully as if by way of demonstration. "It's all in the wrist." Before Inara realized her intent River struck. The blow sudden and deadly accurate, but just short of delivering the coup de grace. The Companion was dangerous but if you pulled a snake's fangs and removed the poison it was no more than an over-painted worm. All faces were plain beneath the vibrant gloss of stolen colors. As Inara crumpled to the ground River sank to her knees, her eyes anxious as she reached for Simon. Heart cycling through controlled chaos as she fought the urge to cry. She checked his pulse then shook him. They didn't have much time.

* * *

><p>He hardly noticed the <em>lese<em> transport filled though it was with the trappings of Alliance make-work. Demi-officials posing like gods upon a rickety stage full of clowns and misfits. Among the squalor and debris of human life he was invisible. Who needed friends in high places when those in the gutter could serve you so well? Innocent of his purpose they clothed him in their rags and he was content though inwardly his heart swept his thoughts, his hopes and fears before him like a flash flood. He could barely take an even breath for all that he had gambled on this one throw of the die. He understood Jeb's caution only too well. Embraced in spirit his need to protect, to hold on to all that was left of the dream. He cherished it but did not want to dream the dream. He wanted to _live_ it.

Tears bedimmed eyes looking inward and back. Heart aching with remembered joys and sun-filtered days leaking through the gaps in the boarding of their barn and catching the motes of dust like fine grains of gold to rain down upon him. Blankets thin and worn soft with age bound him in warmth from the cold snap of early dawn as they lay drifting between sleep and waking, the warm scented breath and stamp of the horses lulling him with a familiarity he could almost feel beneath his fingertips. The shared moments precious to him because they could not be lived again nor tasted nor savored nor brought to mind with anything but the sharp bittersweet agony of what was lost. Now. This chance had come to him. This unbelievable possibility a shining light to vanquish all the darkness of the years wasted in sorrow and regret. So much had been taken from him almost before he could appreciate what he had.

He blinked. Not noticing the glassy wet diamonds that fell like crystal shards in elongated drops to shatter as once his heart had done. They said that diamonds were the hardest material known to man but they were wrong. Harder still was having to say goodbye to those you loved. To leave them or have them leave you before the journey ended. To walk a path devoid of that company. That union of souls that breathed life into the heart of every man. His father would have mocked him gently. His mother would have kissed his tears and held him close. His uncle would have tried to distract him. His friends reassure him. But his brother. He would have looked into his eyes with not a word spoken. Touched the tears upon his face and dried them with understanding. A thing that needed no expression. A bond not even death could take from them. And now, he all but trembled at his own daring. This step into the unknown. The desire so ripe in him to join the ghosts of the past with the blood and breath of the living. Was he a fool? Assuredly so. Was he deluding himself? He did not think so. But in truth he did not know. Was not even sure it mattered. He had to try. Win, lose or draw. It was the last big gamble he would ever take. If he lost he alone would pay. The others would live. Continue the cause that had taken so many gallant souls to early graves. And if he won? Why then. Even the darkest pits of _diyu_ would echo to the celebration of joy that would ring like a bell through his heart and soul. Then. Then he would find peace enough to open his eyes and live again.

It was all he wanted. All he craved. Almost he felt guilty for wanting it so much as if it was selfish to long with such single minded passion for something that meant more than any other thing in the 'verse to him. He sighed softly and placed a hand over the ring hidden beneath his vest. The shape of it a comfort to his cold fingers. What it represented bringing warmth to his mind. The sudden jolt told him they had landed but he did not move. Let the others crowd and push and hurry he would follow on and lose himself in their wake. He ran a hand through his fine brown hair, the movement stirring the dust that had settled on him and bringing a smile to his lips as he imagined every grain tinged with gold. Mama had called him a dreamer. Well, with _yunqi_ this would be one dream that would come true.

* * *

><p>Zoe did not try to slow the Captain down, her long legs easily keeping pace with his hurried steps. The Shepherd was frowning and kept casting surreptitious looks at the Captain's back. Jayne brought up the rear, eyes wary and every sense stretched like radar for the slightest hint of trouble. They found none. When they reached the ship it was to find an anxious Wash waiting for them. The Captain increased his pace until he was almost running up the ramp, talking as he moved, his body in constant motion. The tension in him like fuel in an engine. "What the gorram happened?"<p>

Wash glanced at Zoe, his worry making her all kinds of uneasy. "It's Inara."

That stopped him. So surprised that for a moment he just stared at him. "_Shenme_?"

Wash blinked. "Inara. Kaylee found her unconscious and bleeding. Next to her was Simon. He was out cold and even after we managed to rouse Inara he didn't come round."

The Captain sucked in a harsh breath, head turning as he looked into the ship's shadows. Taking in everything Wash said but like a cat on hot bricks. "So everybody's fine?"

The pilot was really nervous now. They reached the top of the ramp and Jayne punched the button to close and seal it after them. The Shepherd wanted to go straight to Inara and see how she was but needed to hear what Wash had to say first. A little delay to gather information was never a waste of time. After all information was power. The only universal coin in the 'verse. "Not so much."

A horrible sense of impending doom hung over the Captain like the Sword of Damocles. His heart thundering so loudly in his ears that it was hard to hear anything else above that nameless dread. "Meanin' what? I need you to spit it out Wash."

"After we found Inara and Simon we thought we'd better check on River." He paused just a fraction. Seeing the murderous gleam in the Captain's eye did nothing to steady his nerves. "We couldn't find her, Mal, and we looked _everywhere_."

The blood drained from the Captain's face. "What do you mean you couldn't find her?"

"I mean she's not on the ship."

Zoe quickly stepped between them, not liking the look burning in the Captain's eye. Friend or not she knew how volatile he could get when those he loved were in danger. She might not approve of this thing he had going with River but no one could deny the depth of their feelings for each other. Slowly she was coming to accept them as a couple. This latest development made her go cold all over. If anything happened to River they would be hard put to control the Captain's temper let alone his sanity. The others had never really seen Mal lose control but she had been with him in the Valley. Seen the same things he had seen. Fought and endured in conditions other people couldn't even visualize let alone live through. The sheer scale of their losses at the Battle of Serenity, the abject cruelty of the Alliance troops. The lie of amnesty, the horror of the work camps and the sporadic torture of those held in captivity for no other reason than their desire to protect what was theirs. Being exiled from their home worlds was the least of it. "We should talk to Inara." She said with enforced calm. Willing him to hold it all together. "Find out what happened, who did this."

The Captain's hands were bunched into trembling fists, every cell in his body tense and angry. He did not reply but ran towards the infirmary, the others following. The sight that greeted them gave even the Captain pause. Kaylee was crying. Hardly any sound came from the mechanic but the tears were rolling down her face as she fussed over the Companion. Inara was sitting up on a medical bed, a large medicated pad held up to her face, most of it a vivid crimson. The Captain swore. "What the *_diyu_* happened to you?"

Inara's words were muffled and pained behind the pad. Shepherd Book moved to stand beside her, watching how tightly Kaylee clung to her hand and trying to get a sense from Inara of just what in the nine hells was going on. He put a hand on her shoulder as if in comfort, but he was really ensuring he had some form of physical contact. Touch telepathy would minimize the possibility of anyone being able to hear their thoughts though with River gone that should not be a problem. *What happened, Inara? _Zhen de_?*

She did not look at him. The Captain was talking, his words snapped off in a rapid staccato like bursts of gunfire. Book blocked them out and concentrated on Inara, waiting for her response. *It was River. I injected Simon and before I could do anything to stop her she struck me. Broke my nose!*

The Shepherd's expression darkened. *Where did she go?*

*_Wo bu zhidao_. I blacked out. When I came to Kaylee was shaking me and crying so much I couldn't get any sense out of her.*

*What did you do to Simon?*

She looked away from him and nodded briefly at something Zoe said to her. The Captain turned and stormed out of the infirmary gathering the pilot along with him, pausing only to glance once in Simon's direction. But nothing and no one seemed able to rouse the doctor. Wash exchanged a look with Zoe. Her imperceptible nod telling him she would speak to him later. Then the Captain was gone, the end of his brown coat flapping against his legs as he left. Jayne followed them out, a look of grim determination on his face. Something akin to deep concern on Zoe's as she watched them leave. Every atom of her being wanted to be with the Captain but something did not feel right about this. Not sure yet what it was but she was a creature of instinct and right now her gut was telling her the answers were right here. Trouble was they were camouflaged so well she couldn't see them. Her eyes narrowed and she looked again.

The doctor lay as still and pale as a corpse on a mortuary slab. Only the slight rise and fall of his chest reassured them the boy still lived. Not that Book did not believe Inara but the Companion had different rules and in her hands the truth was nothing if not a fluid commodity that answered to the highest bidder. Both of them had supported Unification but for different reasons. The Preacher was about to ask her another silent question when Simon began to stir. Kaylee gave a broad smile and hurried to the doctor's bedside, a hand reaching out to gently brush the errant fringe from his face as he opened his eyes. Behind her back, Book shared an unguarded moment with Inara unaware that Zoe was watching them. Inara was more than a little annoyed by the unexpected turn of events. The Shepherd cautioned her to do nothing in haste, an idea forming slowly in his mind. It began to solidify into something much more interesting. Something they could yet turn to their advantage. A cold fleeting smile brushed across his lips then vanished leaving only the echo of it in his eyes. A prickle of apprehension crept along Zoe's spine and chilled every bone in her body.

* * *

><p>Hidden eyes watched. Ears stretched. Hands still and wrapped together to prevent any movement betraying them.<p>

* * *

><p>Mal was so wired he could have punched a hole through the gorram hull with his bare fist or so it seemed. Wash was trying to fathom what the Captain thought he could tell him. He had, after all, spent most of the time either on the bridge or in the commons area with Kaylee. Had seen little of Inara, River or Simon. But that was nothing unusual. What was unusual was the idea of anyone sneaking on board Serenity without him or Kaylee noticing. When Mal put it like that all the alarm bells in Wash's head held hands and had a party. He was not the only one not celebrating.<p>

* * *

><p>The man clung to shadows as if they were another layer of skin. He moved on the edge of light, his eyes a piercing searchlight in the heavy squat face. Swarthy complexioned and stocky he was not tall, no more than 5'8" even in his shoes. But he was no fool and knew his business. His business was knowing other peoples'. His business could coat every word he uttered with poison. He watched and listened, waited and took in every detail. He had known within moments of tailing the target that he was aware of him. <strong>That<strong> was unusual. He was light on his feet despite his build and subtle with it. That meant the Captain was not to be taken lightly. This might take longer than the Companion wanted but he had the feeling it would yield more. He always relished a challenge.

Once the meet with Rawlings and his men had finished he let the target go, not following him back to Serenity. There was no need. Some instinct was propelling the Captain to return post haste. The last thing he needed now was for him to get a glimpse of his tail. It would be like allowing the condemned man to peel back the executioner's mask. And that absolutely could not be allowed to happen. No. He would back off. Let him be lulled into a sense of false security. Meanwhile he turned his attention to Pepper Rawlings. Something in the miner's eyes made him wonder but he wasn't sure and he liked to make all his suspicions absolute. Stepping out into the light he folded himself between the shadows and stepped into the bar. Like a knife-stroke cutting off all the oxygen silence fell around him.

It was the lounging affable stranger who unwound himself from the furniture and spoke first. He seemed to recall Rawlings calling him Lenny. "Who're you?"

Well. That at least was nice and direct. He decided to adopt the same approach. "Diamond Harry."

Surprise. Eyes flicked between them. Pepper Rawlings leaned forward just a tad, eyes fixed like heat seeking missiles on Harry's face. If that was his real name Rawlings was a donkey's ass. "Where you from?"

He allowed a warped mockery of a smile to twist sardonic lips. "Somewhere with no beer to the only waterin' hole in town. _Weishenme_?"

For a second he thought he was going to be either challenged or thrown out, then something in the room relaxed. Not sure what it was but he could breathe. Stale musty air but it had oxygen in it. So long as heart and lungs still pumped he wasn't fussy. "Now," Drawled Rawlings, his voice neutral but eyes still hard and suspicious. "How about you tell us where you're really from, how you got here and what in the nine hells you want?"

Harry resisted the urge to laugh. As predictable as night following day. It was a refreshing change. Turning his right hand just enough to make it look casual he carefully enunciated his request. "Just want a drink _pengyou_. A stranger passing through."

The tiny glimpse was enough. Every man in the room reacted albeit the change was subtle. Rawlings nodded slowly and pushed the jug of beer across the table towards him. Lenny Goss rearranged himself in the chair he had just vacated and kicked out an empty one in silent invitation. He was in. Harry gave a nod and took the seat, waiting until a glass was proffered before pouring himself a drink. The ring now safely hidden again. As he drank he stared straight into Rawlings' eyes and this time the silence that folded around him was not hostile. Wasn't exactly friendly either. More like a truce. They were waiting. He drew it out as he swallowed, enjoying the slow burn caressing his dry throat while he relished the moment. There was something so rutting satisfying about being right. When he finally laid the empty glass to rest one of Rawlings' men could not resist asking him a question.

"How'd'you get a name like 'Diamond Harry'?"

He allowed an almost smug smile to settle on his lips. "'Cause I'm as good as gold and twice as hard."

A couple of the men chuckled and grunted. None of them believed him but that wasn't the point. They were listening to him now. He pointed to the jug and waited for Rawlings to nod before pouring himself another drink. This time they visibly relaxed. Time to scatter some bait before dropping his hook in the water. Never knew what you might catch.

* * *

><p>The Captain was frantic and doing a poor job of hiding it. Wash tried to calm him down. Jayne's scowl deepened. "Look, maybe River didn't go anywhere Mal. We should search the ship first, <em>dui<em>? You know how good she is at hiding."

Mal nodded, his throat too tight to squeeze the words passed his lips. His heart faltering as guilt trickled in until it was a torrent assailing him with accusations berating his decision. _Diyu_ he had 'known' something was wrong. Had thought to deflect it from his boat but had ended up just leaving them unprotected. Leaving _her_ vulnerable. He had failed her. _Tian Yesu_ if it wasn't the Valley all over again except then he had not left them. He had fought beside them, hip deep in rotting flesh and flying shrapnel. Urging them to not lose heart but keep faith. The Angels were coming. Only no one had told him they were coming straight from hell. Jayne looked worried. "Wash's right, who knows where the gorram girl went? If someone came aboard from outside Wash or Kaylee would know. That means she's still aboard Mal, _dong ma_?"

Bleak eyes locked onto Jayne's. He did not nod this time but they were right. Taking a deep breath he managed to get his brain back in gear and free his tongue, the need to get to the bottom of this over riding the paralyzing fear that he would not find her. "Okay, we'll do this by the numbers. Keep the cargo bay door locked, no one goes in or out until we get some answers."

Wash and Jayne nodded.

"I'm goin' to speak to Inara. Hopefully once the doc wakes up we can find out exactly what happened."

The Captain strode back to the infirmary without a backward glance. He stepped into the infirmary just as Simon's voice rose in an anguished cry. "River!"

He didn't know how he crossed the intervening space between them but one moment he was stepping through the doorway the next he was beside Simon, a hand on the boy's shoulder, his eyes boring into eyes widened with shock and distress. Oblivious of Zoe, Book and Kaylee standing around the doctor's bed. He did not catch the strange expression on Inara's face, his back now to her, and all his focus on River's brother. "Simon, what the ruttin' _diyu _happened?"

Simon barely acknowledged him. "Someone injected me."

His hand fluttered to the back of his neck but did not touch his skin. Mal frowned. "_Shei_?"

The doctor shook his head. Eyes now focusing on the Captain. His face so white he looked as if he could pass out again any second. Kaylee wanted to coax him to lie back down, to rest, but he needed to find River. "Don't know, didn't see them. They came up from behind. But River saw." His eyes widened in horror, reliving the look on her face which came too late to warn him. "Oh God Mal, she _saw_ them!" He paused to take a gulp of air, his look becoming frantic. "Do you think that's why they took her?"

"They? Come on Simon, think. You tellin' me there was more than one _wangba dan_ on my boat?"

Simon looked startled by the question, frowned, unable to grasp all the pieces of the puzzle that was sifting through his fingers like sand. "_Wo bu zhidao_."

"So it could be just one person, _dui_?"

The Shepherd's look sharpened on the Captain but he did not notice. Inara tensed slightly then forced herself to relax. He couldn't know. It wasn't possible. Simon tried to think, to remember anything that could fill in the blanks but he didn't know because whoever it was had come up from behind. "_Duibuq_i, Captain, I can't tell you anything else. I never heard or saw anything until River tried to warn me but by then it was too late, the needle was in my neck and I passed out."

The Captain frowned. "What they inject you with?"

He wanted to swear at the Captain, tell him to _gunkai_, but he wasn't really mad at him. He was just so worried about River that nothing else mattered. Mal's hand on his shoulder tightened as he shook him.

"Simon! Stay with me… Focus, _dong ma_? No one wants to tear this boat apart more than me to find River but we also need to know what they did to you."

Simon glared at the Captain. "What they did to me? River's GONE!" He shouted, his distress now stirred up and vented at the Captain in full. "Can't you get that through your thick _chun_ head?"

"Simon," Said the Captain more quietly, his words dropping into the calm cadence that had steadied many a young man in battle. Zoe recognized his tone, was not surprised to see Simon begin to respond as Mal continued to speak. His anger draining away slowly. "Need you to focus here 'cause this **is** important. I want you to use that top three per cent to analyze your physical condition, _dong ma_? Think you can do that?"

He swallowed hard to hold back the tears. "But River..."

"We'll find River, I promise."

"How can you make promises like that? She could be injured; she could be shipped off already in some crate back to the Alliance..."

His voice had begun to rise again. The Captain cut him off before he could work himself into an incoherent frenzy. "Simon, you ain't helpin' River if you don't focus." Simon stilled, forced himself to take a few deep breaths. "That's it. Good, now how you feelin'? Describe it for me."

He thought the doctor was going to launch into an angry sarcastic tirade but he didn't. That took energy and his was fast deserting him. Instead he described the feelings of disassociation coursing through his veins, the bright stab of light in his head interrupting his sight and throwing his vision and balance off. The way his thoughts could not grasp concepts, the words no longer in his head yet other thoughts flew off his tongue before he realized he was even thinking them. It was like being on a rollercoaster high but without the euphoria.

"Now what drug does that?"

Simon blinked at him. Slow and sluggish his mind was having difficulty with the question.

"Simon," Said the Captain gently, a look of worry surfacing in those dark blue eyes. "Stay with us, Simon. Not sure it's safe for you to go to sleep. Not till we find out what they did to you."

"Not going to sleep." Mumbled the doctor, eyelids growing so heavy he could barely keep them open.

The Captain looked at the Shepherd. "Preacher, I know you know some doctorin'. I want you to stay with him an' make sure he don't go to sleep, _dong ma_?"

Book nodded. Kaylee was looking at Simon with watery eyes, her hands still clasping his as if letting go would take surgery. "Simon's gonna be alright isn't he, Cap'n? He's gotta be alright."

"Kaylee, we gotta find out what they did to him- what was in that gorram needle. Why don't you stay with the Preacher an' look after him?"

She gave him a grateful nod. Pursing his lips together he caught Zoe's eye. Then, too carefully to be entirely casual, he turned and looked straight at Inara. He could not see the whole of her face because of the blood soaked pad but her eyes were now fixed on his. He had a thousand questions lining up to demand answers. The look she saw in those cobalt depths told her that he would not be taking any prisoners.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_diyu_ = hell, _dong ma_ = understand?, _wo dong_ = I understand, _lese_ = garbage/rubbish,

_yunqi _= luck, _shenme_ = what?, _zhen de_ = it's true/really, _wo bu zhidao_ = I don't know,

_weishenme _= why?, _pengyou _= friend, _dui _= correct, _tian Yesu_ = sweet Jesus, _shei_ = who?,

_chun_ = stupid, _wangba dan_ = bastard (lit. bad egg), _duibuqi _= sorry,

_gunkai_ = fuck off/get lost


	9. Beneath the Mask

**Quote:** _Mal had known the moment he met Inara and she confessed she had supported Unification that she was a spy. _

Mal is a genius.

* * *

><p>"BENEATH THE MASK"<p>

* * *

><p>Mal had known the moment he met Inara and she confessed she had supported Unification that she was a spy. Didn't matter a good gorram that the war was over. She was all kinds of subtle about it, but watching for his reaction all the same and that was his first clue. Not sure even now that she realized it for what it was. That however improbable it seemed she was putting him on notice. Probably thought he was too rutting <em>jiandan<em> to realize it. She certainly seemed by turns to be amused then disparaging. He had liked her assertion that he would rent the shuttle to her and for a quarter less than his asking price. Her confident audacity had impressed him and it did not hurt that she was a mighty fine looking woman. Not that Inara was not all aware of that fact, her being a Companion and all. He could have played out the fiction that he had been given a better offer and just not rented the shuttle to her but he remembered an old saying from Earth-that-was. _'Keep your friends close__,__ but your enemies closer'_. Plus he was more than a mite curious to find out what the _diyu_ she was up to and why she wanted to be on his boat in the first place. Fine woman like that could have her pick of the luxury yachts and cruisers plying their trade in the black. Tempted by the challenge and giving in to his curiosity he had hired the shuttle out to her. All the while promising himself to keep at least one rutting eye on her doings.

The dance he did with Inara since she came aboard his boat was not flirting. Leastways not seriously so although there was a mutual attraction neither could quite shake off. He had been deliberately trying to keep her off balance so she could do no more than surface scans. He had heard things. Strange and creepifying things about the agents of the Alliance and what they could do. Things that made what happened to River look like an everyday gorram experience. A walk in the rutting park. No words could express how upset and outraged that made him feel. It was why he was determined to tread carefully around the Companion and not fall victim to any of her womanly wiles. He was not worried about her seducing him. Manipulating him into doing what she wanted as he let her believe. His reasons were a lot more complicated and simple at the same time. Round her he embraced chaos, continually changing his manner and the seeming direction of his thoughts so she could not predict his mind nor plot his course. The moment he let down his defenses, she could work on his distraction and all would be lost. Only now did he realize how vain a hope that had been. A leap in fantasy not the reality of a true thing clearly seen.

She was watching him now, her eyes unwavering. As cool as a gorram cucumber. Mal could feel Zoe's tension behind him but did not turn to look at her. He needed to keep both eyes on Inara right now. Injured or not something was disturbing him on a number of levels. "What happened Inara?"

Her eyebrows rose above the white pad of gauze. "_Shenme_?"

"Tell me how you got injured."

"It happened so quickly. I was talking to Simon. I turned away, he cried out. I spun round just as something hit me full in the face. I never saw who or what it was because I lost consciousness."

The Captain was frowning slightly. "_Weishenme_?"

Inara blinked. "What do you mean _why_?"

"Simple question, Inara. Why did you turn away from Simon?"

"I was about to leave the room."

He just stared at her. Inara stared back. Behind the Captain, Zoe began to frown. Feeling as if the greater part of the conversation was going unspoken. It irked her and was more than a little unsettling. After several moments in which the silence became as taut as a bowstring, the Captain made a suggestion. "Let's take this to your shuttle."

Her eyebrows rose. The Captain had managed to surprise her. Something he was capable of doing with alarming regularity. It put her on the defensive and that made her mad though she was able to hide it behind a polite mask. "_Weishenme_?"

Something that looked like amusement flickered in his dark blue eyes but there was a quality of steel behind it that made her feel like shuddering. Made her wonder if she had ever really known this man. _Diyu_ what had she got herself into with this _shenjingbing _Captain? "Why would I do that?"

His voice dropped lower. Soft vowels coaxed mangled consonants into a semblance of speech that made her want to send him back to school - if he'd ever had more than a passing acquaintance with one - while at the same time putting her on notice that the Captain was deadly serious. "'Cause I'm guessin' a fine **lady** like you don't wash her laundry in public." He paused a moment, a look in his eyes she could not fathom. That irked her more than the words that followed. "You an' me got unfinished business, Inara. Might want to think on the alternative if you refuse."

A look of shock reflected genuine surprise. "Are you _threatening_ me, Captain?"

Now he _was_ amused, but it was all dark and twisted and not remotely funny. "Don't make threats, Inara. You want answers, so do I. The doc can take a look at you once he gets his own self straightened out, _dong ma_?"

She realized she had little choice. And she would rather not have anyone else hear this conversation anyway. Besides, once Mal was on her shuttle he was in _her_ parlor. Inara resisted the sudden urge to smile, but clung to the fire he always roused in her when he was in defiant mode. Inara was careful not to look at the Shepherd, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the Captain until he gave a tight nod then sketched a mock bow for her to lead the way. Zoe made to follow but was halted by Book's quiet words. "I think the Captain wants to talk to Inara in private, Zoe."

Zoe looked at him but his face gave nothing away. He looked so calm and wise and dependable. She nodded but privately told herself that if they were gone longer than thirty minutes she was going to go in there and see what was what. Again she felt that uneasiness stir in her belly. Touching her with a nameless fear. Her look hardened and she glanced back at the now empty doorway. Only pulled out of her dark thoughts when Simon started to speak. All heads turned to him as the doctor insisted on sitting up, eyes barely able to focus and movements groggy. Kaylee so close to him you would think their skins were fused together.

* * *

><p>He was tired. Worn out almost except this was no time for sleeping. Taking a deep breath he steeled himself and slipped in behind the mass of people decamping from the transport, as unremarked as if he had been invisible. The dirty rags and his unkempt appearance meant even when folks saw him they looked away, gave him a wide berth as if his sorry state was catching. It made him want to smirk but he resisted the urge. It was a childish thing anyway. What was it papa had said in them bible readings so long ago? *<em>When I was a child I spoke as a child, I understood as a child: but when I became a man I put away childish things<em>.* He sighed, heart sad and heavy knowing he would never hear papa again. Where one had lost his faith the other had found it. It was up to him now to prove that faith still valid. For **all** of them.

Stumbling he let his legs carry him where they may not knowing the lie of the land nor where to find what he was looking for. Ty had given him enough information to whet his appetite. Even told him which _lese_ world to make for. Jeb had not wanted him to listen. Still less go. A faint smile cracked the dirt caked upon his face. Inured to the smell of stale sweat and assorted unpleasant odors that he had picked up in transit he knew Jeb didn't trust Ty. _Diyu_, Jeb hardly trusted anyone any more. It was a sad fact of life that whoever commanded the highest coin swayed the loyalty of many men. It took a strong man not to take the proffered bread when he was starving to death. 'Specially them that had families to feed and nothing to give them. So he was not as quick to judge knowing necessity drove some away from the path. He just hoped this wasn't some gorram wild goose chase. If it was this would be one occasion he would be willing to follow Jeb's desire to skin the _wangba dan_ and have done with him.

* * *

><p>It was hard for Kaylee to calm Simon down. Shepherd Book watched and Zoe forced herself not to grill the doc for answers. She had to admit he did not look so good but with each passing minute he appeared more coherent and focused. For the tenth time he tried to pried himself away from Kaylee and get off the bed.<p>

"No, Simon, you have to wait. Get your strength back."

"Kaylee's right son," Said the Preacher. "Whatever was injected into you knocked you out and although you are now awake you are obviously disorientated and unsteady."

"I have to find River..."

"We will." Said Zoe with more certainty than she felt. Right now she was confused and anxious and more than a little antsy. "Are you sure there's nothing you can remember just before you blacked out?"

"If I knew I'd tell you!" He snapped. A look of horror swept over his face when he realized what he had said and how he had said it. "I uh, I'm sorry Zoe. I didn't mean it like that."

"_Wo zhidao_. We're all a mite wound up right now."

Simon took in those words and seemed to still himself as he did so. "What's Mal doing?"

"Apart from driving himself _shenjingbing_?" Simon nodded. Zoe sighed. "Tryin' to figure out what happened."

"I need to see him, speak to him."

"Captain's talkin' to Inara."

He was about to ask her why then the dime dropped. "Oh. Of course." He paused. "I want to go with him."

Zoe blinked. "Where? To Inara's shuttle?"

He frowned then shook his head, starting to get agitated. Kaylee continued to fuss over him, trying to keep him calm. It was a measure of his distraction that he let her. "No. When the Captain goes looking for River I'm going with him."

Kaylee's eyes widened in alarm. "Simon, you can't! What if the Alliance catches you?"

The doctor gave her a long slow look before speaking again. "What if the Alliance already has River?"

He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth. The way Kaylee's expression crumpled in grief made his heart hurt and filled him with guilt. River was Kaylee's best friend. "I'm sorry Kaylee; I had no right to say that. It's just I'm so worried and it's making me hateful."

His words steadied her some. "You ain't hateful, Simon."

"Well no, but I wasn't exactly tactful and I _am_ sorry."

Instantly he was forgiven. Her smile brighter than any sun he had ever seen on any world. And for a second, one long precious moment in time he lost himself in the dazzling light and warmth of her and forgot about his sister. When the moment of dizzying revelation passed pain and horror flashed through his heart and soul and drew an agonized cry from him. Alarmed, Kaylee's eyes widened in concern. "Simon?"

He stared at her in undisguised horror. How the _diyu_ could he have been so stupid? So slow to put the pieces together? Kaylee shook him until his unfocused gaze turned back to her.

"Simon, _shenme shi_? You're scarin' me."

* * *

><p>When they got to the shuttle Inara felt the smile threatening to spill across her lips widen. She quickly schooled her features as she stepped aboard. Let the Captain think he was the one orchestrating this confrontation. She carried on walking to the far side of the main room where the bed was. The Captain followed her and stopped near the middle of the room. As Inara turned to face him the door behind Mal clicked shut. Startled he turned just as the barrel of a handgun was pressed against his neck. The man's other hand deftly plucked the gun from his holster at the same time. "What the gorram you playin' at, Inara?"<p>

She walked casually up to him, sharing a triumphant little smile with the swarthy man who now had the drop on the unarmed Captain. "Take your belt off."

Mal's eyes narrowed.

"Gun belt." She elaborated smoothly.

When he made no move to do as instructed, the swarthy man unbuckled the belt with his free hand. The Captain glowered at him. Diamond Harry grinned back showing several teeth topped with gold fillings. For such an ugly man he looked damn pleased with himself. Harry slung the gunbelt behind him, the Captain's gun shoved into the waistband of his trousers. At no time did he take his eyes off Mal. Captive or not he had no intention of underestimating their prisoner. The Captain looked at Inara, eyes as hard as flints albeit he kept his tone even and did not raise his voice it was all kinds of deadly. She knew they had literally caught a tiger by the tail. "What you done with River?"

"I haven't done anything with her."

She could see he did not believe her. "Alright then, what did your trained gorilla do with her?"

The man gave no reaction to the sneered insult. Inured to anything the Captain might say. Truth was they were holding all the gorram cards. Let the little piece of Independent _goushi_ say what the _diyu_*he liked there was only one way this was going to end. It was up to the foolish _wangba dan_ how messy it got along the way. "I'll say this one last time Mal: I haven't done anything with her."

His eyebrows lifted and for a second the dark thundering expression clouding his face lifted. His eyes sparkled briefly as a thought occurred to him. "Gorrammit! It was River that hit you, wasn't it?" He laughed. The humor of it only cut short when Inara slapped him hard across the face to shut him up.

"Did you really think you could hide?"

The Captain looked confused. "What in the nine hells you talkin' about?"

Her look was cold. Uncompromising. "The Rebellion."

"Rebellion? What rutting rebellion? You sure you didn't get knocked on the head, not the nose?"

This time it was the swarthy man who hit him, the side of the gun connecting with his face quicker than the eye could follow. Something cracked. Mal staggered back a step, blood running down the side of his face where the skin was broken. Inara suspected his cheekbone had to be cracked if not broken. She glanced at Diamond Harry. Though her tone was mild it was still an order. "We want him alive."

Harry nodded but said nothing. Mal blinked, holding back tears. It took a while for the stars in his head to clear though his vision was a mite blurred. Paradoxically the pain helped him concentrate but it was difficult to make sense of what the gorram was going on.

"No sense in lying to me, Mal, we found the ring."

Baffled, he tried to make sense of what she was saying. "Ring? What gorram ring?"

Inara looked at Diamond Harry. He took something from his top pocket and handed it to her. Carefully she held it up so the Captain could get a good look at it, the silver figure of the Phoenix set with an Imperial Jade center stone and silver wings swung backward so that the bird looked as if it was either just taking off or just landing. "Recognize it now, Mal? The Phoenix."

"Inara, I don't gotta ring."

"It was in your room."

That got more reaction than production of the ring had. He stared at her in astonishment. "What were you doin' in my bunk?"

She shook her head, eyes fastened on his like limpets. "I wasn't in your bunk, but that's beside the point. How I got the ring is not nearly as important as how you did."

"How many times I gotta tell you? I don't got a ring."

Inara frowned. "There's one way to settle this. Harry, open his right hand. Maybe we can jog the Captain's memory."

Mal would have struggled if he thought it would do any good but was too numb to do more than let them do what they had to. Once they saw that the ring didn't fit they would have to find another guinea pig for this three-ringed circus. Inara kept eye contact and held her breath as she slid the ring on his third finger. He snapped shut his sagging mouth with an audible click. It fitted perfectly.

* * *

><p>"Two by two, hands of blue. Two by two, hands of blue..."<p>

The grill marked her knees through the thin cotton dress. Her bare feet made no sound, her limbs folded into the tiny crawlspace as if her bones were rubber. Double jointed, but she still felt pain. Hers. _His_. White faced she forced herself to concentrate on the bigger picture. Not go racing off to follow her heart. It would be hard and the timing had to be so gorram perfect. She didn't want to kill him. Didn't want them to find out. He was brave and all kinds of strong. River clung to that knowledge hoping it would be enough. Caressed his image in her mind and let the silent tears wash the blood from her hands. Blood that she could not prevent from falling. It was all cloudy anyway. Nothing clear or certain any more. Only her love for him.

Her hands were shaking so hard River wove her fingers together, body trembling uncontrollably in her distress as the tears multiplied like some depressing and heart breaking baptism. *Mal, Mal, Mal, love you so much _bao bei_. Hold on, hold on, hold on! They'll try and break you and I can't help you, not now, not yet.* She choked on a sob then stuffed the fingers of both hands in her mouth to muffle the sound. *_Duibuqi_, ai ren. Just hold on and remember I love you...*

* * *

><p>Simon blinked hard then turned his head and looked at the Shepherd. "You know. Tell them."<p>

The Preacher gave him a carefully blank look. "Tell them what? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You were there, you saw what happened."

Zoe frowned at the Preacher but he seemed baffled, mystified. "I'm afraid you are mistaken, doctor."

He shook his head as if something inside it was loose. Kaylee squeezed his hand. Simon blinked and tried to get his thoughts into some kind of coherent order but it was so hard. Difficult. He glanced again at Book and could not remember what it was he had wanted to say to him. Zoe noticed his distraction and waved a hand in front of his face to get his attention. "Simon. What the _diyu_ do you mean the Shepherd knows? Knows what? What did he see?"

Simon felt all fuzzy. The words were wafting through the air towards him but somehow never made it in one piece to his ears. He got fragments and bits of fragments, nothing as whole or useful as a single word. He frowned, felt sick. The 'verse was warping around him bending both light and shadow around the shape of vowels and consonants yet leaving no afterimage. Who were these people? And if they looked like friends why were they tormenting him?

"Simon?"

That was the one who called herself Kaylee. At least she _looked_ like Kaylee, didn't she? He frowned. Felt so gorram dizzy and confused. Up was no longer up and down was all over the rutting place. And why the _diyu_ was the ship swaying about like that? Kaylee put a hand on his shoulder, he began to shake his head. **BIG **damn mistake. Without time to warn her he promptly threw up over Serenity's startled mechanic. Without missing a beat Zoe's dry comment landed like muffled cotton wool on his ears just before he passed out. "Guess he isn't doin' so well after all."

* * *

><p>Down in the cargo bay someone else wasn't doing too well either. Jayne was all kinds of frustrated. Wash tried not to show his impatience not wanting to set the big man off. "This is gettin' us ruttin' nowhere. That crazy girl ain't gonna come out less she wants to."<p>

"Why wouldn't she want to?"

Jayne shrugged but despite his words kept right on looking. Wash hid a smile. "Who knows? She weren't right in the head before an' even with the Cap helpin' she still ain't right."

"Well, that was profound."

The mercenary paused and glared at him. "Meanin'?"

"Meaning nothing Jayne, just that you were making sense."

Jayne frowned not at all sure that Wash wasn't making fun of him though he looked sincere enough. He decided to let it ride this once and they finished the rest of the search in silence. They even searched the gorram airlock. Then Wash had an idea.

"You remember when that Alliance ship searched us? Thought we murdered those folks off that transport ship that got hit by Reavers?"

A shudder went through Jayne before he could stop himself. "Like I'm gonna forget. What about it?"

"I think we should check the EVA suits. Maybe River really isn't _in_ the ship any more. Maybe she's _on_ it."

For a moment the big man just looked at him then a big grin slid over his face. "Good idea. Bet that's where she's been hidin'."

With renewed hope and vigor they checked the suits. Wash's face fell when they found none were missing. "Gorrammit, I was sure that was what she'd done."

Jayne shook his head. "She ain't here, Wash, not unless she's hidin' with Inara."

"Nah, Inara would've said something and we already checked the spare shuttle."

Jayne looked troubled. "I ain't lookin' forward to tellin' Mal we can't find her."

The pilot nodded. Both men now subdued. Wash felt sad knowing it would hit the Captain hard. He could not remember ever having seen the man as happy as he was with River. It damn near broke his heart to think of what he would do without her. And then there was Simon. "Yeah, me neither."

For a moment neither moved then Wash and Jayne exchanged a look.

"Perhaps we'd better check one last time? Just to be sure."

Jayne nodded, relieved to be able to put off telling the Captain they had failed.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_jiandan_ = simple, _diyu_ = hell, _shenme_ = what?, _weishenme_ = why?, _lese_ = crap,

_dong ma_ = understand?, _wangba dan_ = bastard (lit. bad egg), _wo zhidao_ = I know,

_shenjingbing_ = crazy, _shenme shi_ = what's the matter?, _goushi _= dog shit, _duibuqi_ = sorry,

_ai ren_ = sweetheart, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure


	10. Resurrection

Concerning this chapter, all I have to say is: I never really liked Inara.

* * *

><p>"RESURRECTION"<p>

* * *

><p>He eyed the syringe warily. Tried to back away only there was nowhere to go. Harry's smile held no humor, it was a grim unrelenting mask. There was something almost detached about it as if any pain inflicted was a routine necessity he should surrender to if not embrace. His back stiffened, fingers flexing in the tight steel cuffs that bound his hands behind his back. Harry put his hands on the Captain's shoulders and pressed him down into the chair. Mal swallowed. More afraid of what was in that syringe than any torture he had faced with Niska. He raised his eyes to Inara's and saw no emotion that deserved the name. There was something very creepifying about a woman doing this to him. His brother would have laughed at his distinction and reminded him who had taken the first bite out of the gorram apple. Frustration. Fear. Sorrow. Anguish. All the borders of despair. To have come so far, suffered so much, for this. He could not bear to have it all ripped away by this scheming black hearted <em>pofu<em>. Butter wouldn't melt in her mouth but arsenic would.

He closed his eyes on the sharp bite of steel and felt the slide of the needle sink into his vein. He did not want to open his eyes. To see her gloating as the nefarious mixture flowed into his bloodstream. Inwardly he seethed with impotent rage, cried and pleaded out to sleeping gods to wake and save him from this last wall of faith crumbling beneath her cultured fingertips. He felt her breath upon his face but refused to open his eyes. To acknowledge the true face of evil. "Soon," Said Inara with silky confidence. "You will tell me everything."

He wanted to shake his head, deny her but at his core the Captain was an honest man. Unlike others for him the cloth of deception was never an easy fit though there were times when necessity made it so. He did not embrace the lie nor let it guide him through the shadow of the valley of death but at times he used it as shamelessly as they. Now everything he was, everything he had was about to be ripped from him. Resisting the urge to cry out he found himself turning his thoughts back to the Lost Book. The one they called the Bible. *My Lord, why hast thou forsaken me?* Not that he would admit the remnants of his faith to the crew. Best they never know just how far he had fallen. That was a different war, same battlefield. Some things the others did not need to know. His ghosts. His pain. His burden. Carried willingly to hide other scars. Now soon those too would be revealed and there was not a gorram thing he could do about it.

Diamond Harry looked at the Companion. "You want this recordin'?"

She shook her head. What was the use of a photographic memory if you didn't use it? What she wanted from Malcolm Reynolds would do more to crush the Rebellion than a battalion of the Alliance's finest. Elite troops were only called that if they were the last ones standing. That Reynolds had evaded them for so long was a testament that even the Elite could be taken. Could fall. Even a man like Malcolm Reynolds could be broken. Niska had been good but she was better. He had failed because he loved the torture more than the secrets that could be revealed. His concentration was therefore not on the main goal. The point of the exercise. Inara Serra was about to redress the balance. That it would also be painful was a small concession to the man they knew as Father Death. Niska had liked that title, accepted it as an honor that was his due. She had many names as befitted her position but the usual one associated with her was Mother of Sorrows. By the time she had finished with Reynolds, he would know each of those sorrows intimately. It would be the sweetest of confections to strip the knowledge from him layer by layer until every cell was exposed and every link was broken. The Rebellion ended here. Even if she had to snatch it from his dying breath.

* * *

><p>Wash shook his head. Could hardly bear to meet Zoe's eyes. Behind him Jayne fidgeted and wondered where the Captain was. Simon was out cold, Kaylee holding his hand and trying not to cry. The Shepherd had a sympathetic look on his face but beyond that Wash could not tell what he was thinking. His thoughts came back to the matter at hand with Zoe's response. "You sure you looked everywhere, <em>zhangfu<em>?"

He was a little surprised and hurt that she would ask him that but the look of pain in her eyes stilled his own from forming. She was worried. They all were. Was it any wonder she needed to be sure? "She isn't on the boat, _bao bei_."

Zoe took a sharp breath. This was not good.

"Where would she have gone?"

That was the preacher. They turned to look at him. Zoe shrugged, her heart heavy. "You know River she could have gone anywhere."

"I'm guessin' wherever the music's loudest." Said Jayne.

He almost flinched self-consciously when all eyes turned to him.

"What? I'm sayin' music draws her. I say we should look round the markets an' such. Any place bright an' noisy."

"I'm not so sure that's a good thing." Said Zoe frowning.

Wash slid his arms around her waist. "Why not, _bao bei_?"

She shrugged. Not quite able to put her feelings of disease into words. "Let's see what the Captain thinks. Which reminds me, I best go see what's keepin' him."

"Should we try to rouse Simon first?" Asked Book.

The question delayed the Captain's first mate a few seconds. "Why? Boy's out cold, Preacher."

*That's not the only thing that's cold.* thought Book. "I'm sure the first thing the Captain would want to know is what the doctor remembers. Seems to me he was remembering something just before he lost consciousness."

Her frown deepened. What was wrong with this picture and why couldn't she grasp what it was? "Not seein' how he's gonna be much help but we can try."

The Preacher inwardly sighed with relief and hoped Inara would hurry things up. If the crew got suspicious now it could ruin a great many things that had been a long time in the planning. And he still had to find the girl. He hid a secretive smile. Let them search every market place on every _lese_ world he did not intend to be going anywhere. The best lure in the 'verse was lying flat out on the bed in front of them. River Tam would never desert her brother. Sooner or later ties of blood would bring her back to them.

* * *

><p>He was tired. Hungry. Wet and cold. The planet was a nightmare for him. Rain lashed him like cold wet needles and stole the little body warmth he had taken with him off the ship. Lauren. Who in their right mind would call a rutting planet Lauren? Should'a just called it Purgatory and have done with it. He pulled his rags tighter round his shivering body, but not so tight as to tear them further. Camouflage was all well and good but right now he was missing his own clothes almost as much as food in his belly. The old wounds had healed well but the damp played havoc with his system, sparking off dull throbbing pain through every joint in his body and licking a trail of remembered agony along every scar. Still. Leastways he was alive. Still breathing. And that was a miracle in itself. A fire of determination stoked his chill soul into movement, memories providing lamps to light his way in the gathering gloom as night crawled in behind the heavy clouds like enemy soldiers sneaking up on his position under cover of darkness. Metaphors. Gorrammit, it was the last thing he needed right now but he could not stop his mind from ticking over and at least it held the nightmares at bay.<p>

Ty wasn't here of course. Probably had never set foot on the rutting planet but his information was good. Sound. **Solid**. His descriptions too vivid for invention. A crack of lightening seared the sky with its' bright flash like a demon sword severing the darkening veil that would hide him. He did not care. Already the eyes of the people passing, hurrying to find shelter and somewhere warm and dry out of the rain, took no more notice of him than the bits of trash that had been discarded by careless people on every world ever terraformed by the hand of man. He coughed and cursed inwardly. Could not afford to get sick. Had to get out of the damnable rain, gorrammit. That was when he saw the man. Big fellow. Stocky and solid as the side of a mountain. The eyes were steady, level, like calm pinpoint lasers slicing through the stinking stench of borrowed rags to the proud man concealed within. The tatterdemalion not fooling his keen sight one whit.

It was almost a relief when the big man turned his head and aimed that searchlight away from his thrice damned soul. Then he looked back at him and a ghost of a smile teased weathered lips. He moved quietly but swiftly, a hand reaching out to touch him almost reverently on the shoulder. Such a gentle touch, not at all what he would have expected. He frowned. Disadvantaged by the look on the man's face, the burden of care briefly shown one stranger to another. "You look frozen, _pengyou_." The man said softly.

He started at the words, eyes now glued to the stranger. Not even air passing his lips as he held his breath.

The tentative smile became warmer. A living ghost not a dead one. "Come, let's get you in the warm where's there's food a-plenty and a place to lay your head."

"Why would you be doin' that for a stranger?"

The man stared at him for a moment as if his face should be known. Then he nodded slightly when he saw no sign of recognition. "You're right, you don't know me but that will change."

He raised half amused eyebrows, trying not to shiver and ruin the effect. Now completely soaked to the skin. His rags clinging to him and sealing in the wet and cold. "That a fact?"

An open grin now plastered itself across the big man's face as the rain lashed down his wind-burned cheeks. Eyes twinkling with a concealed joy. "I've waited a long time to meet you, not gonna waste it now _pengyou_."

He let himself be half led and half coaxed across a muddy street. Hardly aware of the strange looks occasionally sent their way. The warm dusty interior of the saloon was welcome to him. So weary now yet cautious still. The place was not empty. A rag tag assortment of men were seated at a couple of tables, two others leaning on the bar counter but all looking expectantly in his direction. The big man turned to him and seemed to visibly puff out his chest. Maybe it was his imagination but every man in that bar seemed to straighten. If they had all been on their feet he would have sworn they were coming to attention. "My name is Pepper Rawlings and these here are my men." He paused, a look of quiet pride shining in his modest brown eyes. "Out of the ashes of defeat..."

Every man in that bar rose to his feet and finished the affirmation with him, their solemn voices ringing in a cadence of Independent commitment, eyes shining, conjoined in a single purpose. Bound to him with ties as strong as those of blood. "...we will rise again!"

Like a beggar at a feast he could not speak for the tears in his eyes. Too moved for words. Pepper ordered hot food, had Lenny go get a hot tub prepared and fresh clothes for him. He finally reclaimed his voice.

"You could be making the biggest gorram mistake of your life, Pepper."

The big man laughed, a warm happy sound that somehow suited this ill-lit place. "I wasn't sure it was you at first but you look like him. Knew then that you would come. Didn't matter the where, the when or the how, _dong ma_? One thing the valley taught us was patience."

The soft answering smile was all the reassurance Pepper needed. His heart could not have been more full had the war never happened. He was back and they were never going to lose him again.

* * *

><p>She was distraught. Could feel the tugging curtain of his mind being ripped from him. His soul crying out to her and she unable to answer. Could not risk them knowing she was there until she struck. Had to keep her mind screened to avoid detection. On the periphery she was aware of Book, knew he was waiting though it would do him no good. Was worried about Simon, but her <em>ai ren's<em> danger was more imminent. Simon would heal, what had been done to him was a temporary affliction. If she failed to do this right the Captain would not be the only one to suffer. She knew his mind. Would keep his secrets. But the people they were up against were ruthless. Like the criminally insane they thought everyone but them was mad. River knew different. It was a dance she knew well which is why she knew that with every step it was the timing that was most important.

* * *

><p>The shuttle seemed so much smaller. Not intimate but claustrophobic. He tried to shut Inara out, he really did, but the strength of his body was being used against him to devastating effect. His will systematically being dismantled while he was forced to watch. His resistance crucifying him with agony.<p>

"Tell me what I want to know and this will stop."

He gritted his teeth. The implacable slide to conformity drawing heart and soul towards a pact with the Devil that he would never sign. Rather his rutting heart stop beating than give an inch. Her laughter was light and musical but so false. He knew the ring of it now and like knives it cut him to the quick. How could he have ever thought her beautiful? She picked up the stray thought before he could quash it and the edge of her smile added cunning to the polite veneer of her Companion's mask.

"Mal," Her voice trailed off, the whispered name making his ears ache and tears prick his eyes. His reaction made her pause. Slightly puzzled. "Malcolm Reynolds." The reaction was gone now. Fey. A thing half glimpsed and thus unreal. Or was it? "Where are the others? I want names. Locations. The whole network."

"Go to _diyu_ you an' your ruttin' _qingwa cao de liumang_ henchman."

That was when she pushed. Her mind a sharp needle of pain that cut through every barrier erected to keep her and her kind out. He screamed, the sound ripped from his lungs like blood from his veins. It echoed in the small space. Harry looked uncomfortable but stood firm. Inara ignored his pain, his growing distress, her mind searching, seeking, tearing down his walls as he cried and fought and struggled to keep her out. Heard him willing the beat of his heart to stop, his breath to fail, anything to deny her the thing she wanted most. She almost gasped. So close to the answers she could almost wrap her hands around them, her mind exulting even as she became more ruthless in her eagerness to grab the prize. It was at that moment that River struck. The Companion so lost in her distraction that River spotted the chink in her armor. Her mind a piercing shard that attacked with such force that Inara's hold on the Captain shattered, her mind in turmoil and sudden panic. She wavered, staggering from her captive to hold her head in hands that shook with the pain of it. Screaming as River drove her to her knees, Harry frantic to aid her but not knowing how.

Unable to think of anything else he stumbled for the door. He had to get to Book as quickly as possible. Something had gone wrong and unless they acted now the Companion could die. Screw the Captain. Screw this _lese_ ship of fools. They could not afford to lose one of their own. Not like this. Not ever.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean I look like him?"<p>

Pepper smiled, an amused look on his face as their guest straightened his clothing. The tan pants fitting where they touched. He watched him slide the suspenders up onto his shoulders and met the little frown with a hint of smugness. "You don't remember me but I remember you. Followed you into the Valley. Not your platoon, your unit, but I was there."

He frowned, holding back the pain of it but not wanting to block out the memories. Those memories were the only monument left to the fallen that he could carry with him and he would be damned if he would forget them just so he could sleep nights. Rutting hell. None of them would sleep right until the gorram Alliance was overturned. Not that it would happen in his lifetime but he was not a man for lying down or leaving the difficult decisions to others. Not when injustice was running rampant through the 'verse and walking over the ashes of the honored dead like some sick trophy to the vainglory of war. Would that every _tamade hundan_ could be hung, drawn and quartered for what they done. Wouldn't make it right he knew but he liked the Old Testament. An eye for an eye seemed the only way to repay them as had done this. Even if he didn't owe it to himself he owed it to them as had died for the cause, those who had believed in them and offered succor even though they knew the Alliance toadies would kill them for doing so. Couldn't wipe out honor and loyalty and good men and women by tyranny and fear. Just made folks go underground. Hide their disfavor beneath smiles that didn't even go skin deep.

Nope. A reckoning was coming and he aimed to see it was hand delivered.

* * *

><p>"What was that?"<p>

Zoe's head jerked up in momentary distraction, trying to hear what Jayne had heard. At that moment Simon stirred, Kaylee bending over him with such concern on her face that it almost made the Shepherd smile. Zoe looked at the mercenary. "Best check it out."

The big man nodded and started walking towards the door when Diamond Harry burst in brandishing a rifle. "No one move a gorram muscle, _dong ma_?"

They stared. Jayne's eyes narrowed dangerously. Zoe's voice was quiet, calm, and deadly. Sometimes she and the Captain were so alike in their ways it chilled Wash to the bone but not now. He approved and noted where everyone was. Book stiffened but otherwise stayed put. Kaylee ignored the intrusion, a hand brushing back the damp hair from Simon's face. She had changed her top after he had thrown up over her and apart from a quick wash had not left his side. Weary eyes blinked up at her and tried to focus through the haze. His mind rapidly clearing as he returned to full consciousness. "What happened?"

Her finger on his lips hushed him. Although she did not look up Kaylee knew something bad was happening. Wanted to keep it from Simon but he was top three percent. As disorientated as he felt he knew something was wrong. For the moment he lay there and watched the play of shadows in Kaylee's worried eyes while he tried to grasp what was going on. Diamond Harry was not so patient.

"You, Preacher! Come with me."

Book looked surprised. Was about to argue then realized it must be serious for the man to risk blowing their cover. Instead he nodded and moved slowly and calmly towards him. "No need for the gun."

"I'll be the judge of that now hurry. Don't know what went wrong but it don't look good."

Simon wanted to sit up. Kaylee wanted to keep him lying down. He glimpsed something odd on the Shepherd's face as he moved away. He sat up slowly, Kaylee watching him anxiously. "I'm alright, Kaylee." He murmured quietly, not wanting to draw the gunman's attention. His mind was clearing faster than fog in a hurricane. Zoe noted he seemed more like himself. Hopefully he had evacuated most of the drug when he was sick. She just hoped he wasn't about to do anything stupid.

"Best hurry."

* * *

><p>Blue eyes narrowed. Pepper watched the man's unconscious grace as he got to his feet. He looked a different man now that he was dressed and armed. It looked right. Another piece slotting into place, right where it belonged. "What's happenin'?"<p>

"Had a man come in the saloon after Serenity's crew left, _shifu_." He noticed the slight raised brow at the term of address. The ghost of a smile making a brief welcome to solemn lips. Pepper continued to explain. "Made out he was one of us."

"I'm takin' it you didn't believe him?"

"He had a ring."

Surprise flared in those eagle sharp eyes. "_Wode ma_, where'd he get the ring?"

Pepper shook his head. "Don't rightly know _shifu_, but don't reckon it was fair means. I had a man track him."

He nodded. "Where'd he go?"

For a moment Pepper was silent, his eyes solemn. "Serenity."

Alarm flashed on his _lingdao's_ face. "We gotta go now, _mashang_! How many guns you got?"

Pepper's eyes hardened into battle lines. "How many you want?"

Something implacable stirred in those dark blue depths. Both men walking quickly out of the back room to join the others. All business now. "Enough to put Reavers to shame."

* * *

><p>Zoe exchanged a look with Jayne and they went to follow the Shepherd. Wash's hand lightly touched Zoe's shoulder to get her attention. Their eyes fastened on each other. He gave the slightest shake of his head and whispered. "Don't do it, <em>bao bei<em>."

Her eyes flashed, hard and bright as diamonds. "We have to get the Captain, Wash."

He nodded. "I know, but not that way."

She was frowning, frustrated and impatient and all on the edge of confusion. "_Weishenme_?"

"Book."

They just stared at him. Kaylee and Simon could not hear what was being said. Simon used Kaylee to help him stand up then they joined the others. Zoe gave them a quick glance, the look in her eyes more assessing whether the doctor was capable of walking unaided than imparting information. He looked steady enough for her not to ask. Jayne was scowling darkly at Wash. "What about him?"

"I don't like it; it's as if he knows that man."

"The gunman?"

Wash nodded. "_Qu_. And doesn't it seem funny how Book and Inara seem to be on the same wavelength?"

Zoe's last bit of patience evaporated. "You got somethin' to say _zhangfu_ say it now 'cause I'm all for goin' in guns blazin' if needs be to get the Captain out of there."

It was Simon who picked up on what the others had missed. "The man said it didn't look good, that something had gone wrong. Why would you think the Captain's in danger?"

The pilot stared at him. "The gun? Remember the gun? The one with rifle sights aimed at us?"

"I saw the gun Wash, that wasn't what I meant. It's just if something has gone wrong that doesn't mean it's a bad thing for the Captain."

"Well I ain't waitin' no more," Growled Jayne. Before anyone could stop him the big man was out of the doorway and hurrying off towards Inara's shuttle, Vera unsheathed and cradled in his hands. Zoe ran after him. Wash was about to follow but Simon stopped him.

"I think you'd better get the ship ready in case we need to get out of here in a hurry, Wash."

Kaylee looked frightened. "What do you think's gonna happen?"

"I don't know but Wash is right. Whatever is going on Inara and Book seem to be in it together."

She frowned. "'Nara wouldn't do nothin' like that Simon, you know that."

He knew she was upset. That Inara was her friend. In fact, he thought of both the Companion and Preacher as part of their little family aboard Serenity but something was twisting him up inside and warnings were flashing in his head he could not ignore. Images of what he had seen when River tried to warn him. Images that had not made any sense at the time. As the gunman had said, something had gone wrong. It was significant to him that the gunman had wanted the Preacher to come with him and sort it out as if they were on the same side of whatever trouble was brewing. And the Preacher, though startled, had gone willingly. As calm as you please. Just what game the man was playing he had no idea but he didn't like it. Maybe Kaylee was right and Inara was not involved, but he did not want to bet anyone's life on it, even the Captain's.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_pofu_ = bitch, _zhangfu_ = husband, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _lese_ = crap,

_pengyou_ = friend, _dong ma_ = understand?, _ai ren_ = sweetheart, _diyu_ = hell,

_qingwa cao de liumang_ = frog humping sumbitch, _shifu_ = sir, _wode ma_= mother of God,

_mashang _= on the double/quickly/right away/immediately, _lingdao_ = leader,

_qu _= yes (lit. go), _weishenme _= why?


	11. Reborn

I just want to apologize for not updating sooner with this story; it has been hard to find the time. Besides that, I hope you all have enjoyeed the chapters that have been posted so far.

For anyone who's not familiar with this story, let me just say that this chapter is a _mindfuck._

**Spoiler: **_"Wo bu dong, if'n you're Malcolm Reynolds," said a stunned Jayne Cobb. "Who the ruttin' diyu we been callin' Cap'n?"_

* * *

><p>"REBORN"<p>

* * *

><p>It was odd how the words bouncing around inside his head seemed to ricochet off the walls of his heart. Each one leaving the imprint of everything he had lost behind it. Closing his eyes had only clarified his pain like an audial lens bringing into sharp focus the sound of her haunting words, so bright it was killing him. Yet he stretched his heart, mind and soul to listen. To absorb every rutting nuance. Drank in the pain like a bitter but addictive wine because as sick as it was it cleared his thoughts enough to return to her. It was all he had left to shore up the agony of a mind on the brink of shattering. It would be the last thing he clung to as he lay dying. Only death was a fickle mistress and she hadn't near finished with him as he supposed.<p>

Voices warped around his befogged senses. Time was something that had neither rhyme nor reason. Something touched him in his cotton wool world, all sensation both closer to him and further removed than any reality he could imagine. The muffled rise and fall was like an ocean tide, the wax and wane of it tugging at his ears even as his senses were teased with illusive hints of recognition.

"Hush, he's comin' round."

A tiny hand brushed gently down the side of his cheek. Not sure if it was a cool breeze or death sighing as it took him into the depths of _diyu_. His three spirts and seven souls loosed from their earthly bonds and taken beyond the wheel of karma to someplace dark enough and deep enough to be beyond any kind of redemption. Yet thoughts still assailed him. How was that possible? Was he trapped in a madness that went beyond life and death, an eternal wasteland that existed in some nether region like a gorram purgatory from which there was no escape? He wondered whether he had finally made it to one of the Preacher's Special Hells and if so, which one. Idle curiosity was not enough to keep him pegged to such thoughts. Again he drifted, the tide going out and taking him with it.

* * *

><p>Zoe was worried. The Captain looked terrible. Face so white and still he looked corpsified. She was grateful that Wash was too stunned and upset to say anything though it was not what grieved him the most. Discovering that Inara had betrayed them - or rather the Captain - had been a huge blow. Learning that Book was somehow mixed up in it as well intensified the shock. It went beyond painful. These people he had come to know. To have affection for. To <strong>trust<strong>. How the Captain felt when he found out the truth he did not know but imagined the wound went deep. Now they had Inara unconscious but tied to a chair and the Shepherd knocked out on the floor with Jayne watching over him like he had stepped in something evil and foul smelling. River had appeared just after Inara collapsed and it had been her idea to tie the Companion up. Not one of them thought to question her or ask for any explanation. Trusting her to know what was best. After their near fatal run in with the bounty hunter Jubal Early some months ago a number of things had changed including the way they saw River. She was still a child in their eyes but a far more complex and deadly one than they could have formerly imagined. In her wake Simon fluttered like a nervous butterfly not sure where to rest, Kaylee at his side and torn between concern for the doctor and panic over the Captain.

Jayne was all for torturing Diamond Harry but the man seemed oblivious to everyone except the Companion. His eyes regarded her in solemn sorrow, downcast and ashamed because he had failed her. It reminded Jayne of those stories from Earth-that-was of a man falling on his sword rather than lose his honor. Honor. He wanted to snort with derision but did not want to disturb the Captain. Nor did he want to share his thoughts with the others. Didn't want nobody thinking he was going soft.

A low moan of pain drew every eye back to where the Captain lay. River sat as close to him as she could, one hand gently brushing back the damp fringe plastered to his forehead. He was drenched in sweat and shivering slightly despite his overwarm skin. Yet still he was but a pale moon, hardly no color at all in his face. River frowned and when he moaned a second time murmured soft words of love to wrap his benighted soul and gently guide him back to consciousness. He blinked slowly, disorientated and feeling vaguely sick. River smiled at him, kissed his cheek and met his eyes as they slowly focused upon her beloved face. He could not manage a smile back, his whole face numb, his tongue too thick to move around inside his dry mouth. Thoughts were slow cumbersome things and all kinds of confusing. Nothing nimble enough to make a lick of gorram sense. River knew. Understood. Heard, tasted and felt every thought and emotion he had.

"It's alright, _ai ren_. Safe now."

He blinked sluggishly. Confusion fighting a losing battle on his face. Zoe hovered into his field of vision momentarily eclipsing River. "Inara and Book were spies, Captain."

He blinked again, eyes unfocused but trying to hang on with his ears while the rest of his senses flexed and warped around him. River's grip on his hand tightened slightly, her mind lapping his in gentle waves that hushed his distress and drove back the walls of panic threatening to crush him. Slowly his vision cleared, pain abating to a dull spike in his back brain and a sharp fire behind his senses as if something in his head had short circuited and he had to be careful of touching the live wires. "What happened?"

"You were betrayed. We _all_ were."

It took a few moments for that to sink in then his eyes widened slightly, the pupils darkening with memory. Heart aching to have his deepest fears made manifest in the most unpleasant of fashions. Then he stared hard at River. Willing the numbness to quit his mouth though he knew whatever he said would sound clumsy. "Thought I'd lost you, _bao bei_."

She smiled. Such a beautiful thing it captured his heart anew. "Can't lose me, _ai ren_."

He tried to swallow but he was so gorram dry. Simon noticed and helped him sit so he could take a sip of water. He noticed Inara tied to the chair and his eyes widened just as he felt a slide of humor in his mind. Knew then what had happened. He smirked slightly and took time to look at each of his crew. Nearest gorram thing he had left to family. It was Jayne who broke the reflectiveness of the moment.

"What we gonna do with 'em? Can't let 'em go, they'll lead the Alliance right to us."

The Captain looked at Jayne, no expression now on his face. "What you wanna do with 'em?"

"Well," Now that it came to deciding he was not so sure. All he knew was that they posed a threat but they had also been friends. For a while at least. "Should space 'em."

"Yep, could do that. What happens when the Guild want to know where Inara is? Or Book's people come a'lookin'?"

The mercenary's face clouded over, dark and angry as if he was being pushed against a wall and he didn't like it. "Gorrammit Mal, they tried to **kill** ya! Could'a been any one of us they came after next."

"They were after River."

Jayne blinked at the Captain's solemn words. Momentarily diverted as the Captain had intended. Zoe said nothing but had not taken her eyes off the Captain. A look on her face that Wash could not fathom. Kaylee exchanged a worried glance with Simon but he didn't have a clue what was going on. He wanted to examine the Captain but it seemed this was a conversation that would have to run its' course before he could empty the infirmary and find out what in the nine hells their former friends had been trying to do to him. It was no consolation to him that River seemed to know. In fact, that knowledge worried him more than he could say.

"If they were after River, why they come after you?"

The Captain stared at the mercenary for a moment then turned his head to ask Diamond Harry some questions. All fired up with the need for answers. A sense of urgency creeping into his bones. He frowned and cast an anxious eye around the infirmary. "Where the _diyu_ did that _tamade hundan_ go?"

Jayne twisted round, "_Shie_?"

Zoe immediately realized who he meant. "_Meimiao de_!" She muttered, drawing her firearm from its holster in the same breath. She had been so intent on the Captain that she had taken her eyes off their prisoner. "Jayne, you're with me. We gotta find that ruttin' _liumang_ before he makes it off the ship."

Just then there was an unmistakable shuddering clang as someone opened the cargo bay door. The Captain tried to get off the bed but River put a hand on his shoulder and Simon helped hold him fast. Furious and frustrated he was too weak to resist them, the small spark of mutiny fizzling out as his strength deserted him. He closed his eyes with a soft moan and let them guide him back until he was lying down, unaware of Simon fussing over him and the worried look in his eyes. Simon did not like the look of the Captain, knew something was going on inside and wished he knew what it was. What had been done to him. Hoped it would be something as simple as a physical injury that he could locate and heal. But instinct told him differently and he wanted to question his sister about it only he couldn't do that with the others present.

By the time the Captain was able to open his eyes again and struggle passed the pain in his head enough to think clearly, Jayne and Zoe had gone. Kaylee looked frightened, Wash concerned, but River - River stole every breath from his body with her beauty. Not just what could be seen with the eyes neither. Such pure undiluted love shone from her face that it lit him up inside and filled him with emotion.

* * *

><p>Harry was nothing if not opportunistic. As interesting as the Captain's story might be he could not afford to hang around and miss the narrow window of opportunity. Without looking back he eased his way out of the infirmary, small cautious movements so that if anyone looked round at him he would draw no attention. His hands were tied in front of him but other than that he was unharmed. The big guy, the mercenary, had already disarmed him but that was a minor point. Once he had his freedom he would get everything else back - with interest - and then he could go and get help and teach these <em>lese wangba dans<em> that it didn't pay to mess with agents of the Alliance. He would take particular delight in snuffing out the Captain's life if only to show the others what would be in store for them.

It was childishly simple once he slipped out of the infirmary to get to the cargo hold and locate the release button. He resisted the urge to laugh, paused slightly at the temptation to look for a weapon before making his escape then decided against any kind of delay. Never knew when those _tamade hundans_ would realize he had given them the slip. Time enough to rearm later. He punched the button and as the ramp lowered and the bright light rushed in momentarily blinding him, he ran down the ramp. To freedom.

Outside the ship, Pepper Rawlings was half walking, half running just to keep up with the Browncoat. He watched the long sure strides of the man eating up the distance. Back ramrod straight, eyes looking straight ahead but aware of everything on the periphery. Tall, lean and deadly. Pepper smiled grimly. Lenny matching his pace on the right, Wally Dunn cradling a machine gun on his left. Porter Knowles, Slim Redding, Turner Watts, Charlie Watson and Gary Wright bringing up the rear. All armed to the teeth and with a resolve that had been years in the waiting. They were Valley men every last one. The commitment burning in their veins was a fire that would never be vanquished.

So it was that before Zoe and Jayne reached the top of the ramp, Diamond Harry ran straight into his worst nightmare made flesh. The man's draw was smooth and flawless. So quick if you blinked you missed it. It took Diamond Harry seconds to realize death was staring him in the face and death wasn't happy to see him. He started to babble nonsense, a slick slide of sweat carrying the cold ice of fear down his back. A knot pooled in his gut. Sweating profusely he tried to back up only to feel the unmistakable barrel of another gun against the back of his neck. "Now where d'ya think you're goin'?" Growled the man they called Jayne.

Harry froze. Sure he was gonna have a gorram heart attack. The look on the face in front of him turning all his blood to ice. Gorrammit, this was a rutting nightmare. Had to be.

"An' who might you be?" Said the man in the brown coat. Dark blue eyes cut narrow as the gun was moved slowly to rest over the fractious uneven beat of his heart.

"I ...uh... I ain't nobody."

The man smirked. His humor as deadly as his aim would be. "Nobody huh? Then nobody won't feel this bullet I'm carryin' with your gorram name on it."

Just then a familiar voice cut through the air as Zoe stepped round Jayne to face the newcomers. Her eyes glittered with emotions held firmly in check. "Might wanna hold fire. Can't ask questions of a dead man."

For what seemed like hours but was only seconds the blue eyes shifted and locked with hers. Years came and went, battles fought, a few won, many more lost. Tears and blood, laughter and sorrow, a wealth of moments shared and lost. Emotions raw and hidden suddenly surfaced to bind them anew. The bright light and flare of recognition was a flame that came, solidified with burning heat then died down some place deep where it could be cherished anew. The man smiled and as the smile grew Jayne caught his gorram breath and almost dropped his rutting gun.

* * *

><p>Kaylee could not hide her worry. Face wet with tears though she had stopped crying. Just not given it any mind so never wiped her face dry. She stared down at the Captain feeling all kinds of lost and worried. Her eyes shifted over to where Inara was tied to the chair then down to where Book lay. Both were still unconscious. Kaylee could feel the tears brimming in her eyes again. Wash kept an eye on the Preacher though he wasn't happy pointing a gun at a former friend it seemed the thing to do. At least until they had some answers. Simon looked at River, wished he could talk to her in private but he needed to know what he was up against. "What did they do to him, <em>mei mei<em>?"

She angled her pale face so that the artificial lighting glanced off the plains of her face and softened where it touched the Captain. A hand drifted down to touch his face, her look gentle before she lifted her eyes to meet Simon's. "She tried to strip his brain."

Shocked, it took Simon a moment to continue talking. "Why would anyone want to do that?"

Before River could answer another voice spoke. One oddly familiar. "To find the information he was carryin' on'y my guess is she came up empty."

All eyes turned towards the voice. Stunned faces stared, mouths agape, words beyond them as they struggled to make sense of what they were looking at. River did not look surprised. A slow gentle smile bowed her lips, joy in her eyes as if reflecting the soul's welcome. It puzzled Simon but as he continued to gaze into those dark blue eyes possibilities were teasing their way into his consciousness until only one occupied the middle ground to make sense of what they were seeing. Improbable perhaps but what other explanation could there be? He heard the Captain stirring and put a hand on the man's shoulder. He had not opened his eyes. Simon took the opportunity to check his pulse before everything went to ratshit.

Wash looked at Zoe, almost as shocked at the happiness radiating from her normally solemn aspect as he was at the person standing so quietly confident before them. "Who are you?"

It was Zoe who spoke, the swift look she glanced off the stranger's eyes seeking permission to do just that. Permission which she knew in her heart had already been granted. No one knew this man better than her and the Captain. A secret they had kept since the end of the war. "I think it's time you all finally met. **This** is Malcolm Reynolds."

You could have heard a gorram pin drop. Simon was only able to move because the Captain was now stirring beneath his hand. Distracted, he helped him sit up. All eyes kept darting from one to the other. Silently comparing the two men. Jayne was frowning so fiercely that Wash wanted to laugh. Not sure if he wanted to cry as well. "_Wo bu dong_, if'n you're Malcolm Reynolds," said a stunned Jayne Cobb. "Who the ruttin' _diyu_ we been callin' Cap'n?"

If anything, Malcolm Reynolds' smile got wider still. The Captain was staring at him like a man starved of water, so much emotion rising in him that he could not speak. His crew would have sympathized with him. "This," Said Malcolm Reynolds with undisguised pride and affection, his long legs closing the distance with no effort at all. "Is my brother Davy."

They blinked. Jayne shook his head. "_Goushi_, Davy died."

The Captain gave his mercenary a sympathetic look then met each gaze from his crew evenly to be sure they understood how serious he was being. That this was meant. A truth deeply hidden now revealed. A secret shared that had cost so much in the keeping. Ripping and tearing hearts and souls to shreds for a vain hope, an appointment with destiny, a dream that would not die. "Had to die to be reborn."

Wash put his gun away before he dropped it. "I don't have the vaguest idea what the gorram you're talkin' about, Captain. Um, you _are_ still our Captain, _dui_?"

He got a grin back. Brief and sliding into a quick smirk but enough to reassure him. "Yeah, Wash, I'm still you're Captain."

Jayne was slowly putting two and two together and it didn't add up. "What about that thing with your uncle?"

The man now calling himself Malcolm Reynolds stiffened, his look sharpening. Pain flickering in his eyes for a brief moment before he could seal the door shut. "Uncle Frank?" He looked at the Captain. "When was this, _xiongdi_?"

"Not sure of the timing, Mal. Six, seven months ago most like."

"Huh."

The brief silence was thoughtful, heavy and full of questions. No one wanted to interrupt the brothers in their explanation. Every ear stretched to carry the slightest ghost of a word from those lips. No one able to deny the striking resemblance between the two of them. Malcolm was an inch or so taller, same lean build and flyaway brown hair. Older and more care worn but with the same mannerisms and idiomatic speech pattern that used to drive Inara so crazy. The dark blue eyes were sharp with a keen intellect. Just like the Captain, he missed very little. He could also be just as forthcoming. It was Kaylee who got impatient first.

"What happened? Ain't ya gonna tell us?"

Malcolm laughed, the Captain smiled. River's hand in his. Simon puzzled on all the inconsistencies, but willing to hold his tongue for now. Pepper and his men made themselves comfortable as if sensing this could take a while and took over watching the prisoners. Diamond Harry gave up all hope of escape. Shoulders slumping he sat at the foot of Inara's chair and hoped they were not about to be killed. If his silence could increase their odds of getting out of this mess alive he would give it to them in spades.

Surprisingly it was Zoe who told the story; the brothers silent by mutual consent. Wash put an arm around Zoe's waist and waited patiently. She took a deep breath, eyes shining suspiciously bright. "After my mother died pa decided we should settle down. I was born on a ship, we lived in the Black. The whole 'verse was our home. Pa never did love anythin' more'n he loved those stars 'ceptin' for my mama. Don't rightly know how he decided on Shadow, was probably as random as stickin' a pin in a map of the sky." She shrugged as if that was no big deal. "So we landed, pa sold the ship, had enough to buy a small ranch. Few head of cattle. We worked hard and for a few years it was a good life but pa never got over mama and one day his heart just gave out." She paused. "Found him out by the barn. The Reynolds' ranch was the next one on from ours. Mal used to ride over to check we didn't need nothin'. Came by regular as clockwork. When I told him about pa he just went out and found a good patch of ground on a hill, took him over there and buried him 'neath the wide open sky." She blinked but refused to let a single tear fall. "Said it was so's he could still watch the stars. Without a word he helped me pick up a few things then took me over to his place. Been there ever since."

"Could say we adopted you, _mei mei_."

She grinned at Malcolm Reynolds. The Captain was smiling softly but his eyes were sad. Zoe continued. "From then on I was one of the Reynolds' clan, we did everythin' together. It was warm, it was safe, it was family. It was home." The simple words affected Wash, he gave his wife a gentle squeeze but remained silent. Sensing there was more to come. "When the first rumblings of war came, John Reynolds went off to fight, Uncle Frank went with him. No one expected a blood bath. _Shushu_ eventually came home but John had died, sniper fire. Mal and Davy so fired up they wanted to saddle up and leave right there an' then only mama begged 'em. Made them promise to wait a while, see what was happenin'. No sense throwin' lives away in the grief of battle. So they waited. The news got worse. Other Independent worlds were fallin' daily to Alliance rule. Some by fair means some by foul. On every world the people lost their homes, their wealth, sometimes their gorram lives. No one could stop Mal going. Half the hands went with him. Davy wanted to go too but he was five years younger and mama wouldn't agree so I went with Mal."

Her voice tailed off. No one spoke. After a couple of seconds to calm herself down she continued, her voice flat with the need to suppress strong emotions.

"It was the worst kind a slaughter I ever saw. We fought for every inch, Independent blood christened every bit of ground but the Alliance had more men, more weapons, more of everything and in the end we not only ran out of supplies and manpower we ran out of time. From Hera, to Senacel, to Camden, to Devil's Dyke. We fought on and on until the last line was drawn in the gorram sand. Every man still able to walk, to hold a gun, to crawl, made their way to Serenity Valley. It was our last hurrah, the place we dug in and decided to make our last stand. Ended up the biggest gorram graveyard in the 'verse. Air support was comin'. We hung on. Mal stirred up our men to stand firm, to not give an inch less it was soaked with Alliance blood. But the reinforcements never came. Only more _tamade hundans_ pouring mechanized death and destruction down on top of us and most of us with only a shell or two left in our gorram rifles. We drew our knives ready for the end when the order came to surrender. My throat still closes up with the memory of it."

The silence fell so thick it almost squashed all sound. Simon was curious. "I understand that you and Mal went off to fight in the Battle of Serenity, but how does that explain...?"

"Me?" Said the Captain softly. "_Shushu_ was right, Simon. I did go off an' try to find my brother. Wanted to fight alongside him, add what weight I could to the Independent cause. Mama begged me not to go but I was a man by then. Not nobody was gonna stop me doin' what was right." He paused, his eyes fastening on his brother's. "When I got there the Battle was almost over. I couldn't find Mal or Zoe though I looked. Spent days in the lookin', bullets whistlin' round my ears, folks dyin' left, right an' center. Damn purplebellies shootin' every gorram thing that moved even when it was their own. Stupid ruttin' sumbitches. It was weeks later, I found out Mal an' Zoe had been taken to an Alliance prison camp. Got some of the boys together an' went after them. Took me best part of a year but I found 'em. Mal more dead than alive. They'd tortured him nine ways from _diyu_. I knew somethin' big was brewin' but not what it was. When Mal told me I thought all the breath in my body had been stole right outta me. Never heard of anythin' more darin'. Some would say _ben_. Stupid." The Captain grinned briefly and oddly enough it relaxed his crew some. "Mal had this crazy plan. We would pretend he'd died, seein's as he was the one they wanted. I would disappear for a while, take Zoe with me. Then after it had quietened down a spell I would start up, find some business venture or somesuch an' begin again. I had to make sure it was high profile enough to catch the Alliance's attention without givin' away what the gorram we were up to. Wracked my brains for weeks until I hit upon the idea of a ship. Some place that would give us independence an' the freedom to come an' go as we pleased. Even had a name all picked out for her."

Kaylee smiled for the first time since their story had started. "Serenity."

The Captain grinned. Zoe gave him a hard smile. "And to make sure the Alliance _hundans_ didn't forget about Malcolm Reynolds..." She prompted.

"Every year I gave 'em a reminder." Said the Captain with a smug smirk on his face.

Jayne was shaking his head, half amused and half horrified. "Unification Day?"

"Got their attention, didn't it?"

"Also gave me plenty to do afterwards." Said Simon, recalling all the times he had been called upon to stitch the Captain up. It was all beginning to make a horrible kind of sense.

"Yeah, sorry about that doc but sometimes it **was** hi-larious fun." Wash put a hand up. "Um, question?"

All eyes fastened on his. Wash wasn't sure which Reynolds to ask so he went with tradition and spoke to the Captain. "Not understanding why you had to pretend to be your older brother. Why couldn't you just be Davy Reynolds?"

"Because Malcolm was the one they wanted but he was too badly injured. It would take months to get him back on his feet. My job was to give him that recovery time. While they were busy watchin' me Mal could recover then be free to come an' go as he pleased - get things ready without no gorram interference."

Simon was as confused as the rest of them. "Get what ready?"

"The Rebellion."

His crew stared at him as if the Captain had taken leave of his senses. Jayne spluttered in shock. "Are you completely out of your gorram mind, Cap? People call me _baichi_ but I ain't never done nothin' that stupid in my whole gorram life!"

"Not a decision we took lightly, Jayne." Said the Captain softly.

Jayne glared at Malcolm Reynolds, annoyed with him for dragging his little brother into so much _goushi_ a man could drown in it. He couldn't help but feel a fierce loyalty towards the Captain. "You wanna risk your own fool life that's your business but what right ya got to drag the Cap into danger?"

Mal was about to answer him when he noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Turning to the Captain he gave his brother a little smile, softening features carved in granite. "I see you got your ring."

"I don't gotta ring."

Mal wanted to laugh, to hug him. Hold him close where he would never face harm again. Especially not on his account. He looked down at where the Captain's hand rested on the counterpane of the bed, a slither of amusement tainting his voice. "Might want to think again, Davy."

The Captain looked down and swore. Gorrammit, he had forgotten Inara putting that _lese_ ring on his finger. He tried to pull it off. "Ain't mine, Mal."

"Is now." Said his older brother, the amusement mounting as he watched the Captain try in vain to pull the ring off his finger.

"That's what Inara said."

Malcolm Reynolds stopped laughing. His eyes flicked to the figure tied in the chair. Even unconscious it seemed the woman was capable of wielding her influence. "You sayin' the Companion gave you that ring?"

The Captain nodded, not sure why his brother had gone so tense. "Yeah. They were questionin' me then she put the gorram ring on my finger."

"_Wode ma_, Davy. This is _bu hao_."

"_Weishenme_?"

Malcolm Reynolds could not answer. River looked into the worried depths of his eyes and saw clear through to his soul. Not surprised when his soul stared back at her. Perfect understanding balanced between them. So perfect in fact that it was breaking her gorram heart.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_Diyu_ = hell, _ai ren_ = sweetheart, _bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _shie _= who?,

_tamade hundan_ = fucking bastards, _meimiao de_ = great, _lese_ = crap/crappy,

_liumang_ = bastard/asshole/criminal/gangster, _wangba dan_ = bastard,

_mei mei_ = little sister, _wu bu dong_ = I don't understand, _goushi_ = crap/dog shit,

_d ui_ = correct, _ben_ = stupid, _xiongdi_ = brother,_shushu_ = uncle, _wode ma _= mother of God,

_bu hao_ = not good, _weishenme_ = why?, _baichi_ = idiot


	12. Enigma

The last chapter totally shocked you, right? So after that nice little plot twist, you must be wondering who the real Malcolm Reynolds is, right? I'll give you a hint: River knows- that's why she wasn't shocked by the appearance of this second Malcolm.

But you guys already knew that, didn't you?

By the way, I just love the sweetness at the end of this chapter... ;)

* * *

><p>"ENIGMA"<p>

* * *

><p>"What happens now?"<p>

Predictably it was Jayne who said what everyone was thinking but reluctant to ask. The Captain sucked in a slow breath and looked at his brother. They were in the commons area, Pepper Rawlings and his men interspersed among the crew of Serenity as if they were old friends reunited. Funny how it could work out that way. It was an easy meshing of personalities that often came from people with shared experiences, cultures or passions. Simon suspected it was a mix of all three. The Captain was not sitting down but stood with one hand resting on the back of his chair. River stood next to him. Not touching but so close it was almost academic. Her eyes were scanning slowly, taking in every face and looking behind the varied masks that watched and waited with expectation and not a little trepidation. This was, after all, a first step into a wider 'verse. One that was all kinds of dangerous. Not that the Black wasn't a dangerous place anyway but in the past they had always tried to steer clear of trouble. With the coming of Malcolm Reynolds all that had changed.

Malcolm was seated next to the Captain's chair, Zoe next to him and Wash next to Zoe. Simon sat opposite with Porter Knowles and Slim Redding, then it was Jayne, Lenny and Pepper. Turner Watts and Charlie Watson were watching over the three prisoners and Gary Wright lounged by the door, coffee mug in hand. Eyes bright and dark reminding Kaylee of a coiled snake waiting to strike. Didn't ease her thoughts any that he was on their side. Kaylee couldn't sit still, too on edge to settle. She stood, paced a few then stuck her hands in the back pockets of her coveralls and waited while her eyes did the pacing for her. The Captain reached out and drew her close. Automatically she tucked herself against him for a one armed hug, relieved and comforted just by his presence. He kissed the top of her head, his quiet words a murmur of reassurance. "It'll be okay, little Kaylee."

She nodded, relaxed against him. Bit back tears, then tilted her face towards his. "But Inara... You can't, she can't be..." Kaylee stumbled on the words and couldn't go on, tears flooding her eyes.

The hug tightened and the Captain took a deeper breath. "Kaylee, we have to find out what Inara knows. Book too. You know that, _dui_?"

His soft words broke her heart further. The Captain was sharp, knew her so well, knew it was tearing her up into tiny pieces. She nodded because she couldn't speak. Inara was her friend and Kaylee Frye did not desert her friends. Not ever. She still couldn't believe Inara had betrayed them or rather, betrayed the Captain. In a way it was the same thing. Whoever hurt the Captain hurt them. Just thinking on that hardened her heart but then she thought about Inara and melted all over again. Memories tumbling in a cascade of emotion behind eyes suddenly too bright to see. Of all his regrets - and Davy Reynolds had plenty - hurting Kaylee was the one he regretted most.

It was Simon's quiet voice that brought him back on track. "We can't just sit here. You must have plans."

The Captain looked at his brother. River watched the exchange but remained silent. Seeing more than the rest of them put together. All the boxes opening up but if she was careful the contents wouldn't get mixed up. Had to keep them compartmentalized in her mind even as she sifted and sorted and got closer and closer to the enigma trapped inside. Malcolm Reynolds looked at Simon. "You're right, doctor. We do have plans but it don't need to interfere with Davy an' this boat." That surprised almost everybody. He gave Gary a nod and the man immediately left. Jayne frowned.

"Where's he goin'?"

"To fetch Diamond Harry. It's time we started to get some answers."

"So," Jayne said slowly, mulling over the words before speaking them. "Once ya know what he knows we hit 'em, that it?"

Malcolm Reynolds shook his head. "You're not goin' anywhere, Jayne." He glanced around the table. "None of this crew is."

Jayne opened and closed his mouth. He looked surprised and confused. Wash looked at Zoe but she had not taken her eyes off Malcolm Reynolds. It gave him a hollow empty feeling to see such single minded concentration on her face and not have a gorram clue what in _diyu_ it meant.

"I want you to carry on doin' exactly what you've been doin'."

"Why?"

Malcolm's head turned, eyes fastening on the doctor's face. "Because while the Alliance is still following the colorful exploits of your good Captain, no one will be looking for me."

The Captain said nothing. Wash waited for Zoe to speak up but she didn't. What was it they were not being told? And why wasn't the Captain filling in all the blanks for them? He didn't like it. The taste it left in his mouth was not a pleasant one.

"Now I know you got questions," Said Malcolm. "Some I'll answer, some I can't..."

"More like won't." Murmured Jayne darkly just loud enough that Malcolm Reynolds heard him.

"You're just gonna have to trust me."

"What about the Cap?" Jayne didn't add _what about US_? but it hung in the air between them anyway. Somehow more powerful for being unspoken.

"Jayne..." The Captain's quiet voice stilled the flood of questions the big man wanted answered. Something in his tone making the big man's heart ache.

Just then Gary Wright reappeared pushing and shoving a reluctant and sour Diamond Harry into the room before him. Malcolm Reynolds straightened. They all turned to look at the man. The Captain walked round the table and dragged an empty chair over to Harry. "Best sit. We got us some questions need answerin'."

Harry swallowed hard and stared at him as if expecting to have his throat slit before he could take the chair. The Captain's mild voice prompted the sweat to run down the middle of his back.

"Best not mistake that for a suggestion."

* * *

><p>He woke first. Had been conscious now for at least ten minutes but it was easy to pretend he wasn't. He was lying face down on the hard cold floor, hands bound behind his back but feet untied. He lay on his stomach, head turned to one side. From this angle he could see the chair to which Inara was tied, but did not dare raise his head to see if she was alright. Judging by the silence she must be still unconscious. Their guardians were quiet, rarely spoke. That told him more than anything that they had done such duties before. They would be alert and professional. He must not underestimate them. For a moment he concentrated on his breathing, willing himself to get beyond the pain in his head. Knew there would be a lump on the back of his head where he had been struck down but as his nimble mind explored all possibilities that seemed to be the full extent of his injuries. So. Not dead yet. The Captain was weakening.<p>

Inara Serra came to slowly, her mind sluggish and fragmented. It was a painful awakening but not so much in the physical sense. Alarm shot through her as she realized what must have happened. It took all her training to hold the panic at bay. Now she could feel her arms aching, her body still and complaining in the restraints that bound her firmly to the chair. Where was she? Ah. The shuttle. Inara almost smiled until she realized it wasn't her shuttle. No. This was the spare. Less amenities but it had possibilities. Despite her diminished mental acuity she was instantly aware of the Shepherd lying on the cold metal deck. Knew he was awake. Knew also that two men were guarding them, both heavily armed. Not that it would help either one of them if she chose to make her move. The question was if not when.

Charlie Watson was a big bluff man with a shock of curly sandy colored hair, large deep blue eyes and a ruddy complexion. He had hands like meat plates and despite his build there was not an ounce of fat on him. His eyes were bright and solemn. In an instant she knew he had looked upon the face of _diyu_ and knew every demon that inhabited it by name. The thought made her shudder. The blue eyes clouding over with something she could not name but had seen before. Too many times for comfort. An emptiness momentarily reaching out to her and turning her soul into a wasteland gripped in permafrost. She would have shrank back from him if she could. The other man, Turner Watson, was grim faced but his eyes were more sorrowful, compassionate. The kind of man who would still kill you if he had to but would take no pleasure in the killing. The kind of man who would pause to bury you and maybe even say a prayer before passing on. She could imagine him with a family waiting for him. A vast brood of children and a happy loving wife. What need drove him to leave them for a forlorn hope such as this she could not say. Wasn't losing the war once enough? For any of them?

* * *

><p>"I can't tell you nothin'." Yelled Harry.<p>

Though no one had laid a hand on him, his imagination was doing handstands. The Captain stepped back as Malcolm Reynolds walked towards them. Malcolm did not look at his brother, his whole attention on the man sitting in the chair sweating like a man on death row. He hunkered down to eye level and stared at him. "Oh you're gonna tell us any gorram thing we wanna know, Harry."

The man's eyes widened in sudden alarm. The Captain stiffened and took another pace back then realizing what he was doing stood firm. His lips compressed as if this was another battle and he must hold the line. The room was so quiet it made the ears ache. Harry was staring at Malcolm, looking absolutely terrified.

"Now," Said Malcolm almost conversationally. "About the ring. How did my brother get it?"

Harry's eyes were darting everywhere, trying not to make eye contact with any of them. Malcolm leaned forward and gripped Harry's head in his hands, holding him still and making him look right into his eyes. The man was whimpering now. Not caring how pathetic he sounded. Simon hoped he did not die of fright before telling them anything. "I... I..."

He was fighting it, he really was, but Malcolm Reynolds was stronger than he expected. Harry had recognized what he was seeing the instant he had looked into those eyes. Fear multiplying faster than bacteria. He could hardly hear the frantic beat of his heart; mind and body numb and trembling. The intrusion was slow, deep and inexorable. He could not shut him out. Harry cried, tried to wriggle free but the strong hands held him in a vice like grip. No physical pain. There would be no bruising. No shattered bones. No cuts or contusions but he would be broken as surely as if a block of concrete had fallen on his head from a great height. Only one way to survive intact and that was to give in, surrender. The whimper grew louder, tears pricking his eyes as he struggled to hang on. Knowing if he gave this man what he wanted he was dead anyway. No way would the Mother of Sorrows let him live.

"The ring." Said Malcolm softly.

Harry's focus was a distant thing. His mind screaming, his thoughts bright brilliant flares burning to ashes in his head one by one. The mental agony was acute. His will being stripped from him leaving him no resistance to that unrelenting implacable will. "He carried it, told me where to place it."

"Who? Who carried it?"

Though his struggles were weaker he tried to protect the name. Not because of any loyalty to the man but because in the spider's web all strands led back to the lair. And the lair had to be protected at all cost. Malcolm went deeper, aware on the periphery of his consciousness how unsettled his brother was becoming but that could not be helped. Davy was a man now and it was time he knew not only the value of things but the price in human terms. Couldn't afford to get sentimental over no spy. He already knew who it was, who it had to be, but the confirmation was needed. Not for him but for his brother. Davy still had some archaic ideas about chivalry, honor and somesuch. Even the gorram war hadn't taught his little brother that such things were only ciphers and metaphors. Not real in their own right. Peeling away the artifice should teach him that. Strip away the last of his innocence. In war there were always casualties, the walking wounded were often the worse. People looked at them and called them Heroes. Survivors. The lucky ones. Malcolm knew better. They were the sacrificial lambs, the altar strapped to their backs and waiting only the flame that would ignite all they held dear as their flesh bubbled and burned and covered the stone with the offerings of their faith. Dead men walking every one. Only he knew the truth of it and he aimed to see that they exacted a most fitting revenge.

* * *

><p>It was later. Darkness seemed to haunt the ship like the evil twin of night and none of them felt much like sleeping. Harry had given up Tyrone's name then passed out. Wash had been all kinds of upset though not sure why. Man was a gorram spy yet there was something cold and cruel about the way Malcolm got what he wanted that chilled him to the bone. The Captain could be cold, could be cruel too, but there was a balance to it, boundaries that stopped him taking it too far. A sense of the rightness of things that gave honor to his actions even when the why of it needing some explaining. He did not see that in Malcolm. A different kind of control ran through that man, one honed to razor sharpness and pretty much divorced from normal feeling.<p>

When Malcolm had first come aboard Wash had been eaten up with curiosity about him. Wanted to know what had happened to him, how long he had been held in captivity, what they had done to him and so on. Spending time with the man had changed his outlook. Now he didn't want to know. Didn't want to look into the darkness he carried inside and be touched by it. Was afraid of what might happen to the Captain now that his heroic older brother had put in an appearance and shown himself to be a puppet master of the highest degree. Did the Captain see it? Probably not. There were none so blind as those who would not see and all the Captain's loyalty and devotion had been poured into protecting the destiny of this one man. The Captain was a man who had willingly given up his own life to lead another, to protect his brother so that he could go on to do what exactly? Why all the planning and scheming, the long months of cat and mouse with the Alliance? What the good gorram was really going on? Was Malcolm Reynolds everything he appeared to be? Or were they all being manipulated for some other darker, less wholesome purpose?

He was pretty sure that Pepper Rawlings and his men believed Malcolm was the embodiment of a new beginning. A foolish if gallant rebellion to shake off the yoke of their oppressors. But even if they had ten times ten the number of Independent rebels it would be no more than a drop in the ocean compared to the forces that would be ranged against them. So. Not a frontal assault then. How do you fight a vastly superior force with numbers so few you could almost count them on your hands? And why had Malcolm Reynolds put his brother through every stage of the cross if there was no second coming? What the _diyu_ did it mean? And why did he get the feeling that the Phoenix was something else entirely?

* * *

><p>They talked long into the night then everyone went to go and get what rest they could before the new day dawned. The Captain was sure he would not sleep. Would have stayed up talking all night and all the next day to his brother had River's gentle hand not deflected that thought. Her look was gentle, tender. So filled with love. He felt his heart melt and let her lead him to his bunk. <em>Their<em> bunk now. Simon had been hoping to get a moment alone with the Captain but realized it would have to wait till morning. As he turned he noticed Jayne watching him. The man's eyes reflecting a mix of confusion and concern that Simon understood completely. He knew Jayne wanted to talk but somehow wasn't up to it right now. Not until he knew how things really stood with the Captain. Zoe gave Wash a kiss. "Go on, _zhangfu_, I'll be along in a minute."

Wash hesitated, immediately worried and trying to hide it. "_Shenme shi, bao bei_?"

"Nothing's wrong, I just need to talk to Malcolm."

Wash didn't like the sound of that but could hardly say so. He cut a glance towards Malcolm Reynolds but he was deep in conversation with Pepper. Everyone else had now left the commons area to get some sleep. Pepper and his men bunking down in the cargo hold where Kaylee had been laying out blankets for makeshift beds. Pepper had two of his men relive Charlie and Turner then followed Wash out. Zoe didn't say anything, just waited. After a couple of minutes silence Malcolm walked over to her and stared into those chocolate brown eyes, letting their velvet depths envelope him. The puff of her breath on his face was a sweet confection he had almost forgotten.

"I've missed you so much, Malcolm."

He raised a hand to gently graze her cheek, their eyes locked. Souls touching a fire that could burn them both to ash. "Not as much as I've missed you, _xin gan_."

Then his lips were on hers and they fell into a hungry abyss of want and longing that was bottomless. Zoe wrapped her arms around him and held on, the sweetness of it making her heart ache so fierce that she began to cry. It seemed forever before they broke off, parting just enough to look into each other's faces while they caught their breath. Malcolm wiped the tears from her face, his hands so gentle that she hardly felt them. Her body tingled, her nervous system ringing with want just at the proximity of him.

"You married then."

It was not a question. She nodded. "Seemed the thing to do."

He smiled and for a moment it was like the years rolling back. Why did it have to change? Why did the gorram war have to ruin everything it touched? _Everyone_ it touched? "I'd say you made a good choice, _bao bei_."

"But Mal..."

He stilled her next words with a finger to her lips. "No regrets now. We both knew what we were gettin' into, _bao bei_, an' what it would cost." He paused. "You love him?"

"He's a good man."

Malcolm nodded. "He'd better be."

The slight huskiness in his voice made her stomach flip. It would be so easy to push the boundaries. He seemed to read her mind. Always had.

"This is a road we can't be travellin', _dong ma_? I knew you'd take care of Davy for me, it was the one thing that kept me goin' while I was bein' tortured."

"Don't..."

"Hush now Zoe; it's true. So many things happened; you wouldn't believe how sick those gifted _wangba dans_ are. Never knew it my own self till I was taken away."

She frowned. Surely he didn't mean...?

"They called it a 'research facility'." Zoe went cold. He gently stroked a hand through her hair, willing her to stay calm, to let him say what had to be said so that he would never have to speak of it to her again. "They opened me up, Zoe." Her breath caught, her arms gripping him tighter. "Not my body but my head." Her eyes widened. Oh no, oh no, oh NO! "Sssh, wasn't so bad."

It was. They both knew it. Zoe had the daily reminder of River Tam to tell her so. "What did they do?"

He fluttered a hand towards his head then brought it down to rest lightly on her shoulder. "They messed around some, rearranged a few things, tinkered an' optimized others. Played around with a little thing called the pineal gland until I was just about ready to scream to infinity for 'em to stop. Put pictures an' thoughts in my head they could switch on an' off at will. Sensations, emotions, you name it _bao bei_, those sick _tamade hundan_ did it. But I ain't nothin' if not smart my own self."

She swallowed slowly, not daring to speak. Hardly breathing.

"I watched what they did, learnt what was happening. Understood. They didn't reckon with that. In the end I turned the tables on 'em. It was so gorram sweet, _bao bei_, I wish you'd'a been there."

She could not speak for emotion, body starting to shake with reaction. He shushed her, held her so gently before kissing her one last time. Zoe clung, putting all her feelings and fears and need into that reunion knowing it would have to last her for the rest of her life. A memory to hold and cherish for as long as she lived.

Wash was on his way to their bunk and stopped in his tracks. Indecision solidifying. He turned and walked back, intending to wait for Zoe and walk back with her to their bunk. When he got to the doorway he froze. Malcolm and Zoe were standing in the middle of the room oblivious to everything but each other, so lost in the kiss that he could have gone storming in with strippers and a marching band and not disturbed them. His face drained of color, his hands bunching into fists commensurate with the way his heart was contracting into a painful decompression as his whole rutting world caved in on itself. Numb and stricken he turned and stumbled back to his bunk, eyes wet with tears as he half climbed and half fell down the steps. For a long time he just stood in the middle of the room and cried, the silent tears running down his face in perfect time to the breaking of his heart.

* * *

><p><em>Before the tears I've cried<em>

_Have even dried_

_She'll be with him_

_They'll look in each other's eyes_

_And with her lips still warm with lies_

_She'll kiss him_

_And though she knows she's wrong_

_She just keeps on_

_Keepin' me hangin' on_

_Tell me:_

_What's a man to do?_

_When the one he's promised to_

_Finds somebody new?_

_Should I just stand by_

_Watch the love I've lived for die?_

_Lord I wish I knew_

_Tell me what's a man to do_

_ 'What's A Man to Do?' by Vince Gill_

* * *

><p>For so long he had been at odds with the Captain only now realizing he had been jealous of the wrong Malcolm Reynolds.<p>

* * *

><p>Shepherd Book watched the changing of the guard. Some dark amusement touching his lips and making his eyes sparkle. It was a momentary lapse but caught her eye nonetheless. He was waiting for her decision. Content to play this out any way she chose. He raised an eyebrow. She shook her head. It was enough. Book relaxed and tried to get comfortable. It would be a long night but the morning. Well now. That would be interesting.<p>

* * *

><p>Her hands glided over his warm skin while dark blue eyes stared up at her, his heart laid bare like his love for her. He was so <em>meili<em> she caught her breath. It made her feel weak and strong at the same time. She loved him so much, would do any gorram thing to keep him safe. Safe. She blinked back the threat of tears. Alarmed he began to sit up, wanting to comfort her. Though her form was slight she had the advantage of him and used it to the full. He groaned softly, her smile curling around him as she tasted the salty head. Her tongue teasing back and forth across the slit while her hands caressed and stroked him. They were both naked. He had wanted to hold her until they both drifted off to sleep, she wanted to love him all through the night. Didn't take a genius to guess who would win.

"_Xin gan_..."

"Hush." River's single word slid out in a whisper almost drowned out by another louder groan as she got busy with her mouth. Didn't want to waste it on talking. She was thinking of the saying from Earth-that-was: _actions speak louder than words_. She intended to prove it to him with such intensity that she would empty his dictionary and teach him new words of her own. Passion rose in her, words fragmenting from his lips as she took him higher and higher, his hips twitching and trying to buck but held down by her impossibly slight frame.

It was all in the technique and River knew all about technique. She licked his shaft and swirled her tongue across the head making him jerk beneath her, a hand rolling back his foreskin while he throbbed hot and hard in her fingers. All the blood pumping and flushed, straining to the rhythm she set as she slowed down her delicious torture to drag it out. To hang him over precipice of want and need until he begged for mercy. Only when she was ready would she let him come, in the meantime she excited him and brought him again and again to the brink of orgasm. Her happy tongue tasting the rivulets of jism leaking from him like a bitter salty wine. He was beyond speech now, the perspiration oiling his skin. So shiny. He tried to buck up into her gifted mouth, urge her to go faster, harder, but she moved a hand down his shaft and applied precise pressure to stop him from being able to come. The groan became a whimper, a cry, a plea that wept from his lips.

Grinning she eased off just enough to position herself over him, then looking him straight in the eye she sat down. He grunted, sweat now pouring off him, the thick slide of him engulfed in her hot moist walls was too much but still her hand gripped the base, held him in check while she began to rock on him, all the air huffing out of him as he strained to give her what she wanted. Only when she was close to orgasm herself did River let him come, the one setting off the other. He came so hard he literally saw stars, River washing over and around him, their fluids intermixing. His eyes had closed. She teased a nipple with her fingers, rubbing and pinching it until he opened a sleepy sated eye.

"You are a wicked woman, River Tam."

She smiled and gave him a smug grin. "Gifted."

"Huh, that so?"

"Genius."

"Anybody ever tell you that you were modest?"

Her eyes were laughing down at him. He loved it. Loved **her**, beyond the passion of his body or the joy of his heart.

"'Cause if they did, _xin gan_, they were lyin'."

Her giggles were warm and loving, her body bending in slow motion as she leaned down to kiss him. Her hair damp with exertion, her muscles toned up and ready for the next bout. He saw her intent and cradled his hand gently to her cheek.

"Not gonna be able to do anythin' for a while, _fengmi_. Think you may have to let this old man sleep, _dong ma_?"

She nodded, happy to agree to anything he wanted just so long as she didn't have to move off him. She could feel him shrinking inside her and lamented the loss. Then as she draped herself over him and felt the Captain pull the covers over them she began to plot and plan novel ways to wake him up once he had drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>CHINESE GLOSSARY: (Mandarin - Pinyin)<p>

_dui_ = correct, _diyu_ = hell, _zhangfu _= husband, _shenme shi_ = what's the matter?,

_bao bei_ = precious/treasure, _xin gan/ai ren_ = sweetheart, _dong ma_ = understand?

_hundan/wangba dan_ = bastard, _tamade_ = fucking, _meili_ = beautiful/pretty, _fengmi_ = honey


End file.
